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if you can't get a girlfriend...this is the bottom line...


engravefeelthevoid

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engravefeelthevoid

for about 5 years now I've been trying to get a girlfriend...I learned all what a person needs to get one...took advice from soo many people...worked on making myself look good through fashion..sports etc... and I was even very brave to attempt asking some girls out ...unfortunately it hasn't been working for me...I used to think that it is a special "Skill you need" and that through surfing the webs and reading books you could actually acquire that "skill"...but now I noticed it's not like that...I asked many guys who have girlfriends and successful with girls on what to do...they all said very basic things simpler than what i found out from sites and books....for example..to get a girls phone number..just say " can I have ur phone number?"....and I used to think there was a magical harry potter sentence that could get any girls phone number....

 

after thinking alot..I found out that it's not a skill...it's actually inhereted...believe me if a girl likes you she will be dying to give you her phone number...and her dream would be you asking for her number...it's something you got or dont got...if youre naturally good looking-fun...you can get any girls phone number....you could go out with any girl...you could kiss any girl...

 

imagine this scenario....ur a guy or a girl....and theres this person whos not at all good looking...lame...without him even getting near you...you'd wanna flee as fast as possible...cuz you dont wanna be around that person...if he sits by you and asks you for your phone number...you wouldnt give it to im you'd probably leave because you're actually "scared to be with that person".... and that's the basis of (scaring them off)........now imagine the girl of your dreams coming up to you and asking you for something...would you runaway ? you wouldnt be a bit scared

 

so when you see a guy getting all the girls and having a good life and you're all jealous...just know that life gave him "that thing" and didn't give it to you...and when somebody tells you to "be yourself" don't be yourself because "yourself" isn't always that great...

 

now my case...I seriously can't get a girlfriend..cuz I dont got it..I started to accept this fact...the fact that I only live once and that thing I won't experience no matter how hard I try...the fact that I won't know how it feels like to get a girl I like for atleast once...

 

maybe I'm too pessimistic...but its true...when I walk in the street....I don't know....seeing all thse people together....I don't know do I feel jealous or do I wish them happiness....

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You sound a little bitter to me. I think it's easier to explain things by blaming "inheritance" and things you can't control. But that's not completely true. There is no way to explain how some complete wankers get women, but they do. While being a jerk (i.e. being confident enough to show your bad side and not care) might work, acting like a jerk is just going to make you feel worse. It's the confidence that counts, and showing your bad side is not required.

 

I don't know what to tell you. Confidence is between you and you. You can develop it. You don't need to blame it on your genes.

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melodymatters

At the risk of sounding " alpha-male-ish" and hopefully not to insult the OP. But most guys who " can't get girlfriends" are aiming too high. Ty expanding your criteria and being a little more open minded.

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I'm the type that I need to become friends with the girl before I consider her my date. It's not just being good looking/cute but she has to have certain personality that I like. So maybe the OP is looking for beautiful girls but doesn't realize that beauty it's only part of the equation. I know when I was younger (20's) I was looking at beauty only. Now I look at personality because if I have to live with the girl I want to make sure she's compatible with me. To me, confidence comes from being comfortable around that person to carry on conversation. There are some beautiful women out there that I would not want to live with because they're shallow and don't have good values/morals. Interestingly, as I get older I find beauty superficial, like I can look past beauty to evaluate the person.

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Exactly how many girls have you asked out?

 

If, after 5 years, that number is less then 9k you are not doing your part, interact with 5 women a day, you will hit and miss, it will turn out eventually.

 

And... don't hate.

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Ty expanding your criteria and being a little more open minded.

 

In other words try the fat and ugly ones, you'll have better luck.

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melodymatters

... Ok, Fine.....we'll go with the Op's theory of "You're born wih it or you're not", LOL

 

 

...and 9k every five yrs and, or, 5 a day ? Sounds like a ful time job bro :)

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..and 9k every five yrs and, or, 5 a day ? Sounds like a ful time job bro :)

 

You mean you dont see 5 women every day? At the store, the gas station, the mall, the coffe shop, etc... I'm saying talk to 5 women a day "Hi <smile>, hows your day going?" is enough. They will either talk back or not.

