Should I lower my standards?

[Salli]

I am an attractive university student in my 20s. I love to have fun and have a very crazy social life. I meet new guys all the time but have never been in a serious relationship. Actually, I'm not even AFTER serious relationship; I just want someone to have fun with. The problem is, I am very picky about the guys I get close to - if they don't have the looks, the brains, and the attitude I simply tune out. This means that I have flings every weekend with gorgeous guys who I never hear from again. I know it sounds stupid but even though I'm not after a boyfriend, it still makes me feel crappy when they don't bother pursuing me. I was seeing a great guy for awhile yet found myself chasing him which is just pathetic. I kept telling myself, 'if I just get that next date, I'll knock his socks off and he'll be the one calling ME'. Of course it never happened and my self esteem took another battering. I went out last night and had a good time with my girlfriends then they all went home to their boyfriends and I left feeling pretty depressed. If I lowered my standards I'm sure I could get someone who would pay attention to me and treat me with respect... but is the solution that drastic??

[Reckless]

Should you lower your standards? No, you should raise them.

 

What's BETTER than looks? Brains

What's better than brains? Attitude

What's better than attitude? Character

and none of the above work without... respect.

 

So it looks like the list was okay, you were just reading it from the wrong direction:

 

1. Respect

2. Character

3. Attitude

4. Brains ...and finally

5. Looks...

 

Hmm looks better methinks oh and one more thing... take said list applied TO YOURSELF and not to the guys you meet since you can only control you and your attitude not the world around you.

 

So, raise your standards, don't look for some guy to boost your self esteem, if you want someone to curl up with at night, respect yourself enough not to judge people on looks and stop choosing boyfriends that are pretty but unkind for meaningless flings (that obviously don't satisfy you or make you feel happy and secure). Don't use guys that are basically 'eye candy' to help you feel important and learn what some of your friends already probably know... love is better than lists.

[Girl]

Well said Reckless

 

One more thing Salli.... you need to get clear about what you REALLY want.

 

Life is a self fulfilling prophecy.... tell yourself "I'm not even AFTER a serious relationship; I just want someone to have fun with" and that's exactly what you're going to be on the lookout for, what you'll go for, what you'll end up with... a bit of 'fun'. Believe it or not, you're always running your own show.

[ThisGirlNameKD]

You said you don't want anything serious, so you're not getting anything serious. The problem here is not so much your standards (those that's an issue too), but what it is is that you want someone to chase after you. You want to be able to knock their socks off so much that they will want to bend down at your feet, fall head over heels with you, not be able to sleep or eat without you. You want to have that kind of affect on someone. The fact that no one is chasing after you makes you feel like you're not all attractive and attracting enough for someone to fall over their feet for you.

 

And that's why you're going after these good looking guys. Someone good looking in your book gets the royal treatment, and if you can get a good looking guy to fawn over you "well then, I must really be hot stuff." Point is, what you want is what you get. If you want to just have fun, you are having fun. But you need to build up your self esteem if you're looking for something with more substenance.