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I am 32 year old virgin. I am an arab Christine living in Canada and I was brought up to believe that I should remain a virgin till I get married. Please understand that in my heart I believe I should wait for the right person, it’s a personal belief not a religious one.

 

I have never really dated, I have been on a few first dates with Arab men but this is as far as my experience goes. My family didn’t allow me to date men from different nationality and that I think is where my problem started. I hated Arab men; maybe hated is a strong word but back in my twenties I really did. They look down at women and it irritated me so I drove them away pretty quickly. I made the decision when I was about 27 that I have to be really and start dating other nationality and I was so happy with the decision. What I didn't know is how hard it is to date, at 32 I have been only asked 3 times.

 

I am a very bubbly individual and loved by all my friends. I have lots and lots of male friends yet I can always sense nervousness when they are around me like they are afraid of me which really upsets me. Other guys eye me from far away and they tell my friends that I am the kind of girl who would turn a guy down. I am told I am good looking girl (I am a believer that beauty is in the eye for the beholder), I don’t think I am very good looking that I would make guys that nervous. I am a size 10 for heavens sake so I am not a skinny girl to fit the image of perfection. I do carry myself will though and I dress well which makes me probably better looking than I really I am. My overall look is neat, not over dressed and not under dressed. I always thought that should help me find a guy but unfortunately is not working so well. They look at me, open the door for me, smile at me but never ask me out.

 

No one knows that I am a virgin or haven’t really dated because it is embarrassing. I have never even been kissed. I keep saying I just haven't dated for a while. It makes me really sad when my guy friends laugh and comment about the lucky guys who gets to kiss lips as mine (I have full lips). I work with lots of guys and during lunch the attention is always on me. How I am dressed, who is looking at me, who is interested in me, what kind of guys do I like and so on. I get the impression that I am liked but no one comes out and ask me out.

 

My biggest fear is finding a guy who will run away when he realizes that I am totally naive when it comes to dating and sex at my age assuming I ever find one. I am ok on my own (they say you can't miss what you never had) but when I do find that person, would I scare him of with my total lack of experience.

 

I try to stay positive but everyone around me keep telling me it is impossible to beleive someone like me is single. There must be something I am doing wrong. The thing is I am open for inputs but no one seem to give me any. I have been questioning everything in my life in the last few years. I have been told by a few friends who knows my little secret that I am not doing anything wrong. Just keep postive and happy and things will happen when they happen.

 

A question to the guys out there, would you freak out if you met a girl my age who has never been kissed. Would a woman's looks make you hesitant to ask her out?

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I can't really identify with your plight, but I chose to stay a virgin until I was 21 (I had a bunch of opportunities, but I always liked the thrill of the chase over the kill). I've only been intimate with 4 women in my life and I'm close to your age (2 of the girls at the same time, so it's not like I'm a prude). I think being a virgin would be a turn on for some guys TBH. It's definately not a bad thing, you don't have any STDs and you shouldn't have any sexual baggage. My ex-GF had some issues in the bedroom, she was always worried about me to the point that she couldn't enjoy herself (it took a while for her to climax with me) and even after 9 years, she couldn't climax at times due to her sexual hang-ups. It sounds as if you're attractive enough to find a partner, but I'd guess you lack confidence. You need to feel good about yourself, before you can expect someone else to do the same. Sex is over-rated IMHO anyways. The connection with another person is far better. Sure it feels good and all that, but it shouldn't be a high priority on people's minds. My advice is to get it out of the way with someone trustworthy, if it's really bothering you. Yes, I understand your beliefs on the matter and think they're admirable. Although, if it's causing you a problem... you may want to fix it before it turns into something worse. Otherwise you need to get out there and start finding men to date... hoping that the right man falls into your lap won't really get you anywhere. Be a little more aggressive, be a little more confident and I'm sure you won't have any problems finding some dates... not to say that dating will find you Mr. Right, but it's better than waiting around for him to find you.

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It wouldn't bother me in the least if the girl I was interested in was a virgin.

 

Then again, I'm a 24 year old male who hasn't ever kissed a girl so my opinion probably means nothing.

 

As for guys being intimidated...again, my opinion is meaningless. I am personally extremely intimidated by women. Lots of guys aren't. It just varies.

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I'm a girl...err woman, but I'll comment anyway.

 

You obviously are an attractive woman (otherwise, why would your male co-workers shower you with so much attention)? You need to start believing that you got it all girl! Guys and girls can smell confidence a mile away (as they can with desperation or low self-esteem).

