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How do I move forward?


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I was talking on AIM last night and I get a message from someone. It's someone who I had strong feelings for when I was in high school. She's very cute, and has one of the most charming personalities I've ever encountered. Very unnatural I must say. Words really can't describe how sincere of an individual she is. I've known her for...about five years now. During our friendship I remember giving her a "hint" during one of our talks about the way I felt about her. It was very subtle...but I had a feeling she understand what I said. Her response was...figurative in the sense that maybe we should just let things stay the way they are. In other words, remain friends.

 

So...the friendship remained...as it does to this day. However, as time went on, we hung out less. I left my door open and tried to reach out, but she really started to get involved with her religion and devoting time to her church and whatever. Then she went off to a Christian college a few hours away. Which is cool and everything, but it was bittersweet. I'm glad she did everything she wanted to do while still staying the same persona wise, but it sucked because it was really hard for me to move on and I really liked spending time with her.

 

So I'm on AIM the other night, and I get an IM. It's her saying how we haven't talked in such a long time. We basically have a conversation that lasts a few minutes, and I remember having to go the gym, so I cut things short. But as she was about to depart I said something along the lines of this:

 

Her: Yeah it was nice talking to you again!!!

 

Me: Yeah sure, but like you said we should really hang out. Because we haven't in a long time and I miss that. Really...

 

And right when I said that, it's like the "desperate" part I had been holding back for months and subduing, had come to life to make that comment. For the last several months I haven't spoken a word to her. It seemed like I was trying to forget talking to her because I felt like I was trying to move on from this crush? Even though some dormant feelings remained, and I would think about her every once in a while. Felt like I was fighting a battle.

 

All in all...I haven't talked to a lot of my friends in the past couple of months. I've been trying my best to devote myself to gym work, school work, and other personal endeavors like learning Japanese. I'm not sure why, but I feel like I should seclude myself right now for my social life...because people like the one I just described make my life so...questionable at times. I've had a few other close female friends that I've felt the same way about in the past and ended up in the "friend zone". I felt like I needed to take a break and just focus on making myself happy. It's been a really silent life right now, but kind of rewarding mentally. Perhaps it's because school isn't in session, I don't know. But this summer, after going to Japan and doing all of this stuff alone, I feel a little better...even though my social life has gone down.

 

As for the person I was talking about...we planned to hang out soon. She's back for the summer. She lives right down the street from me and always has. Yet it feels like she herself is miles apart from the connection I want to make...or wanted to at least. Should I move on? I think I want to, or at least get this small part of me that still longs for something serious with her to go away. Why couldn't I move on after almost a couple of years of profound friendship turning quiet and more recently a few months of silence? I'm really confused...

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Just go ahead and meet with her. The worst thing that could happen is that you two remain friends. (Once that's been completely established, only then would it be a better time to "move on".) But since you two haven't seen each other in a while, I think she may develop stronger feelings for you this time around.

 

I know that if you're thrown into a girl's friend zone it's almost impossible to get out of it. But then again, life has its way of putting people into some unexpected (and sometimes pleasant) surprises...

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Why couldn't I move on after almost a couple of years of profound friendship turning quiet and more recently a few months of silence? I'm really confused...

 

Your gut's telling you to take another shot at her and I say there's no harm in doing that.

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Your gut's telling you to take another shot at her and I say there's no harm in doing that.

 

How do I know it's not just my desperate side acting out on it's own for something that would probably never work?

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You won't know and you'll probably never know. Just do it. If anything, don't be subtle this time. Tell her outright how you really feel. I'm sure she will do the same. From there, you'll both know where you stand as far as relationships are concerned. And you can finally make the right choices as to what you should do, instead of feeling all confused. :)

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You won't know and you'll probably never know. Just do it. If anything, don't be subtle this time. Tell her outright how you really feel. I'm sure she will do the same. From there, you'll both know where you stand as far as relationships are concerned. And you can finally make the right choices as to what you should do, instead of feeling all confused. :)

I'll keep that in mind. Thanks.

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How do I know it's not just my desperate side acting out on it's own for something that would probably never work?

 

This would be your second shot at her in 5 years, I'd call that waiting for an opportunity instead of desperate.

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She goes to college kind of far away...like six hours. She's only back here for the summer. Until August. And we haven't hung out in a long time. If I hang out with her again this summer, which I plan to at least once, why do some of you people think I should just "tell her how I feel" when it doesn't appear that the feeling is mutual and she kind of already shot me down silently? I mean, I can't just expect her to fall into my arms if I did tell her that...I just don't see the logic in it...but if I'm totally off the marker here tell me.

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Well, you don't just "tell her how you feel", have to look for the signs first.

 

I don't know about Suiyobi, but I'm just being positive. If something happens, it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't.

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Well I called her today to see if she can get ice cream, but she was working. And apparently she'll be busy all next week. She's one of my good friends, but honestly I'm almost at the point where I'm just going to go back to how I was for the past several months and just forget about trying to "make something happen" with her. I just don't like playing these kind of games. I played the "be patient" game with her and I'm really just tired of it mentally. And it seems like I'm in more of the "friend zone" anyways. Which I can't stand. So I'm just going to take the path where I assumed she told me her position towards me a couple years ago and try to move on from this. So if she wants to go out and do some activity I'll let her call or IM me...because I'm just sick of this.

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It's totally up to you. The only reason why I suggested being upfront with her is because, in my opinion, it's much more clearer than analyzing hints. Sure, it'll hurt a hell of a lot more when you actually hear someone tell you that he/she doesn't like you, but personally speaking, I can get over the person much faster that way. If I only rely on hints, I keep questioning to myself if I still have a chance with that person.

 

Again, it's up to you. If you're "sick of this" then you could just let things go. Personally, I'd want to get to the bottom of this mess and settle things once and for all, considering how long it's been.

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It's totally up to you. The only reason why I suggested being upfront with her is because, in my opinion, it's much more clearer than analyzing hints. Sure, it'll hurt a hell of a lot more when you actually hear someone tell you that he/she doesn't like you, but personally speaking, I can get over the person much faster that way. If I only rely on hints, I keep questioning to myself if I still have a chance with that person.

 

Again, it's up to you. If you're "sick of this" then you could just let things go. Personally, I'd want to get to the bottom of this mess and settle things once and for all, considering how long it's been.

I think I'm going to try and just let this all go. But if I do hang out with her this summer...I'll try to just say what I want to. I have nothing to lose. So whatever. At least I'll know.
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