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It's the confidence that counts, and showing your bad side is not required..

actually "confidence" is made up of both your good and bad sides...

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engravefeelthevoid
It's not just being good looking/cute but she has to have certain personality that I like..

 

don't you think that looks are vital in determining the personality of a person ? by saying looks I mean facial expressions, body ratios, voice... don't you think that a good looking person could make the interaction experience more interesting through his smile, tone, charisma....

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don't you think that looks are vital in determining the personality of a person ? by saying looks I mean facial expressions, body ratios, voice... don't you think that a good looking person could make the interaction experience more interesting through his smile, tone, charisma....

 

Reading this it becomes apparent why you cant get a girlfriend.

 

No dear, looks are not vital in determining the personality of a person, the person it vital in determining there personality. You, for example have several major personality flaws that are holding you back, women sense them and will not go out with you.

 

A long nose is not what is holding you back, you are holding yourself back, you are completely obsessed with cosmetic bull**** , so much so that you wont even entertain the idea that something other then your looks is what is "scaring" the women away.

 

Part of a boyfriends job is to make the women he is with feel like the most beautiful person on earth, all of your friends in happy relationships do this for there girlfriends, naturally, its something that comes out when you are in love and look at the person you are with and thank god every minute for bringing them to you. I don't think you are capable of this emotion. You sound profoundly selfish.

 

I don't know what sort of women you are asking out but if you only go for the ones who are artificially dolled up then, yeah, you are going to have a problem meeting someone.

 

Have you tried actually talking to people with similar interests as yourself? Or are hooking up and your hair color your only interests?

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engravefeelthevoid

believe me when I say...I tried everything...I'm not only speaking about myself...but do you know how many people are in the circle I'm in ? how many people have done the impossible to get out ?....I'm the type of person who does good with everybody...I hangout with many people of similar intrests..very social...and I'm even good friends with many attractive females and other females with average looks and a beautiful personality...I always make them feel attractive beautiful and funny...but the "more attractive guys" make them feel sexier or more attractive...aslong as I don't cross THAT line I'm safe...I have been rejected few times...but didnt give up...and fought the phobia..hasn't worked for me..I sat alone for loooooooooong time...and that's the best explanation I came up with...it all makes sense if you sit alone and think about it...look around you u'll see what I mean...I kind of know where my limits are....and now I'm used to being a good friend to everybody with no serious relationship...

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The man that is the love of my life, whom I will do anything for, who gave me a beautiful baby boy, and who, when I think about spending the rest of my life with I get giddy, excited, and thankful, is 5'5" with extra weight (he used to weight lift all the time then stopped, he has that build), he has back hair, ear hair, and noise hair.

 

More importantly, he is kind, caring, confident and loving.

He is also arrogant, overly cocky, and has a temper.

He is a wonderful father, and a incredible husband.

 

People fall in love with people, not with some predetermined notion of beauty.

 

Whatever your doing your doing it wrong, probably not giving people a chance to get close to you or opening yourself up to them.

 

Whatever it is you need to stop blaming outside factors.

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Come visit to San Antonio, we have a plethora of large women down here looking for any love they can find, including all you can eat buffet's. :lmao:

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Come visit to San Antonio, we have a plethora of large women down here looking for any love they can find, including all you can eat buffet's. :lmao:

ok, i'll bring the pork rinds :laugh:

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You are saying like

there is no way you can beat genius people.

It's true for average people to beat those who have IQ 150 or higher.

 

However, having a decent girl friend isn't like One out of million.

 

So what are you gonna do? are you going to just accept your destiny and live alone forever?

