Patty Posted October 13, 2002 Share Posted October 13, 2002 Hi.I dont understand it,I'm trying hard to be friendly to people at work.And when I say "hi" to people some just walk right by me and don't say hi. Some are stuck up.I tried my best to make friends with these people at work but it seems they dont want me for a friend.I dont know why they dont say hi to me when I say hi to them. Im trying real hard to be friendly with people at work.I never was like this untill I got help from my therapist.He's helping me break out of my shell.I used to be very quiet at work, but now I try to start conversation with people.But seems like no one like me and I dont know why. Patty Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted October 13, 2002 Share Posted October 13, 2002 What your therapist didn't instruct you is not to expect certain behavior from other people or be disappointed when they don't act like you think they ought to. You are only in control of yourself. And normally when you try "real hard" to do anything you will fail. Apparently, you are still trying to figure out how normal sorts of things are done. Many people aren't very friendly nowdays but don't let that stop you from being nice. Smile, say hello, and keep right on going. You won't make friends that way anyway. You make friends by beginning conversations with those you come in contact with or to whom you are introduced. Don't expect people you say hello to to just stop and be overwhelmed and want to just bond with you on the spot. Many of them will actually think you are really weird for saying hello to a stranger. Just be cool and take your time. Be nice but not too nice. Smile and say hello to people but don't expect them to do it back and don't be upset when they don't. Your therapist is supposed to be teaching you how not to get upset. I am really sick of the incompetence of the therapists you see from time to time. Teaching you this is basic to therapy and you shouldn't have to come to a message board for this information. Look to yourself for happiness and expect nothing from others. When you get it, it's a bonus. People who seek relationships and marriage to help them feel better about themselves and headed for real trouble. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patty Posted October 13, 2002 Author Share Posted October 13, 2002 Teaching you this is basic to therapy and you shouldn't have to come to a message board for this information. sorry I came. Patty Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted October 13, 2002 Share Posted October 13, 2002 It may be a good thing you did come to this message board but it's still unfortunate that you found you had to. What I was trying to point out was that it is a critical shame that you are seeing a supposedly competent therapist, yet he/she is doing nothing to help you deal with handling the behavior of others. I think it's a big shame that you should have to come here to get what you should be getting from your therapist....and I stand by that statement. I hope you will work with your therapist, or a new one, on how to stop going so much out of your way to upset yourself about so much. GEEEZZEEEE!!! Until the day you die, people will behave the way they will and they have absolutely no control over your reaction to that. Until you learn skills on how not to upset yourself over what others say and do, you will be condemned to a life of misery. Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonflys Posted October 13, 2002 Share Posted October 13, 2002 Patty One thing I have found over the years is that people will often treat you the same way they did when they got their first impresssion of you. So if you grow and change yourself, people often hold that original impression and continue to treat you the same way for way too long. A good thing for you would be a change of environment and a fresh new start. People can then respond to the person you have become, and if you have genuinely improved you will find a much more positive reaction from folks. Once you move to a new place, then you take Tony's advice. Never expect every person to warm to you..we are all so complex and have vastly different perspectives on life. If a person does not warm to you, accept them for the way they are and limit contact to only that what is necessary. You save yourself and the other person hassle and you will gradually make friends with people suited to you. Take care, Oliver Link to post Share on other sites
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