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Why can't men just be honest?


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So after being in a loving, honest but dysfunctional relationship for 4 years, I am now single. I don't find it hard to attract men, and I'm not assuming that every guy I date should turn into a boyfriend. There is just one thing that puzzles me.

 

Here's how the story goes...I meet a man, he's very keen, we go out have a great time, he tells me he'd love to go out again. But then he never calls.

 

By no means am I a bad date, I'm intelligent and easy-going, and the dates are fun-filled and relaxed. He thinks it should end there...fine, most people aren't meant to be anyway. The part that bothers me though, is that why don't men own up to their feelings by just saying "Hey I had a great night but I don't think we should continue this, thanks anyway". Is it maybe that I'm more mature about this than the guys? I'm 23, and the guys I date are usually aged 24-30.

 

Instead, I get this conflicting information. I won't hear from the guy after the date for a few days so I'll call him and he'll be fine and friendly, happy to talk about whatever...except he won't ask me out again. Sometimes I've been straight and after a while say "Hey it's cool if you don't want to see me again" but he'll deny it until he turns blue. Why waste time - just admit it!

 

Is this common practice for men? Do men honestly think this is acceptable? I think the mature thing to do is just admit politely that he didn't feel there was potential. This is respectful and doesn't hurt anyone's feelings or waste any time for both people. They can both move on accepting that it just wasn't meant to be. Men say women never speak their minds, but men are just as bad when it comes to this. It's rude not to mention very immature. It's something I'd expect from a teenage courtship but not from a grown man!

 

I'd especially love to hear a man's thoughts on this.

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Well...nobody likes burning bridges. Maybe it's so much easier to ignore or "humour" someone, than to confront them with an absolute.

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I agree with the not burning bridges theory... Even though I'm a woman, I've been guilty of not returning phone calls after a first or second date or simply of saying in an honest heartfelt manner "I can't this weekend but maybe later". The thing is, when I say it, I actually mean it. (I travel a lot on weekends).

 

Often it's simply because even though I don't feel that huge spark, I think the person is nice, goodlooking, has a good sense of humor and I do feel an attraction to them. But I might have other things going on in my life which are working against the person (generally, I'm ashamed to admit it, an interest in someone else... but it can also be mountains of work) and I, well, want to keep my options open.

 

Makes me sound like I date a lot. I actually don't.

 

But anyways, I don't see the point in telling someone I have been on one or two dates with that things are not going to work out because, well, after one or two dates, I don't feel I know them enough to make such an assessment. And then, the rest, me not calling them back, is just my life taking over my mild interest in them.

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You make it sound as if women dont do this also.

As nice and respectful as you may think it is for someone to be upfront....

no one wants to create unnecessary drama, especially if they dont know that person so well.

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as much of an asshat as I can be, and BELIEVE YOU ME, I can be. I don't do this to women. Of course just because I don't find it right doesn't mean other people can't rationalize it. If it's a bad date, I'll usually say something and the take her out again just incase it was the location, or bad day, or whatever.

 

Don't get me wrong, women do it too, it hurts, but life goes on.

 

If he didn't call back, he's probably not the kind of man you want. It'd be nice if he'd just come out and say it, but some guys just don't have the cojones/gravitas for it.

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Here's how the story goes...I meet a man, he's very keen, we go out have a great time, he tells me he'd love to go out again. But then he never calls.

.

you are either fat or ugly or god forbid both.

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I think so! I am neither fat nor ugly.

hah ahha ha DUNK...w'er just kidding roudn. you re the bste...we loves you a whole lot a

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I think so! I am neither fat nor ugly.

Damn!? The fat and ugly ones are the best in bed. :love::bunny:

 

Oh well...maybe that's just a stereotype.

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hah ahha ha DUNK...w'er just kidding roudn. you re the bste...we loves you a whole lot a

You're pissed. And getting quite charming.

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hah ahha ha DUNK...w'er just kidding roudn. you re the bste...we loves you a whole lot a

 

You're hilarious! :lmao:

But why get on LoveShack when you're drunk? Go on and drunk dial, now that's more fun! :p

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and what's your secret???

I don't think I have any secrets.

 

Sometimes it's worth giving a person a hug - just to see if they will open up to you.

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I don't think I have any secrets.

 

Sometimes it's worth giving a person a hug - just to see if they will open up to you.

 

I love big bear hugs...hehe :bunny:

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no I meant what are you drinking tonight? silly :p

nothing....I have to meet this woman in ann arbor at 10am for brunch. its like a 50 mile drive so I can't have a hangover. Plus, I can have a mimosa or two at brunch :)

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nothing....I have to meet this woman in ann arbor at 10am for brunch. its like a 50 mile drive so I can't have a hangover. Plus, I can have a mimosa or two at brunch :)

 

yah you might as well save the drinking for your date tomorrow...;)

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BenThereDunThat
you are either fat or ugly or god forbid both.

 

I have no clue what this thread is about, but I came across this and totally laughed out loud!!!

 

 

 

:lmao: :lmao:

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I have no clue what this thread is about, but I came across this and totally laughed out loud!!!

 

 

 

:lmao: :lmao:

Got to love it when someone gets straight to the point. No beating around the bush here.

 

Hmmm...I can be gulity of beating around the bush - but I always get to the bush sooner or later. :love::bunny:

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