Is it really possible to be too nice a guy?

[just wondering]

A couple of my buddies (as we men call our closer friends) keep telling me I am "too nice", and that's why the women I get interested in do not return the sentiment.

 

And to certain extent, I would describe myself as a "nice guy". Not squeaky clean, and certainly no choir boy, but just a decent guy who has found that following the Golden Rule (Do Unto Others, etc.) makes life run generally smoother. So I am polite, friendly, and kind to dogs and children and elderly people and all the stuff a good boy scout is supposed to be.

 

I have sown a few wild oats, and I still have my vices, I drink (once in a while even to excess), but I don't hang out in bars and get drunk and into fights. I am certainly not virginal, but I don't sleep around, believing that sex should be part of a mutually respectful relationship. I have an old fashioned sense of propriety in that I don't approach a woman I don't know, I wait until we have been properly introduced.

 

Every so often I find a really sweet natured young lady that I get really interested in, but in these cases, the feeling is never mutual. On the other hand, I seem to be something of a magnet for "wilder" women. I'm not talking outlaw biker girls here, but it does seem that the women who take a fancy to me are always the type who live a bit on the edge - lots of drinking, multiple sex partners, etc. Not that I condemn them for it, but that's not exactly what I'm looking for.

 

Is this a case of oppposites attracting? A female friend told me that the women who have spent time living a little wilder get tired of the "bad boys" and that's why they find me appealing. While on the other hand, the girls who've always been more adherent to the social norms prefer a guy who gves them the excitement they think they are missing.

[Scarlett]

My opinion is that there needs to be more guys like you in the world, so keep it up.

 

There is no doubt in my mind that you will find the perfect lady, just give it some time.

[dingleberry]

Bull.

 

When you are "too nice", that means that you aren't aggressive enough. That means you aren't making the move, because the girl that thinks you are "too nice" doesn't want to make the move either.

 

This isn't a bad thing, in that you aren't flawed. But unfortunately most women are into a man that is able to "take control", whether they agree to it or not.

My opinion is that there needs to be more guys like you in the world, so keep it up. There is no doubt in my mind that you will find the perfect lady, just give it some time.

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "Is this a case of oppposites attracting?"

 

Well, that's pretty obvious.

 

However, all of this is a matter of timing. We all change at various stages of our lives. Many women your age are probably very much wanting a challenge and not someone who is readily available. They also want a sexual challenge as well.

 

I promise you that one day those girls will have grown up and would give their eye teeth for a guy like you are now. The only problem is by that time you'll probably have changed into a sex machine who wants to nail every chick you come in contact with.

 

Such is life.

[velvet]

I agree thats its much easier to be nice. And best to stay away from the fast and overly agressive chicks. Stay selective and you will find yourself a pretty thing who adores you.

 

Your buddies should respect that and learn from you.

 

A couple of my buddies (as we men call our closer friends) keep telling me I am "too nice", and that's why the women I get interested in do not return the sentiment. And to certain extent, I would describe myself as a "nice guy". Not squeaky clean, and certainly no choir boy, but just a decent guy who has found that following the Golden Rule (Do Unto Others, etc.) makes life run generally smoother. So I am polite, friendly, and kind to dogs and children and elderly people and all the stuff a good boy scout is supposed to be. I have sown a few wild oats, and I still have my vices, I drink (once in a while even to excess), but I don't hang out in bars and get drunk and into fights. I am certainly not virginal, but I don't sleep around, believing that sex should be part of a mutually respectful relationship. I have an old fashioned sense of propriety in that I don't approach a woman I don't know, I wait until we have been properly introduced. Every so often I find a really sweet natured young lady that I get really interested in, but in these cases, the feeling is never mutual. On the other hand, I seem to be something of a magnet for "wilder" women. I'm not talking outlaw biker girls here, but it does seem that the women who take a fancy to me are always the type who live a bit on the edge - lots of drinking, multiple sex partners, etc. Not that I condemn them for it, but that's not exactly what I'm looking for. Is this a case of oppposites attracting? A female friend told me that the women who have spent time living a little wilder get tired of the "bad boys" and that's why they find me appealing. While on the other hand, the girls who've always been more adherent to the social norms prefer a guy who gves them the excitement they think they are missing.

