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shy people finding dates


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How and where do all the shy people meet people? You'd think online there would be handfuls, but when I look through online dating sites most of the people seem outgoing. I'll find a few shy people on them, but then they turn out to be not my type in other ways or vice versa. Being shy doesn't fit in with the bar scene. I live in the suburbs, so there's not many places to get together around, and even if there were, if you are shy, you aren't going to talk to anyone. So it's an endless cycle...but I don't want to be lonely either. Any suggestions?

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Maybe a bookstore or a pet store like Rocky's wife worked?

 

Why do you want to meet a shy girl if you're shy? You can be with someone different than yourself you know.

 

Or you can change yourself by being more outgoing. Lose the label if you can. It'll help you out.

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The only place for people like us is online. And like above poster said, shy + shy = disaster. I always attach myself to very outgoing people.

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I've never found bookstores to be all that useful in that regard... I guess I get too involved in the books and magazines to notice what is going on around me.

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Well, I don't find bookstores or book/coffee shops (read: Barnes & Noble) places to be good. Chances are...hitting on the employees there would just be wierd not to mention that if you are a frequent book shopper or coffee person that it would just be wierd to date them and then it not work out.

 

And to approach other people browsing books is a bit wierd. IF a situation arose there I might take advantage of it, like you and a person reaching for the same book or something like that.

 

But I'm not about to go to a bookstore and browse for a date while pretending to look for books, that's just creepy.

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I'm semi shy and I like shy guys a lot better but I always feel more comfortable around outgoing guys for some weird reason and the outgoing ones seem to like me better too

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The only good methods for a shy person to meet someone is either:

online

Introduction by friends

A non-shy person takes the initiative

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I'm a girl. I guess I always felt being with someone shy and laid back would be able to relate more. I'm not into bars, parties..so feel I wouldn't have anything in common with that type. I know I shouldn't put the label on anyone.

 

Are there any other popular dating sites besides match.com?

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hi me007. i tried okcupid.com and met a few nice girls on there and went on a few dates with one, but I realized in the end I didn't like the girl that much and was just out for an ego trip to try and get over an ex. I occasionally check out the craigslist personals and msg a girl, but obviously user discretion is advised b/c of all the spam and weirdos on there.

 

And just to reaffirm what a previous poster said. Go for someone who isn't exactly like you in terms of the whole shy personality thing, but someone who can complement who you are and that can just as easily be an extrovert. As long as they understand your introverted nature and personality, it can definitely work. My ex was a lot more extroverted than me, but appreciated me for my more layed back, introverted style.

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Just because someone is shy doesn't mean they like to go to a bookstore. Some shy people don't like to read. Some shy people are so shy that they don't even want to leave their house and are too self-conscious to even read/sit/browse in a bookstore.

 

Someone who is really shy by nature also can't just "be more outgoing", they can go to therapy for years and never be outgoing. You don't know how hard it is for a shy person, it's a mental thing.

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fromlonelytogreat

I am a shy person and I like going out clubbing and to bars.

 

cutegirl is completely right. It's hard to just change suddenly.

 

I feel that my shyness ruined my youth - now I'm in my mid 20s with barely any friends, no girlfriend. It's almost impossible to make new friends after university.

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hmmm. I originally came to this site to get advice for getting over a breakup. It's partially the reason I am looking for someone else, you know..seeing what else is out there, that there are other nice and cool guys out there might make me get over the last hump of healing. Maybe I am rushing things. And maybe I am being too picky.

 

Thanks for all the tips and advice so far to everyone that replied!

 

hi me007. i tried okcupid.com and met a few nice girls on there and went on a few dates with one, but I realized in the end I didn't like the girl that much and was just out for an ego trip to try and get over an ex. I occasionally check out the craigslist personals and msg a girl, but obviously user discretion is advised b/c of all the spam and weirdos on there.

 

And just to reaffirm what a previous poster said. Go for someone who isn't exactly like you in terms of the whole shy personality thing, but someone who can complement who you are and that can just as easily be an extrovert. As long as they understand your introverted nature and personality, it can definitely work. My ex was a lot more extroverted than me, but appreciated me for my more layed back, introverted style.

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You don't know how hard it is for a shy person, it's a mental thing.

 

It's hard to just change suddenly.

 

I feel that my shyness ruined my youth

 

 

Every insecurity is a mental thing. And it is hard to change any negative aspect of yourself. It doesn't happen suddenly. It requires hard work and a desire to do so.

 

But labeling yourself as anything negative is harmful to inner peace and well being.

 

You can only live up to the expectations that you place upon yourself.

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I use to be shy myself. Then I started dating guys who were a little more outgoing then myself and they brought out a different side to me and after a while I wasnt so shy anymore.

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How and where do all the shy people meet people? You'd think online there would be handfuls, but when I look through online dating sites most of the people seem outgoing. I'll find a few shy people on them, but then they turn out to be not my type in other ways or vice versa. Being shy doesn't fit in with the bar scene. I live in the suburbs, so there's not many places to get together around, and even if there were, if you are shy, you aren't going to talk to anyone. So it's an endless cycle...but I don't want to be lonely either. Any suggestions?

 

Seems to me like you're settling on the fact that you're shy. Don't do that. What you should be doing is learning how to break away from your shyness. You have to realize that if you want to delve into relationships then you need to have courage on your part to keep the ball rolling; otherwise, you won't get anywhere.

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