Turning down a colleague

[Tigerlily]

At my work Christmas party the other night, I was approached by a guy who told d me that he'd seen me around the building before and had always wanted to approach me but could never find a good enough excuse. We ended up chatting for quite some time and even though he is a really nice fella, I am simple not attracted to him at all - mentally or physically.

 

This guy seemed very, very keen, so much so that he told me that I'm his "favorite girl" in our workplace of around 1000 people (whoah). He was even curious as to what I was up to this weekend because he wanted to ask me out. I told him I was busy, which is true.

 

I really appreciate his courage approaching me, because being a shy person, I know it is not always easy to find en excuse to talk to someone you're attracted to. God knows, I'm a nervous wreck when it comes to making the first move.

 

Another thing I'm useless at is giving someone the brush-off. Rejection sucks for all of us, I've been there myself before. Now that he knows my name, he said he'd look me up on the intranet and email me sometime to see if I'd like to have lunch or something. Knowing how keen he is (he was a little confronting at times, which I found a bit off-putting), I don't think it would be a good idea.

 

So....what the hell do I do now?? Yikes!! I really have no idea what to write when he emails me. I don't think ignoring his email would be fair or mature. I think I should face it. I'm stuck though. I really have no interest at all in pursuing anything with him.

 

Please help!! I'm rather inept at this kind of thing. I know that he's not just looking for friendship either. This guy has a major crush and I don't know how to handle it, or what to say that will let him down gently. *eeek*.

 

Spank you helpy helpers!!

[midori]

Since you've had a chance to interact with him and have reasonably concluded that there's no way you'd want to date him, you should be upfront with him about it: thanks, but no thank you.

 

Why not say, "thanks, it was nice talking to you at the party. I'm flattered of course but I don't see a romantic relationship developing between us. But thanks. See you around." And if he persists and suggests just having a "friendly" lunch, again decline (tell him you don't take lunch, or tell him you always do lunch with your friends) -- you don't owe this guy anything. Even if he sees you at the cafe with your work colleagues after you've just told him that you don't ever take lunch, so what? Your message was clear. You can be polite if you run into him, but you don't owe him any apologies or explanations. If he's stupid and aggressive enough to say, "I thought you said you didn't take lunch," you can just say "well it depends on the circumstances" or something like that. But you sure don't have to feel guilty about it.

 

When you ask people out, you risk rejection. One hopes that the person in question will be as nice as possible, but it's not nice actually to give someone hope where none exists. If he thinks there's a possibility that you might give him a chance, he'll persist. If you're not clear about your lack of interest in him, you'll be doing no one any favors.

 

Good luck!