Lonely Soul In Need Of Answers

[TruthInBeauty]

Hello. You don't know me, I don't know you, and I've never posted on this board before, and I did not even intend to post on it. I just happened to chance across it by accident. However, I feel a bit compelled to post because, well, why not?

 

I'm Mitch. I am an 18 year old male who joined the U.S Air Force last October. Right now I'm at my third Air Force base training to work on F-16's. For the short life I have lived so far, it seems to be working well and I have what many people call a 'bright' future ahead of me. So whats the problem?

 

Easy. I want someone to love.

 

I've never had a relationship with a woman, never slept with one (or kissed one for that matter), and never felt close to anyone in my entire life besides my family (and even they are not aware of everything that plagues me.)

 

For as long as I can remember I have had this ridiculous ideal. I believe that one day, I will meet, in essence, the perfect woman. I believe that I will love her forever, and she will love me the same. I believe that she will complete me and that everything that will happen after we will face together. We will enjoy life and help each other through the painful times that are sure to come.

 

She lives in my imagination, and every single girl/woman I've ever been infatuated with physically has been forced to live up to my standards of what she should be like or she wasn't 'her.' Because of this every girl I've ever had the chance of getting close to I turned away from because they didn't want to love me. They wanted something else. I can't blame them, because that was high school and they were young and unable to really define their desires. I knew what I wanted, just as I know now.

 

All I want is a beautiful woman to love me for everything that I am, and everything that I am not. To hold me when I need to be held, to encourage me, to help me grow, to give me that life I'm so desperate for.

 

Well, I'm 18 and so far I have had no luck, and the ONLY time I am ever truly happy is when I delve deep into my imagination when I am alone, and there I am able to touch her, because she is real there.

 

But she isn't real anywhere else, and it's starting to really depress me. I feel like she is everything I need, and that I can do nothing but drift along through life waiting for her.

 

Now, I'm not completely anti-social, but I lack confidence, and I don't act like the person I know I can be. I am like this because of how lonely I am. I believe that when I fall in love I will be able to be myself in any situation, confident, and able. I believe that she will see through my immaturity, my uncertainty, my timid nature, and see what is there waiting for her to pull it out. I do not believe I will know the woman I will love from first sight, but I do know that she will try her best to bring out the best in me, and when I realize that she is doing it will be when I realize that she loves me.

 

It's simple. I need someone. Desperately. But not just anyone. She has to be everything I've ever wanted, and all I have ever wanted was love. She doesn't have to be perfect. In fact, I believe firmly that she is probably older than me and has gone through a hell of a lot more than I have, and learned from the mistakes she made in the past. I feel as if she will know exactly what I need, and that she will give it to me, no matter what she may or may not have done.

 

So, here I am, people whom I do not know. All I ask is this:

 

Am I right to believe what I believe? Will I meet her? Or am I just living in a fairy tale world and love like what I want doesn't exist?

 

Tell me what you think, be honest, and please, don't insult me. I would rather not have to fight with someone over the internet. I've done it before and it gets annoying fast. Please, just try and help me if you can. If you can't, I appreciate the fact that you at least read my post.

 

Thank you in advance.

[City_girl]

TIB, I had such an image in my mind at the same age. I met a boy and it wasn't he, I met another and another, eventually got married. I imagined that this man was indeed a fantasy I had created in my mind . After four years I left my husband. Two months later my friend forced me to go drinking to cheer me up. I walked into a place, a bar no less and he was there, right in front of my eyes. It was as though I could have walked up to him and said there you are, where have you been? I recognised his face though I had never seen him before. I wasn't looking for love I didn't even want to go out that night, strangely enough neither did he, he was compelled too....

 

We spent four years together until he died in my arms aged 31 of cancer. He was and remains the single most influencial person in my life.. He was born exactly two weeks after me, we both believed that he was sent after me. When we stood face to face undressed our navels met opposite eachother's exactly lol though he was much taller than me....soulmate? I am certain ....

 

I say live your life as you need to, experience women in a respectful and thoughtful way, be open to the possibility that each woman could be she though it may not always be apparent. learn to give yourself some of the qualities you hope she will bestow on you. If you never ever find her, and many, maybe most don't...at least you will have enjoyed your life and grown. Who knows maybe you will find her at 80?

 

I really hope you do find her

[Angels&Airwaves]

I'm around the same age and I too feel the way you do, but most girls I chat to and develop an interest in are already in a relationship, so I guess if you don't look for something, maybe something will find you. Good luck.

[mmy22bys]

mitch,

i'm much older than you. i've been thru a lot this last year finding out my husband was having an affair.

 

we all have a dream as to what we want from a partner. what we want them to look like. what we want them to act like. in reality, we may get some of the things we want in a partner, but if you live your life with a checklist and will only date others that can match everything you are looking for, i think you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

 

not that you have to settle for anything you can get, but if you set your expectations too high, you might miss the diamond in the rough that is waiting for you to find her.