 

Don't focus on the fact that you are a virgin. I myself lost my virginity this year (and I'm 26), and only because I was in love with him. Otherwise, I would've waited as long as I had to...

 

You need to drop the whole "I'm not good enough" attitude (and that is the impression I'm getting) and learn to love yourself. Heck, people around you clearly recognize what a fabulous creature you are, so why aren't you embracing yourself?

 

I guarantee you that if you took the time to love yourself and built your confidence...you'll be warding them off with a stick.

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Thanks for all the input I do appreciated. About the confidence issue I don’t think I lack confidence, I think it is probably part of my problem. I am a strong independent female and it shows in everything I do in life. Only recently I guess I started losing that confidence and it shows in my post. I guess I am just questioning myself a lot lately.

 

About losing my virginity, I would consider it with someone I have strong feeling for. It will probably take me sometime but I would definitely considerate it.

 

I think I also need to clarify something; I do get hit on by men, married men actually but all the want to do is sleep with me, the dilemma is never by someone who wants to have a relationship, someone who wants to date first before jumping into bed.

 

My friends at work know that I haven’t dated in four years (which is the exact time I worked with them) and they seem to find it humors to harass me at every turn. I don’t mind but what really gets me is how they make me feel. Because I don’t given to sleeping with some of them I am a stiff b***ch (one guy in particular who goes out of his way to call me names). It really hurts and some time I wonder if maybe they are right. I guess this is how my post in this forum got started. Just a few days ago that same guy who calls me a stiff b***ch said that I am holding on to my male friends because I am never going to get myself a guy. Normally his words washes over me but some times they do get me.

 

Once again thanks for all your inputs. Sometime we all need to vent and I think this forum is a great way do it.

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Thanks for all the input I do appreciated. About the confidence issue I don’t think I lack confidence, I think it is probably part of my problem. I am a strong independent female and it shows in everything I do in life. Only recently I guess I started losing that confidence and it shows in my post. I guess I am just questioning myself a lot lately.

 

About losing my virginity, I would consider it with someone I have strong feeling for. It will probably take me sometime but I would definitely considerate it.

 

I think I also need to clarify something; I do get hit on by men, married men actually but all the want to do is sleep with me, the dilemma is never by someone who wants to have a relationship, someone who wants to date first before jumping into bed.

 

My friends at work know that I haven’t dated in four years (which is the exact time I worked with them) and they seem to find it humors to harass me at every turn. I don’t mind but what really gets me is how they make me feel. Because I don’t given to sleeping with some of them I am a stiff b***ch (one guy in particular who goes out of his way to call me names). It really hurts and some time I wonder if maybe they are right. I guess this is how my post in this forum got started. Just a few days ago that same guy who calls me a stiff b***ch said that I am holding on to my male friends because I am never going to get myself a guy. Normally his words washes over me but some times they do get me.

 

Once again thanks for all your inputs. Sometime we all need to vent and I think this forum is a great way do it.

 

This co-worker of yours is engaging in some pretty obvious sexual harassment! You need to put a stop to it immediately. Depending on the relationship you have with your co-workers, you may want to approach this man and ask him to refrain from calling you names or insinuating anything about you. OR go to management directly.

 

No woman should EVER have to work where a man calls her a "stiff bitch" (same goes for sexual harassment against men). That is just appalling. You are human being and you should not be harassed like this at work - look at what it's done to your self esteem.

 

What a total *********! Really.

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I agree with Ocean about the co-worker issue.

 

I'd also suggest some new places/hobbies to look for potential men. It seems to me that if the majority of men that hit on you are married, you need to try and find somewhere/something with more single men.

 

Do you ever approach men or do prefer to wait for them to approach you? That's the confidence I'm talking about. You have to be secure enough to just be able to start up a conversation with people. Then if things look good, you have to be willing to put your ego out there. Rejection sucks, but it's a risk you have to be willing to take. Most of the "nice guy" types need very obvious signals before they make a move. Another thing that might help you, is to dress down on occasion, this will give men who might be intimidated by your looks that little extra push to approach you.

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I am 32 year old virgin. I am an arab Christine living in Canada and I was brought up to believe that I should remain a virgin till I get married. Please understand that in my heart I believe I should wait for the right person, it’s a personal belief not a religious one.

