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smarty pants girl can't find a smarty pants boy


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Not sure where to start - so I guess I'll just write and see where this goes...

 

I'm 22 years old and have never had a boyfriend. My longest relationship (if you could even call it that) was 2 months. I've only been on one date in my entire life (I was a sophomore in high school - so it wasn't anything spectacular). I've had my fair share of "hook-ups" with guys - I'm not what you would call "in-experienced" in that realm. My in-experience is in the relationship category.

 

There is nothing "wrong" with me (I think at least). I'm a grad student, and my academic (and eventual career) life is on track. I'm intelligent, witty, fairly attractive, and a lot of fun to be around. It seems that everything is in place for me - except my love life. That part of my life has fallen so far off the beaten trail I almost don't even include it when evaluating how things are going anymore (almost like when the government doesn't count people who have stopped looking for work as unemployed - they just don't count, thats how my love life is).

 

I'm after a guy who's smart (not just college-educated, but actually is intelligent), good-looking (but not too good-lucking, i like my men to be men), and driven - lack of ambition is a total turn off.

 

However, men like that are just not interested in me (and if they are - I am unaware of it). I seem to only attract guys who look at me as if I have 10 heads when I begin to talk about current affairs and attempt to engage in philsophical discussions. Those guys aren't bad guys by any means - they are just not compatible with me.

 

I'm not sure exactly what my problem is - am I too picky? too intimidating? not open enough? I'm not 100% sure and as another holiday season as the only single person in my entire extended family approaches - I don't know if I'm ready to handle the "why aren't you seeing anyone" questions anymore.

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I'm after a guy who's smart... good-looking ...and driven

 

You rarely get all three in one package.

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burning 4 revenge
You rarely get all three in one package.
:lmao: yeah, i agree. i'm just smart enough to realize that if i were more driven i would be better looking.

 

i don't know what that means, but i know it's true

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By your age I had at least two relationships that had lasted a year or more. You might be phobic of intimacy, it would appear. Not sure really.

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You're female and smart - a fatal combination. Go look at the IQ stats - there are far fewer really bright people than average ones. And half of them are women. Of what's left, some are too old, some too young, some gay, etc.

 

So your pool of potential mates is quite small to start with. Then you have to find one that you actually like and get along with. It's a big job. Start now and devote a lot of time to the search and you may be lucky at some point to find someone with all the neccessaries.

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I'm after a guy who's smart (not just college-educated, but actually is intelligent), good-looking (but not too good-lucking, i like my men to be men), and driven - lack of ambition is a total turn off.

 

However, men like that are just not interested in me (and if they are - I am unaware of it). I seem to only attract guys who look at me as if I have 10 heads when I begin to talk about current affairs and attempt to engage in philsophical discussions. Those guys aren't bad guys by any means - they are just not compatible with me.

 

See, you DO attract men, but those that you attract are not those that you like. I guess you just have to pretend you're not too smart ( maybe drop a notch or two in intellect ) if you wanna attract those guys that you like. But, personally, I wouldn't mind dating a really smart girl.

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mine own self

I was in your situation, tho' I'm male. I couldn't find any SINGLE, HETEROSEXUAL, females OF CHILD-BEARING YEARS who I could talk to intellectually. I mean, there were smart males everywhere -- any kind of organization or club I went to associated with the university was 90% male. For example, there was a philosophy-club that I was the secretary of. It had about 3 females and dozens of males. That was what I ALWAYS found. ALWAYS. My male friends and I would talk about it endlessly -- where are the brilliant females -- not married and not gay? We always saw them in movies, played by Jeanine (sp?) Garofalo (sp?) but never met one in real life.

Finally I gave up in my early 30's and married a non-intellectual (who had a degree tho'). I wanted a family and I didn't want to be too old when I started it.

 

This is my question for you: Is intellectualizing the ONLY way you relate to people? Do you have non-intellectual interests? Do you like camping, sports, exercise, nature, anything non-intellectual? Art? Music? Politics? Do you belong to an organized religion? If you have some serious interest in a non-intellectual area, seek to bond with people in this area instead.

 

If you're dead-set on an intellectual:

(1) Attend meetings of organizations of anything brainy.

(2) Be careful: Remember that a good brain doesn't always make a good person. Some really evil people have been geniuses.

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burning 4 revenge

(2) Be careful: Remember that a good brain doesn't always make a good person. Some really evil people have been geniuses.

****'* IQ was 134. Don't know if that makes her a genius, but she was pretty damn smart and pretty damn evil. C***.

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You're female and smart - a fatal combination. Go look at the IQ stats - there are far fewer really bright people than average ones. And half of them are women. Of what's left, some are too old, some too young, some gay, etc.

 

So your pool of potential mates is quite small to start with. Then you have to find one that you actually like and get along with. It's a big job. Start now and devote a lot of time to the search and you may be lucky at some point to find someone with all the neccessaries.

 

Outcast is back. :) :) :) :) :) :)

 

-------------------------------------

 

I agree with the above advice.

 

And I can quite relate to your situation.

 

It won't help that many good looking, smart and driven guys are a favourite with a lot of women - so you will have quite a lot of ladies to compete with.

 

*But*, if this can mean anything to you, I got the clear impression that the older you grow, the more qualities such as yours will be appreciated.

They might intimidate kids, but men will value them. :)

That is, if they are smart. But you +are* ooking for smart guys, aren't you? :)

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*But*, if this can mean anything to you, I got the clear impression that the older you grow, the more qualities such as yours will be appreciated.

They might intimidate kids, but men will value them. :)

That is, if they are smart. But you +are* ooking for smart guys, aren't you? :)

 

I'm a smart, good-looking, somewhat driven guy. I'm a real catch, come to think of it.

