MsBlink Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 It's been a while since I've posted on here...hey y'all. *Winks* Straight to the point: What's your definition/take on "shacking"? I have had my own opinions about it for quite some time, but I've found them to change rather drastically as I go through my relationship with my fiance. Hey, I have no problem on it, since we do plan on getting married. My family, however, *chuckles* that's another question. To save face with my family, if neccessary, do I hide even planning to live with him; tell them and hear the drama of it all; or leave it be until we're closer to our wedding date? Any take on the question is an appreciated one! ~MsBlink Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 I remember having a similar conversation with my sister when the opportunity arose for my bf and I to move in together. Couple questions to see how the best way to approach it: 1. How old are the 2 of you? 2. When's the wedding? 3. Do your parents support you financially in any fashion? Link to post Share on other sites
Devils Advocate Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 On whether you believe the studies done on this living choice. If you do believe them then if you shack up you're about 3-5 times more likely to divorce than if you skip that step and just get married. If you don't believe them then it's up to you. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenRose Posted December 18, 2005 Share Posted December 18, 2005 I can say, I would never marry someone who I didn't live with beforehand. The adjustment period is way weird, and I'd want that out of the way. I think that as long as you're responsible about it, then there are no problems! Luckily, my family doesn't have any issues with me living with my sigificant other. Besides, I pay all my own bills and they don't really have a say. If you're an adult, then they should respect that you can make your own decisions. It's not like you're doing something crazy. It's 2005 (almost 2006). It's not the 1950's anymore! Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted December 18, 2005 Share Posted December 18, 2005 To save face with my family, if neccessary, do I hide even planning to live with him; tell them and hear the drama of it all; or leave it be until we're closer to our wedding date? Don't hide it; they'll find out eventually and there'll be more trouble than it's worth. Be upfront, clear, and unapologetic. Don't give in to emotional blackmail (some mothers - fathers, too - are experts at this) because it's your life, your decision, and they have raised you to be an intelligent woman. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted December 18, 2005 Share Posted December 18, 2005 On whether you believe the studies done on this living choice. If you do believe them then if you shack up you're about 3-5 times more likely to divorce than if you skip that step and just get married. If you don't believe them then it's up to you. Those studies are poorly done and mistake correlation with causation. Pay them no mind. I agree that I would never marry someone without first having lived together. Your family needs to catch up to the times. After all it's not as though you're doing it instead of marrying. Link to post Share on other sites
kitkat826 Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 Those studies are poorly done and mistake correlation with causation. Pay them no mind. Agreed. People who are less likely to live together before marriage are also less likely to choose divorce later down the road. Its a general trend towards a more conservative view of marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
JayKay Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 If you are already having an intimate sexual relationship with someone, I don't see what's wrong with 'shacking up' I mean, seriously. What's the point of not shacking up? To avoid giving the impression that you're having sex with each other? If you are over the age of 18 you are legal consenting adults and can make your own opinions. I personally would never marry someone I haven't lived with. I've been 'shacking up' for the past 5 1/2 years and we haven't gotten married because we both hate weddings. If someone thinks we're statistically doomed to failure, I might point out that my BF's best friend has been 'shacking up' with his girlfriend for 12 years and they own a house together. I see some very stable 'shacked' couples. IF it's against your moral and religious convictions, then you must sort that out as best you can. If it's merely that you wish to avoid a long, protracted conversation with your family, you might consider taking a stand and defending it.....good practice for when you encounter tough issues within your marriage. There are times you need to defend your own point of view and not hide behind 'what's safe' Link to post Share on other sites
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