 

I have never really dated, I have been on a few first dates with Arab men but this is as far as my experience goes. My family didn’t allow me to date men from different nationality and that I think is where my problem started. I hated Arab men; maybe hated is a strong word but back in my twenties I really did. They look down at women and it irritated me so I drove them away pretty quickly. I made the decision when I was about 27 that I have to be really and start dating other nationality and I was so happy with the decision. What I didn't know is how hard it is to date, at 32 I have been only asked 3 times.

 

I am a very bubbly individual and loved by all my friends. I have lots and lots of male friends yet I can always sense nervousness when they are around me like they are afraid of me which really upsets me. Other guys eye me from far away and they tell my friends that I am the kind of girl who would turn a guy down. I am told I am good looking girl (I am a believer that beauty is in the eye for the beholder), I don’t think I am very good looking that I would make guys that nervous. I am a size 10 for heavens sake so I am not a skinny girl to fit the image of perfection. I do carry myself will though and I dress well which makes me probably better looking than I really I am. My overall look is neat, not over dressed and not under dressed. I always thought that should help me find a guy but unfortunately is not working so well. They look at me, open the door for me, smile at me but never ask me out.

 

No one knows that I am a virgin or haven’t really dated because it is embarrassing. I have never even been kissed. I keep saying I just haven't dated for a while. It makes me really sad when my guy friends laugh and comment about the lucky guys who gets to kiss lips as mine (I have full lips). I work with lots of guys and during lunch the attention is always on me. How I am dressed, who is looking at me, who is interested in me, what kind of guys do I like and so on. I get the impression that I am liked but no one comes out and ask me out.

 

My biggest fear is finding a guy who will run away when he realizes that I am totally naive when it comes to dating and sex at my age assuming I ever find one. I am ok on my own (they say you can't miss what you never had) but when I do find that person, would I scare him of with my total lack of experience.

 

I try to stay positive but everyone around me keep telling me it is impossible to beleive someone like me is single. There must be something I am doing wrong. The thing is I am open for inputs but no one seem to give me any. I have been questioning everything in my life in the last few years. I have been told by a few friends who knows my little secret that I am not doing anything wrong. Just keep postive and happy and things will happen when they happen.

 

A question to the guys out there, would you freak out if you met a girl my age who has never been kissed. Would a woman's looks make you hesitant to ask her out?

 

coming from a guy;

 

I dont really see why you are single?. you sound like a good person; with strong moral values and a positive outlook on life.

 

maybe i missed this but: Are you shy? Do you shut down when ppl approach you or just dont pick up on advances? I dont see why a guy will run away from you cuz of your inexperience?!?! if he does; he doesnt deserve you? :$

 

To answer your questions:

 

I wouldnt run away or freak out cuz I had a girl who wasnt "experienced". To do so would be rather shallow in my books. Everyone deserves a fair chance regardless of past experiences.

 

No; I wouldnt let looks dictate how I approach a woman. If Im intrested in a woman, Id let her know *no point in living with a question in my head*

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btw tell your co-worker that his words do hurt you and you are a person with feelings not some door knob that has no emotions. Sometimes all it takes is a few polite words to make some one stop or sometimes it takes a lil bit of tough love in return; so when he makes a remark which is impolite tell him firmly that wasnt right and ask for an apology or make one back at him. If you dont say a thing people will not stop even if their remark hurt you or not. I know; I was in the same position as you.

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Well I will be honest and say I don’t always pick up on advances by guys but I am aware of that issue and have been working so hard to try and stay focused. Unfortunately I am the kind of girl who doesn’t notice things or people around her. My full focus is usually on the person I am talking to or the task on hand. I know it is a bit of an issue but I never thought of it as a big issue, I hope so anyway.:o

 

I am not an obsessed individual where I can’t live without a guy; I am content being on my own. I believe if he comes along that is nice if not so be it. But friends and family don’t allow you to live this way. It seems very time I get together with family or friends the subject of my personal life has to be part of the conversation. The constant reminder is what really gets me and to add a female friend of mind is trying to convince me to go out to clubs and just sleep with men to get some practice because guys don’t like inexperienced women. So I am being pushed by everyone to change who I am and I guess I am starting to believe them and that is why I am questioning myself.

 

I actually did ask a guy out just last year, it was my first time ever. He used to smile at me all the time. He would pass by my desk in purpose just to say hello even though he was in a different section. A co-worker of mine noticed and told me to ask him out because if I waited someone else will get him. I mastered the courage to ask his name once and introduced myself to him, I was terrified but I did it. Then a day later I sent him an email asking if he was interested in going out. To be honest I don’t think I could have done it in person, thank god for email.

