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anyone else feel like this?


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I feel like I've been single forever.... well it's been a year to be exact - and that relationship a year ago only lasted for 10 months. Before that it was 3/4 years. I've been out with about 6 guys in the past one year - four of those were just one date, coz I didn't feel a spark; one of those I went out with for a month before I realised he wasn't the one for me and one of them wasn't that into me and kept messing me about.

 

Today I was talking to my friend and she was saying how her two friends have both fallen head over heals in love with these guys and I'm thinking WTF?? These women have only just split up with their partners/husbands less than four months and met someone they clicked with right away. One of my other friends, Jane, met her partner when she'd only been split up with her fella of 8 years for two months. Why does it take me so so long to find someone??

 

I notice this about a lot of other people, no sooner are they split from someone then they find someone else they click with and everything falls into place. It makes me feel so lonely and inadequate; and I'm so scared that I'm going to be alone forever.

 

I know this is a negative and defeatist attitude but I can't help but feel suffocated by it. Especially when everyone keeps saying they can't believe that I haven't met anyone. Also a lot of my friends that were in the same situation as me, soon met someone and are now happily settled down. I feel like crying some days i feel so low.

 

can anyone else relate to this?

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I feel like I've been single forever.... well it's been a year to be exact - and that relationship a year ago only lasted for 10 months. Before that it was 3/4 years. I've been out with about 6 guys in the past one year - four of those were just one date, coz I didn't feel a spark; one of those I went out with for a month before I realised he wasn't the one for me and one of them wasn't that into me and kept messing me about.

 

Today I was talking to my friend and she was saying how her two friends have both fallen head over heals in love with these guys and I'm thinking WTF?? These women have only just split up with their partners/husbands less than four months and met someone they clicked with right away. One of my other friends, Jane, met her partner when she'd only been split up with her fella of 8 years for two months. Why does it take me so so long to find someone??

 

I notice this about a lot of other people, no sooner are they split from someone then they find someone else they click with and everything falls into place. It makes me feel so lonely and inadequate; and I'm so scared that I'm going to be alone forever.

 

I know this is a negative and defeatist attitude but I can't help but feel suffocated by it. Especially when everyone keeps saying they can't believe that I haven't met anyone. Also a lot of my friends that were in the same situation as me, soon met someone and are now happily settled down. I feel like crying some days i feel so low.

 

can anyone else relate to this?

How old are you?

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xpaperxcutx

You need to stop comparing yourself with your girlfriends, because their relationships will only build up jealousy and resentment. Everybody have their own distinct styles when it comes to attracting and dating men, and I'm sure you have your own way of going about things. If one men is incompatible, it's not something to fret about. There's bound to be another guy down the street who's looking out for someone like you.

 

The defeatist in you is only temporary, and is know as the dating slump. You just need to give time to yourself to look at things from a new perspective like a writer going back to his work once in a while when inspiration hits to really see results.

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love_darlings

I've been so sad and alone. All I did was I keep myself busy and meet many people or befriend people. Just be yourself and your partner will come in due time.

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I've probably been more pro-active this summer than I have for a while. I've rejected girls and been rejected, and I've just not found anyone who seems compatible with me! I'm at a weird time though, moving homes, about to start my final year at university before I go out into the world. I think maybe I should just concentrate on my own thing and let the chips fall where they may... if thats the right expression.

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  • 3 weeks later...
LovesHangover

Be happy regardless of your circumstances. I am sure you are great person. Please stop comparing yourself to others. You are a wonderful you. Your experience is not going to mirror someone else's. Yes, I can relate. I have been where you are. I am still single, but I have changed my perspective. I know that I am a kind, loving person, and I get to express that whether I have an SO or not.

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LovesHangover

Be happy regardless of your circumstances. I am sure you are great person. Please stop comparing yourself to others. You are a wonderful you. Your experience is not going to mirror someone else's. Yes, I can relate. I have been where you are. I am still single, but I have changed my perspective. I know that I am a kind, loving person, and I get to express that whether I have a SO or not.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'd be suspicious of anyone finding true love within a couple of months out of a long term relationship. Sometimes the "Bright and Shiny" aspect of the new relationship can be deceiving. Give it six months to a year (if it lasts that long), then listen to the tune they are singing.

I have never found love by seeking it out. Doesn't work that way. Love is something that hits you on an idle Tuesday, while sitting in a coffee shop, reading the paper.

Then this amazing redhead ducks in from the freezing, rainy weather, slips on the wet floor, and knocks your latte' all over you and herself.

Nine years later you're celebrating your fifth wedding anniversary, with two beautiful children, and a house in the country.

That's how it happens. It's sudden, and you never see it coming.

Get on with YOUR life, your work & your ambitions.

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I can say only one thing about that: rebound. Here's how it works. You meet someone. You hook up with them. You think they're perfect for you. You're moving fast because you want to replicate the feelings you had in your previous LTR. You think they're amazing. Then you break up out of the blue. Why? Because they weren't perfect. They weren't for you. You had minimal connection with them. And you're not blinded anymore.

 

So... Don't feel bad about the fact that you didn't find anyone after a year. A year is not a long time. I was out of a 4 yr relationship a year and a bit ago. I met a guy exactly after 1 yr of trying to heal. So, you're not the only one. Don't feel bad about it. Don't look for it. When you don't look for it, it happens. Trust me on that one. Slap yourself if you're looking for it. STOP searching for it! It will happen. :)

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Brady_to_Moss

I have been single for about 3 years now...i have just come to realize a lot of girls my age i can not deal with..i cant deal with drama and girls that are 20 are like that..i am looking for a girls over the age of 25..but they dont want to date 20 yr old guys becasue guys my age ruin it for me...sleeping around and such and girls think all guys are like that...oh well

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I know what you mean, but I think that it's easier for some people to find new partners than it is for others, just don't let it get you down. I know it's tough, but keep your head held high and hopes alive. :)

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I can relate to this...been in a couple of relationships, both a year or so long (though the 'official' going out was even shorter than that). Apart from that I've been single...but I've been on quite a few dates.

 

Maybe your friends work differently to you? Maybe those 4 guys you dated once and didn't connect with, your friends would have ended up with anyway in your position? I see a lot of longer term couples where I don't think there's that much of a connection...basically maybe you have higher standards but dont' realise it.

 

One think though...sometimes you have to give people a chance...I'm bad at it too, hence why I tend to fall for people I get to know (and even then sometimes I feel a bit half-hearted because of their flaws)...so maybe give those 1-date guys a few more gos?

 

Best

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yeah i know...............loneliness is a part of every single guy or gal.........i never had a gf.......just one came in my life and she blew me off tearing my feelings like anything...............it depends how you look at yourself...if you consider that i am lonely then you are and if you enjoy it there's nothing like that...hope you understand what i meant.........just chill and neglect the things.....but i would say it's wrong to have 4 guys on date....just because it would not last and a long term relationship requires trust and a very good state of mind......not flirting or cheating anyone

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thegreatmoose
I feel like I've been single forever.... well it's been a year to be exact - and that relationship a year ago only lasted for 10 months. Before that it was 3/4 years. I've been out with about 6 guys in the past one year - four of those were just one date, coz I didn't feel a spark; one of those I went out with for a month before I realised he wasn't the one for me and one of them wasn't that into me and kept messing me about.

 

can anyone else relate to this?

It's normal to be single for a year or longer. There are some people who have been single for 5 years or 10 years or even longer. Many of them are still hopeful that one day they will find love.

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