Community Forums

Reload this Page Community Forums > Transitioning > Getting Married

Wedding Questions

Getting Married Cold feet to pre-marital stressors--the place to discuss all the issues that come with saying "I do."

LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 18th May 2006, 6:16 PM   #1
Established Member
MarnieGirl's Avatar
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Covent Garden
Posts: 256
Wedding Questions

I am getting married in a few months and I have a few questions.

I don't think I am as uptight as some of these brides-to-be on several of these wedding websites. They make it seem like the day is all about what everyone else thinks, and I don't feel this way.

I guess I'll get to my problem.

I do have a biological father, but my step-father is really who I consider as my "father." There is no bad blood between my real father and me, he just moved after my parents divorced and we were too far to maintain a very close relationship.

I would like my step-father to walk me down the aisle, for the reason I explained above. Obviously, my father would still be invited to my wedding.

Is this rude? Everyone else seems to think so, but I thought it was my day and I choose what makes me happy. I don't know if my biological father even minds. Maybe I should talk to him?

It seems that being socially-correct is more important to a wedding, according to all the stuff I've looked at. And I disagree--I don't really think it's anyone's business. But seeing as my father as well as my step-father will both be at the wedding, I don't want my choice to end up being the topic of conversation, and maybe be embarrassing for all of us.

Is there a good way to deal with this?
MarnieGirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th May 2006, 6:32 PM   #2
Established Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Where the Sun Shines
Posts: 592
I don't think it's rude. It's your wedding and people will accept whatever you choose. My cousin had this problem at her wedding, too. She ended up walking down the aisle with both of them. I think that anyone who is so rude as to comment on the decision you make is probably not someone you will want to spend much time with outside of the reception! To me, that behavior is socially incorrect! Your reasons sound adequate to me.
I think you should talk to both your stepfather and bio father about this arrangement and make sure that they are both comfortable with it, as well.
"A man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest."
- Simon & Garfunkel
CaterpillarGirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th May 2006, 6:38 PM   #3
Established Member
MarnieGirl's Avatar
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Covent Garden
Posts: 256
Thank you very much. That's how I feel about it. I wanted to see what some people who weren't all caught up in weddings thought too. Some of those sites, it's like a cult of evil brides who are going to have very stark, very stiff weddings.
MarnieGirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th May 2006, 8:12 PM   #4
Established Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: hiding in casanovas linen closet
Posts: 327
you could always call them both up on three way and say that you honestly love them both to death and had a hard time choosing which to ask. to you, they are both your fathers. make them promise that they will both attend, tell them you are about to draw a name from a hat and that person will be the one to walk you down the aisle, however the other one must dance the father daughter dance with you. after they compromise on this, draw the name .
penkitten is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19th May 2006, 8:18 AM   #5
Established Member
bab's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Mid West
Posts: 1,391
I definitely caught up in weddings right now as mine is in just over a week, but I'm not one of those crazy girls on those websites either. You shouldn't worry about what your guests think, but you should worry about what your fathers think. This is a touchy subject, so be careful when you talk to your bio dad. He may be more disappointed than you think. It is certainly your decision, but just try to be gentle with your bio dad.
bab is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19th May 2006, 10:17 AM   #6
Established Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 7,398
Why not ask them both? Think how sad you'd be if a child of yours showed the whole world they loved someone else best. What you want to remember about your wedding is that not only you were happy, but all your guests shared wholly in your happiness.
Outcast is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 21st May 2006, 9:50 AM   #7
Posts: n/a
MarnieGirl, I totally hear you. My wedding will be in August (G-d willing) and like you I've been totally appalled by the wedding "industry" and the chokehold they have on naive brides. And talk about the EXPENSES!!

After spending hours trying to find invitations that would cost me less than an arm and a leg (it seems $700 is a reasonable price for stationery... we're talking paper here, not goldleaf), I decided to design them myself, and email the designs to a cheapie printing company I found online. The whole thing will end up costing me $200.

And G-d forbid you decide to forego something as "essential" as a $950 cake, a $2000 one-time-use dress, or you make your own hand-tied rose bouquet rather than dropping $3000 on "floral".

Free yourself to think outside the box. As long as your dads are comfortable with the processional arrangements, then FORGET what others might think of it. You'd hate to carry the memory of an awkward wedding moment with you forever, especially when you realize that the guests have completely forgotten all about it. There are two basic things a guest needs in order to enjoy a wedding: enough food not to go hungry, and to see the love glowing in the faces of the bride and groom. Everything else is a bonus.

Good luck!!!
  Reply With Quote


Thread Tools
Display Modes


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Just some random wedding questions... Thinkalot Getting Married 4 29th June 2004 6:17 PM
Boy, is it tough not to ask questions about his FIRST wedding! Thinkalot Self-Improvement and Personal Well-Being 24 7th June 2004 2:48 AM
I'm confused on the wedding ring, Wedding band thing. Which is which? greeniebeenie Getting Married 6 5th November 2003 1:06 PM

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 4:03 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.

Copyright © 1997-2018 All Rights Reserved.