[Rachel]

Maybe all you need is a make-over..... cooler clothes and cooler haircut might help... I'm serious.

 

Also, maybe you could brush up on your social skills... do you come across too eager?

 

Also, what age are you and what age are you looking for?

 

Maybe increasing the age group to 3-4 years older than you're lookin for might be the age group of women wanting to "settle down".....

 

A couple of my buddies (as we men call our closer friends) keep telling me I am "too nice", and that's why the women I get interested in do not return the sentiment. And to certain extent, I would describe myself as a "nice guy". Not squeaky clean, and certainly no choir boy, but just a decent guy who has found that following the Golden Rule (Do Unto Others, etc.) makes life run generally smoother. So I am polite, friendly, and kind to dogs and children and elderly people and all the stuff a good boy scout is supposed to be. I have sown a few wild oats, and I still have my vices, I drink (once in a while even to excess), but I don't hang out in bars and get drunk and into fights. I am certainly not virginal, but I don't sleep around, believing that sex should be part of a mutually respectful relationship. I have an old fashioned sense of propriety in that I don't approach a woman I don't know, I wait until we have been properly introduced. Every so often I find a really sweet natured young lady that I get really interested in, but in these cases, the feeling is never mutual. On the other hand, I seem to be something of a magnet for "wilder" women. I'm not talking outlaw biker girls here, but it does seem that the women who take a fancy to me are always the type who live a bit on the edge - lots of drinking, multiple sex partners, etc. Not that I condemn them for it, but that's not exactly what I'm looking for. Is this a case of oppposites attracting? A female friend told me that the women who have spent time living a little wilder get tired of the "bad boys" and that's why they find me appealing. While on the other hand, the girls who've always been more adherent to the social norms prefer a guy who gves them the excitement they think they are missing.

[older, wiser & lonely]

Yes, it is possible to be too nice.... I can't be definitive as I have so many problems of my own but give it up. You will go without and be ##### upon by everyone you interact with. I'm sorry if this contradicts your view of the world but cutting through the *sparkle* *sparkle* *big smile* optimistic crap there is enough experience from those who have suffered, that going out of your way to be the paradigm of sensitivity, niceness and care will get you taken for a ride, taken for a mug and ultimately taken for everything you can offer. Give it up and be true to yourself because it's sure as hell that nobody else will give a tinkers damn for you once they have emptied you (even supposing you get that far) and nobody will tell you this either. How do I know? I was the sucker before you came along believing everthing I was told by my mother, friends and relatives and then discovering in the few remaining years of my life that I had given all and was left with nothing. Trying to be sensitive, caring, compassionate and then discarded after a lifetime of absolutely nothing returned. Sure, care for those about you but don't plan on anything back.

 

You, as I did, will not believe this until you are old and it is too late. Sorry.

My opinion is that there needs to be more guys like you in the world, so keep it up. There is no doubt in my mind that you will find the perfect lady, just give it some time.

[Tony T]

I don't know who older, wiser and lonely is but he or she is right on target...I mean on the button.

 

If you are too nice, the world will suck every bit of what you have to give out of you and leave you for dead.

 

Read the above very carefully...no truer words have ever been posted on the subject.

[anon]

Don't confuse passivity with nice.

 

You may very well be nice, but it is ok to be assertive in approaching a women that interests you.

 

Women like to see assertiveness in the men around them. if you wait for them to signal interest in you, they are not impressed.

 

I'm not saying to be a stalker obssessive. I'm just saying that it is ok to show interest and be a little bold while still being respectful and nice.

[Just wondering]

Too eager? I'm not sure. I probably do come across as having already made up my mind that I am interested in dating her, which is basically true - I have many faults, but indecisiveness is not among them. I'm pretty much like in the all areas of life, I decide what I want right away, then go all out to get it. And you may be right, perhaps this does come across as being over eager.

Maybe all you need is a make-over..... cooler clothes and cooler haircut might help... I'm serious.

 

Also, maybe you could brush up on your social skills... do you come across too eager? Also, what age are you and what age are you looking for? Maybe increasing the age group to 3-4 years older than you're lookin for might be the age group of women wanting to "settle down".....