 

But, while a relationship with a smart chick sounds good in theory, the fact is those relationships are harder, because smart women are more challenging. It's so much easier if I can just offer a well-reasoned-sounding explanation to something and have her accept it, even if it is BS. In that case, I can get my way, or I can get out of having to really plan things out in detail, or I can get out of having to have long painful discussions about things.

 

My ex was extremely smart, and I often told her that things would be a lot easier for me if she was a little dumber.

 

If I end up with anyone at all though, chances are she'll be pretty smart. And I'll just have to learn to deal with it.

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hmmmmm...not sure what is really being 'discussed' here as in intelligence or smarts! sometimes just plain old common sense is more valuable than be able to discuss plato's republic which someone. intelligence includes humour, being open, confidence, the ability to see both sides of the coin, and many other things. for me, its more about being able to communicate naturally with someone and have each other learn from each other with seeing one as the 'teacher' and the other as the 'student'. in my life i have found that women are have the ability to discuss more issues 'openly' and that is something i value - so, i naturally have more female friends [doesn't mean i wanna bonk them - well, i know at least one i do -lol - its simply means i enjoy the company of well-versed individuals - and for whatever reason there have been more females then men like that in my life]

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burning 4 revenge

I don't think the OP was refering to street smarts, but intellectual inclination.

 

I generally am much more attracted to women with some sort of intellectual inclination, but they're usually bright enough to judge me as a douchebag which I guess ties into Johan's point.

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It's so much easier if I can just offer a well-reasoned-sounding explanation to something and have her accept it, even if it is BS. In that case, I can get my way, or I can get out of having to really plan things out in detail, or I can get out of having to have long painful discussions about things.

 

I've heard male friends of mine say about the same thing (talking about women in general). :)

 

If I end up with anyone at all though, chances are she'll be pretty smart. And I'll just have to learn to deal with it.

 

This is very encouraging to any woman who might regard herself as a smart person, and probably one of the best compliments your future gf might have received! ;)

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burning 4 revenge

For the record, not following current events isn't exclusionary of intelligence. Some of the brightest people I know live in their own world.

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I generally am much more attracted to women with some sort of intellectual inclination, but they're usually bright enough to judge me as a douchebag which I guess ties into Johan's point.

 

Ha ha. I doubt anyone who really knows you considers you a douchebag.

 

This is very encouraging to any woman who might regard herself as a smart person, and probably one of the best compliments your future gf might have received! ;)

 

;)

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Smarty pants women often have greater difficulty with relationships because, for whatever reason, they are detached from their emotions to a greater degree than the less brainy women.

 

Your ability to separate relationships and hookups is revealing.

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Being smart, bright or intelligent doesn't always equal great knowledge of current affairs, geography, history etc. People often tend to confuse the two though. From your description it sounds more like you want a guy who is knowledgable and opinionated than just "smart". Some of the biggest geniuses I have met (and I work in academia) have almost no connection or knowledge of the outside world but are crazily obssesed with their own piece of research they are working on. I have also met plenty of people that think being able to discuss history of classical music at greath depth is highly correlated with a person's IQ :rolleyes:

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You rarely get all three in one package.

 

Really? Your girlfriend did!

 

Blueyedgirl is right. I had a friend with a PHD in pure mathematics - he got full marks on the maths SAT (I'm not sure how it works, he had to sit it to go to university in the USA and we're Australians - he got a scholarship to do his PHD) and he is the vaguest person I've ever known.

 

Similarly, I know a opthalmic surgeon who lectures all over the world and has operated on the eyes of world leaders - he, too, is vague as!

 

In my experience, except for the mathematician whom I had a massive crush on, I've found that the really good looking, smart professional guys don't care about intelligence - they want a blonde swimsuit model. Being smart to this group of men is like soaking yourself in man repellent.

 

The fair to moderately attractive looking guys are the ones who prefer highly educated women who can't pull off the coquettish, giggly, helpless dame persona (like me).

 

If I were a guy, I'd find the coquettish dimwits really irritating and pathetic but guys seem to love that ****.

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I've found that the really good looking, smart professional guys don't care about intelligence - they want a blonde swimsuit model.

 

Yes you are right Noos. I have read a book, "The Art of Seduction" (I would recommend it to anyone), it says there that intellectual types of men are attracted to "sexy siren" types of women, they find intelligence in a woman a turn off - that is actually their anti-type.

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Just want to add that I'm not attracted to the intellectual types so much, more to the weird, eccentric "mad genious" types, like that mathematician Noos described, guys like that make me go :love:

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burning 4 revenge
Yes you are right Noos. I have read a book, "The Art of Seduction" (I would recommend it to anyone), it says there that intellectual types of men are attracted to "sexy siren" types of women, they find intelligence in a woman a turn off - that is actually their anti-type.
sorry for dropping in here again, but that's just totally absurd.

 

all of the very intelligent people i know who are over 30 are attracted to other very intelligent people. except for maybe a few of the women.

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all of the very intelligent people i know who are over 30 are attracted to other very intelligent people. except for maybe a few of the women.

 

Then why are CNN junkie and so many other intelligent women running into problems with attracting intelligent men?

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all of the very intelligent people i know who are over 30 are attracted to other very intelligent people. except for maybe a few of the women.

 

This is very good news. All intelligent people who are over 30 that I know are attracted to other intelligent people, too.

 

Or at least they'd *get in a serious relationship* only with intelligent people.

Some of them would not have problems dating and screwing around with attractive but not particularly bright men or women.

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Then why are CNN junkie and so many other intelligent women running into problems with attracting intelligent men?

 

Because CNN Junkie is under 30, and most of the under 30 guys just want to get laid. They don't want to talk current events, etc.

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