 

His email was sweet but said “I have a girlfriend …………… for the moment”, that was his exact wording. I was so proud of myself that I didn’t mind much the rejection. Even though his sentence I have a girlfriend for the moment sounded a bit peculiar I didn’t think much of his email. He was extremely nice to me after the email but he left the company a month later. I don’t know if I can ever do it in person, I might do it by email but in person doubtful.

 

I am not shy, I don’t think so anyway. As I said previously I am very bubbly and love to laugh, maybe others would beg to differ but I am the kind of person who would go out of my way to talk to everyone. I am quite the diplomat so my desk is always full of people who want to talk about things. I don’t know how I would react if a guy asked me out though, the only 3 guys who asked me out were friends so I knew them so well.

 

About that rude friend of mine, I spoke to my boss about asking him to stop joking with me (he usual say he just joking) and he stopped for a month or so then he started again. I am not good at hurting people’s feeling but with him I know I am going to start. If I have given you the impression that I am nice girl, I am but I don’t take lightly to people disrespecting me. The problem is he says most of this stuff behind my back with some of my closet friends so I can’t tell him to f**k off without letting him know that they have told me. I am the one at fault for letting his words effect me because he such a loser.

 

Thanks for all the kind words, you have made my weekend. My friends at work noticed my mood change and they don't like it at all. They will be happy to see me go back to my cheerful self thanks to all of you.

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If you do the bar scene and one night stands then you're not getting any closer to your goal. You won't find the type of person you want in a bar or at parties. Stop obsessing over your virginity and live your life happy. When it happens it happens, can't force it.

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Unfortunately I am the kind of girl who doesn’t notice things or people around her. My full focus is usually on the person I am talking to or the task on hand. I know it is a bit of an issue but I never thought of it as a big issue, I hope so anyway.

 

This is a problem. How do you expect people to notice you if you don't notice them? Nobody is ever going to approach you if you don't even look at them. Another thing to consider, many men don't particularly like very strong independent women. What about online dating?

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I am 32 year old virgin. I am an arab Christine living in Canada and I was brought up to believe that I should remain a virgin till I get married. Please understand that in my heart I believe I should wait for the right person, it’s a personal belief not a religious one.

 

I have never really dated, I have been on a few first dates with Arab men but this is as far as my experience goes. My family didn’t allow me to date men from different nationality and that I think is where my problem started. I hated Arab men; maybe hated is a strong word but back in my twenties I really did. They look down at women and it irritated me so I drove them away pretty quickly. I made the decision when I was about 27 that I have to be really and start dating other nationality and I was so happy with the decision. What I didn't know is how hard it is to date, at 32 I have been only asked 3 times.

 

I am a very bubbly individual and loved by all my friends. I have lots and lots of male friends yet I can always sense nervousness when they are around me like they are afraid of me which really upsets me. Other guys eye me from far away and they tell my friends that I am the kind of girl who would turn a guy down. I am told I am good looking girl (I am a believer that beauty is in the eye for the beholder), I don’t think I am very good looking that I would make guys that nervous. I am a size 10 for heavens sake so I am not a skinny girl to fit the image of perfection. I do carry myself will though and I dress well which makes me probably better looking than I really I am. My overall look is neat, not over dressed and not under dressed. I always thought that should help me find a guy but unfortunately is not working so well. They look at me, open the door for me, smile at me but never ask me out.

 

No one knows that I am a virgin or haven’t really dated because it is embarrassing. I have never even been kissed. I keep saying I just haven't dated for a while. It makes me really sad when my guy friends laugh and comment about the lucky guys who gets to kiss lips as mine (I have full lips). I work with lots of guys and during lunch the attention is always on me. How I am dressed, who is looking at me, who is interested in me, what kind of guys do I like and so on. I get the impression that I am liked but no one comes out and ask me out.

 

My biggest fear is finding a guy who will run away when he realizes that I am totally naive when it comes to dating and sex at my age assuming I ever find one. I am ok on my own (they say you can't miss what you never had) but when I do find that person, would I scare him of with my total lack of experience.

 

I try to stay positive but everyone around me keep telling me it is impossible to beleive someone like me is single. There must be something I am doing wrong. The thing is I am open for inputs but no one seem to give me any. I have been questioning everything in my life in the last few years. I have been told by a few friends who knows my little secret that I am not doing anything wrong. Just keep postive and happy and things will happen when they happen.

