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Growing attraction for a coworker


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foxyfilly39

Hi, this is a very long post sorry for going on too much, the following happened about 2 months ago;

 

My new job is great, really hectic and you never know what might happen next. But I have been getting along well, too well, with one of the staff members. We end up flirting alot, teasing and larking about, to the point of now he finds any excuse to touch me. This has now getting to the point of being noticed by other staff members. I really like this guy, to start with I thought I was imaging it, now its getting pretty obvious that we are attracted to each other.

 

But Im so wary of getting more involved, he is married with 2 girls, he has mentioned them once or twice and has asked whether i have a partner. I have been there and bought the t shirt concerning married men and dont want to go down that road again, plus im on 3 months probation at work so want to keep my nose clean there.

Help, we really click together and its been a while since I felt like this about anyone. He keeps paying me loads of compliments at work and finds any excuse to flirt openly. What should I do?

 

This is what happened;

 

It got to the point that when we looked at each other there was an intense connection between us and my stomach started doing flips. A couple of times, I have said I have prepared a meal for him (im a cook at work) and although we are in the company of others he has given me a very sexy private wink as a thanks. When sitting next to him at lunchtime he was busy talking to someone else, but kept touching my arm during the conversation, it was about when his wife was ill during her last pregnancy, earlier on this year.

 

I was feeling that I was on a run away train concerning the growing attraction between us and things were getting hotter, despite my best intentions not too. So in order to cool things down as such, last week I took my partner into work, which I think has kinda of had the desired effect. As this week we have now both avoided the long lingering eye contact, but have talked one to one about work and the problems I have been having, larking about and I have actually made a point of touching him now when talking. (normally its just him doing the touching). And we keep having to both make a point of not bumping into one another all the time, or standing too close.

 

Basically, we got on to the conversation of gossip at work and I said some of the workers have been giving us funny looks, he replied "that they will gossip about things regardless of wether its true or not, so you might as well carry on as it makes no difference to what they say".

 

He also told me twice that he really like the song playing on the radio, called "No Subsitute Love" which goes like this

 

"You know who it is



Oh boy Oh boy

I'm not your substitute lover (said im not)

Say boy I'm not your substitute lover

 

I know it would have been nice if i could have had your body



Knowing that everybody aint been with you"

 

Then we are chatting away and I said I was really tempted to tip choc mousse on his head the other day at lunch, he then said "why, when he thought I was his "buddy" so my response was it was a sign of affection", as we are always larking around, water fights and teasing.

 

We are all going out from work on Wednesday next week, I asked him if he was going and hes said "yes" if he can get someone to do his shift, (at the mo unlikley) but Im not sure if its wise for us to both go and I can see after a few drinks we will start talking and go down a very slippery slope. I would like to not go if he is, but will end up letting down my friend whos birthday it is.

 

Help what the best plan of action, do I confront this guy and say although we are obvioulsy attracted to one another, for the sake of his marriage and kids, we can be friends and not cross the line? Or do I just let things lie as I feel he is having the same fight with his morals as I am?

 

We both admitted we really liked the film Walk the Line, which I think is very adpt for this situation.

 

Help

 

Many Thanks

 

Very confused

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JohnnyBlaze

I won't even bother going into how dangerous it can be messing with married people; as you said yourself, you've already got the t-shirt (funny, I think I have a matching one in my closet!). So, on to the matter at hand...

 

Personally, I'd risk it at the party. It would be an insult to your friend if you don't go, so make the appearance. Just watch what you drink. You don't want to be doing anything that could come back to bite you in the butt later on. Don't completely ignore Married Guy (as that will get people talking as well), but don't spend too much time with him.

 

Once the party's over, gradually spend less and less time with him. Lessen the winks and looks. I'm not saying that he can't still be your friend, but it's the old adage of 'out of sight, out of mind'. Neither of you will be happy about it, but as we both know, it beats the alternative.

 

Just my 2¢.

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foxyfilly39

Thanks Johnny Blaze for the advice, I will certain take it.

 

We dont work that often together and wont see each other for 2 weeks after the party so that might be a good starting point. Although we didnt see each other before for 2 wks and I thought things would of cooled but it ended up getting hotter.

 

I will not drink too much and try to avoid being alone together.

 

Many Thanks

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I think it is a bad idea to get involved with anyone you work with for the obvious reasons. It is crazy to get involved with a MM with kids. Think of his wife and whether you would want someone coming on to your husband. Remember the best he can offer you is sleazy sex but chances are he will not leave his wife and family for you. They rarely do.

 

If you want to be a happy person you should:

 

1- Go to work to work.

2- Stop flirting and playing with someone else's husband.

3- Find your own man outside of your work environment.

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