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engravefeelthevoid

honestly man...when I saw how easy it is for some people......and when i saw that my efforts and hard work didn't do anything AT ALL....I just accepted my destiny....I stopped caring....because u have to be fair...I mean for the world to have happiness...there has to be misery somewhere else...it's all a balance and I just have to accept this fact....I don't know what the future holds for me,,,,I'm just going with the flow....

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honestly man...when I saw how easy it is for some people......and when i saw that my efforts and hard work didn't do anything AT ALL....I just accepted my destiny....I stopped caring....because u have to be fair...I mean for the world to have happiness...there has to be misery somewhere else...it's all a balance and I just have to accept this fact....I don't know what the future holds for me,,,,I'm just going with the flow....

 

Half of the population is women. Are you talking about a girl that every one dreams of??

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Half of the population is women. Are you talking about a girl that every one dreams of??

he must be cause last I checked there are tons of partners for everyone...as long as you stay in your league. :)

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engravefeelthevoid

not really the dream girl...but moderate...besides even if she was sub-moderate...she wouldn't want to commit to another sub-moderate guy...many people just wait till marriage to see their luck and what life has for them........i dunno guys it's just that the forum is full of desperates.....recently when i wanna discuss the topic i just search it and find tons of results on the forum....

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engravefeelthevoid

what i know is that i'm not very confident about myself.....i was never stable about my rating...at sometimes i considered myself super..sometimes moderate..but recently i'm thinking of myself as sub-moderate...like many of the people i see..and i think that this time im very accurate because i thought about it well and observed it perfectly not just assumptions based on people who were just being nice or anything...experience played a role too........i dunno..

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what i know is that i'm not very confident about myself.....i was never stable about my rating...at sometimes i considered myself super..sometimes moderate..but recently i'm thinking of myself as sub-moderate...like many of the people i see..and i think that this time im very accurate because i thought about it well and observed it perfectly not just assumptions based on people who were just being nice or anything...experience played a role too........i dunno..

 

People have hinted that you might have to lower your expectations in order to get a girlfriend - but it's not really clear what your expectations are, or what "lowering" them would entail.

 

Let's say that you approach a physically stunning girl nicely, and she responds to you as though you're a piece of crap. Would you have lowered your standards if you approached a less stunning girl and she responded with warmth and friendliness? If you're thinking purely in terms of what turns you on aesthetically, then yes - perhaps you would. Relationships are about more than aesthetics, however, and connecting well enough with someone to start having a relationship with them involves a meeting of the emotions as well as a meeting of minds and libidos.

 

At the moment you're rating yourself and women you see as though you were judging a "best of breed" contest. This creates the impression that you're more concerned about finding a girlfriend who has been validated by society than you are with meeting someone who makes you happy. Coldly assessing humanity with a ratings system isn't too conducive to forming meaningful emotional connections with other people.

 

I know a lot of guys talk and joke to eachother about "rating" women, and no doubt always will, but the ones who actually manage to have relationships with the opposite sex probably do so by not taking such rating systems (or themselves) too seriously.

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engravefeelthevoid

I'm not saying that relationships are 100% physical...i mean who would want a boring empty shallow girlfriend? afterall you both are there to make eachother feel good both mentally and physically.....let's say that a perso is looking for a girlfriend but is least concerned about her physical well-being....and he gets introduced to a sub-moderate girl with a strange voice, ugly face, zig-zag teeth and fat all over her....do you think she would make him laugh or cheer him up with her looks ? personality alone isn't enough....looks are important atleast in a gf/bf state, looks do matter and we se proof all around...good looking people are always being chased....they always endup with the people they love...even if it doesnt work out later on....but atleast they dont spend their nights thinking about why they couldnt get them.....

 

marriage is something else.....it is the phase when you are willing to spend your whole life with a person....and to do so...looking good is less important than in the gf.bf phase....a successful wife can cheer her husband up...take care of his everyday life needs (food clothes heigene.......), and can please him sexually....shes is also capable of coping with other people forming a social life which she and her husband benefit from.....many people forget the idea of looks and sex when they get married.....but when ur ina bf gf phase...it is as important as the personality....

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