 

A question to the guys out there, would you freak out if you met a girl my age who has never been kissed. Would a woman's looks make you hesitant to ask her out?

 

At 32 you are YOUNG. Go out and find Mr. Right. I gave birth to 3 children from the ages of 32 to 37. You are at a perfect age to find a man. Arab, or nonArab, ask Allah to help you find your mate. Just get some western clothing, some non-Arab men might be frightened if you look to religious, just my opinion. Oh the joys of single dating !

 

I just read some of the "Turn-Offs" that people posted, really funny reading.

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I once liked an arab woman at my job... nothing but trouble, every guy at the job seemed to hate her to her personality was such a tease. I think you should probably keep the whole never been kissed I'm a virgin thing to yourself untill the third date unless the guy specificaly asks you. Now unlucky for you many women lie about being a virgin so dont be suprised if in the back of this guys mind he doesnt believe you when you tell him. Ive had sex with older virgins before nothing to it. Look next time a guy you like is talking to you just give him the signals touch him when he talks to you like put your arm on his shoulder... then laugh at his jokes and say something like want to get coffee after work... look you've really got it easy if you were a 32 yr old man never been kissed youd have alot more opsticles you could have your first make out session by the end of this week if you stop your Ice cold behavior toward men

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I'd love to know how most guys feel about this because I lost a guy I really, really liked because of my inexperience. I was 35 at the time (now I'm 36), and he hated the fact that I only had sex one other time.

Does this thought have any legitimacy?: Suppose he had a very high sex drive..could it be that he figured I must have a low sex drive since I only had sex once in my whole life? I didnt say that I abstained because of religious reasons or anything. I just said "I just didn't want to until now"...which wasn't even entirely true..I did want to, but the truth was I never had a boyfriend, believe it or not, to have sex with, but I didn't want to tell him that. i thought that sounded even worse.

so maybe he figured he couldn't be with someone who had so little interest in sex?

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I doubt thats the reason he left you. Your probably just a cold person, or maybe he wasnt physicaly atracted. Ive dealt with girls who dont know their vagina from their arse and its anoying yes, but its kind of cute to. Look some guy who is really into you is probably going to want to make out and have sex with you and stuff like that whether or not youve been with other guys.

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Well I am not religious at all actually, I am a Christine Arab and I don't believe in religion that much. I was born Christine therefore I am one. I am also quite fashionable and look the picture of perfection at all time with long curly hair, big brown eyes and big lips. I don't have a problem in the looks department. I think my biggest issue is I don't pick up on guys hitting on me; a problem that I have been aware of but never thought is going to be such an issue. But then again live and learn.

 

I have got lots of good and honest feed back this past week and I will definitely keeping them in mind.

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I doubt thats the reason he left you. Your probably just a cold person, or maybe he wasnt physicaly atracted. Ive dealt with girls who dont know their vagina from their arse and its anoying yes, but its kind of cute to. Look some guy who is really into you is probably going to want to make out and have sex with you and stuff like that whether or not youve been with other guys.

 

 

oh, no, he definitely wanted to have sex with me; very badly, in fact. It's when he found out that I was inexperienced that he was turned off. I guess when I was dating him he was looking forward to having sex with this "wild, passionate" woman, and when he realized I was inexperienced, he figured I wouldn't know what I was doing and I don't care about sex.

 

Also, I am not a cold person at all.

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the thing about cold people is they never realize just what they are. For your problems I recomend you either see some kind of dating coach or therapist to get an outsiders look on your situation. the story you've told just doesnt add up to me... my educated guess is that your cold and have no idea u r, I might be wrong about that but I am correct in suggestion u seek counsling from some one who can help in person

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the thing about cold people is they never realize just what they are. For your problems I recomend you either see some kind of dating coach or therapist to get an outsiders look on your situation. the story you've told just doesnt add up to me... my educated guess is that your cold and have no idea u r, I might be wrong about that but I am correct in suggestion u seek counsling from some one who can help in person

 

You see, there is my problem right there. You just stated my very problem. You and this guy are making assumptions about me because I have not had a serious relationship or sex. What you both don't understand is that I had issues with myself, my body image, in the past that prevented me from going out to bars and places to meet people, for many years. I was always on a diet..I was not even that overweight; it was really just in my head. The point is that I am now coming to terms with myself and am ready to date, but have no experience. I agree that you would think someone in my position would have to have problems with intimacy and that's what i'm afraid this guy thinks. But that's not the reason for my inexperience!

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