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Difficult time getting close relationships


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Just needed to know if anyone can relate or have some insights...

 

I seem to have the hardest time moving beyond the "hook-up" stage with guys. The general pattern for me lately has just been meeting a guy through a party or club, and when a romantic/sexual interest is established I hook up with him the second or third time we see each other. We try to get to know each other (always been light-hearted) and then the spark just seems to disappear, aaand he's gone from my life completely. Since I broke up with my first boyfriend, my "relationships" (or attempts of) haven't really lasted past 3 months. And it's heart-breaking because I really am trying my best, and even if romantically we didn't work out I would've been better as a friend anyway. No guys seems to feel the same way however.

 

And I wondered if this was a problem of intimacy on my part but I make friends fairly well and I have no issues opening up to them and supporting them. So I was wondering if there was just something wrong with me that make guys not care enough to wanna stay with me for real... I'm comfortable with myself but I always think it's probably just because I'm so un-charismastic or something lol

 

I'm in University and I figured it's the time and age to do casual dating, but it eventually gets tiring and lonely... There's no sense of security or trust because I feel like I'm just another girl to these guys. Plus I just want something genuine and meaningful. So I'm just wondering.. is there even a way to know if a guy is open to something more exclusive and more than just physical relations? And how can I make something casual into something more meaningful?

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Well maybe its not you its the type of guys you choose to hook up with or maybe you jump into relationships too fast and that could scare guys. Those could be two of the reasons why

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Just needed to know if anyone can relate or have some insights...

 

I seem to have the hardest time moving beyond the "hook-up" stage with guys. The general pattern for me lately has just been meeting a guy through a party or club, and when a romantic/sexual interest is established I hook up with him the second or third time we see each other. We try to get to know each other (always been light-hearted) and then the spark just seems to disappear, aaand he's gone from my life completely. Since I broke up with my first boyfriend, my "relationships" (or attempts of) haven't really lasted past 3 months. And it's heart-breaking because I really am trying my best, and even if romantically we didn't work out I would've been better as a friend anyway. No guys seems to feel the same way however.

 

And I wondered if this was a problem of intimacy on my part but I make friends fairly well and I have no issues opening up to them and supporting them. So I was wondering if there was just something wrong with me that make guys not care enough to wanna stay with me for real... I'm comfortable with myself but I always think it's probably just because I'm so un-charismastic or something lol

 

I'm in University and I figured it's the time and age to do casual dating, but it eventually gets tiring and lonely... There's no sense of security or trust because I feel like I'm just another girl to these guys. Plus I just want something genuine and meaningful. So I'm just wondering.. is there even a way to know if a guy is open to something more exclusive and more than just physical relations? And how can I make something casual into something more meaningful?

 

 

Well, this is what your generation does not want to hear, but your parent's generation (mine) were complete fools when they started the notion of "free love". There AINT NO FREE LOVE!! Sexual intimacy is the most personal thing a woman can give a man..think about it..you are letting another person PENETRATE YOUR BODY. I just don't get you girls these days. Look at it this way. You have a fantastic sports car. I admire it, want a ride in it, and within three days of knowing you, you tell me, "here are the keys to my car. You can have it". Ok, now think of the emotions you feel. Yeah, at the end, "this person must be a bit desperate, or not value what they have...." See? Just go to the book store, pick up some relationship books by MEN, and every single one will say, guys will pressure you to sleep with them, but DON'T DO IT TOO SOON!! Men need the chase, they need mystery, to get hooked. This is not playing games. It is the plain simple truth. I can tell you so many books that say this. Plus, here is a quote from my husband who used to be a playboy, dozens of partners..not pretty, but true, "women who sleep with you too soon are 'fast food', 'rental cars', not someone you would take home to mom. Plus, they are all thinking, if she slept with me so soon, how many others, and she's not that special. TOTAL double standard, but you need to be aware of the reality, that the double standard is not only still alive, but THRIVING. Guys have their dream come true, they are like kids in a candy store now, picking "flavors of the week". Don't be 'last week's flavor.....' If he leaves you because you want to get to know him first, and God forbid, actually MEAN something to him before sleeping with him, he's a whore anyway and not worth having.

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