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Partner's daughter said she would be PROUD if she found out her dad cheats on me.


Getting Married Cold feet to pre-marital stressors--the place to discuss all the issues that come with saying "I do."

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Old 12th February 2019, 1:59 PM   #16
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We have lived together for the past 4 years. I live with him in his house -- majority of the time. And when we are back in my old town -- we stay at my place.

We are rarely apart. So yeah -- it will feel like a divorce. Actually probably worse because I spend so much darn time with him. Far more than I ever spent with my ex husband. We both had full time jobs and worked hard and then hung out when off..

THIS situation is strange. I just wander and basically follow his lead. I work remotely -- take calls -- I'm pretty much just with him.

It's going to be a HUGE change. Hard for me to wrap my head around it.


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Originally Posted by Orokotikki View Post
Gently - everything is always a bit 'complicated' - don't let that become an excuse. Its not that complicated. Not so complicated you can't deal with it as millions do every day.


Be strong, everyone here send kind thoughts.


Maybe letting him give you a lackluster and unimpressive Vday will help you break free, which he may well ruin half intentionally - he is not putting much effort into the R from the sounds of things.


I Wouldn't let him move in or stay in your place with the relationship in such disastrous state. That would be inviting more disaster, entanglement and abuse given his behavior.
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Old 12th February 2019, 2:49 PM   #17
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So we have plans to go stay at my place starting tomorrow....until the weekend.


I would suggest you stay at your place after the weekend. You really do need a life outside him. What friends or activities do you have?
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Old 12th February 2019, 4:17 PM   #18
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I feel like it will have to be a complete shut down of communication. I can't do it peace meal. He feels it....and every time I've tried to distance at all -- it's not gone well.

I don't have friends or activities outside of him. My life has truly been him....so it will take A LOT of adjustment.
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Old 12th February 2019, 4:25 PM   #19
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It will be alot of adjustment, huge changes, but not more than you can handle.
Complete NC after breakup does sound best.
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Old 12th February 2019, 5:15 PM   #20
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Maybe I should start another thread on this....not sure what is best given I'm new to this community. I'll try both and delete if needed.

My fiance had his house when we first met. It's a pretty custom home he built with his second wife. She moved out about a year before I met him.

He is a VERY smart man -- he's a doctor by trade. He is very, very suspicious. He has security cameras in and outside of the house. For the first 2 years he told me things during arguments about what I was doing -- that blew me away.

Turns out he was listening to conversations on the house cameras while I was in the house. Even work...anything. He was listening.

He would also get notified if I left the house for something and he would randomly text me and ask where I was going.

I have been living like this for 4 years. After I finally hit the room enough -- he gave me access to the cameras. But he's constantly recording. He has also told me during fights that he is non stop recording our arguments.


A couple of times I recorded him on my iPhone screaming at me --so I could have my therapist hear it -- to make sure "I" wasn't crazy.

He caught me. He mandates now during a fight that I show him the phone...
to prove i'm not recording him.

So bottom line -- in a normal relationship -- how would you feel if your spouse had a nest camera system and watched you while at home? He will be at work -- and just yesterday-- I tried to turn off the camera while I was in the living room.

I think he got a notification and I saw that he turned it back on and continued the recording. Again -- I have access to it -- but I NEVER check it. He is constantly watching me or listening in to my conversations.
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Old 12th February 2019, 5:20 PM   #21
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My fiance records me on his home cameras -- would you be ok with it?

My fiance had his own house when we first met. It's a pretty custom home he built with his second wife. She moved out about a year before I met him. I moved in with him. (I also have my own place, but we live primarily in his home)

He is a VERY smart man -- he's a doctor by trade. He is very, very suspicious. He has security cameras in and outside of the house. For the first 2 years he told me things during arguments about what I was doing -- that blew me away.

Turns out he was listening to conversations on the house cameras while I was in the house. Even work...anything. He was listening.

He would also get notified if I left the house for something and he would randomly text me and ask where I was going.

I have been living like this for 4 years. After I finally hit the roof enough -- he gave me access to the cameras. But he's constantly recording. He has also told me during fights that he is non stop recording our arguments.


A couple of times I recorded him on my iPhone screaming at me --so I could have my therapist hear it -- to make sure "I" wasn't crazy. He always blames me for everything and i've learned he does gaslighting well...telling me what I know to be true -- is false.

He caught me. He mandates now during a fight that I show him my phone...
to prove i'm not recording him.

So bottom line -- in a normal relationship -- how would you feel if your spouse had a nest camera system and watched you while at home? He will be at work -- and just yesterday-- I tried to turn off the camera while I was in the living room.

I think he got a notification and I saw that he turned it back on and continued the recording. Again -- I have access to it -- but I NEVER check it. He is constantly watching me or listening in to my conversations.

He does this only when he WANTS to. It's not like he's sitting in an office non stop watching me. But he does monitor me.

He told ME that if "I" record him on my iPhone in HIS home -- it's a felony and he could press charges. He's full of crap.

We live in Texas -- a 1 party state. I have FULL Ability to record anyone I want to....
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Old 12th February 2019, 5:22 PM   #22
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You are choosing to let him bully you like this. I wouldn't tolerate it. You are a prisoner & he's nuts. Dollars to donuts this creepy behavior is why his 2nd wife moved out.
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Old 12th February 2019, 5:28 PM   #23
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It may have been one of their problems but I don't think so.

I know HE left her -- and it was because she was causing many problems. HOWEVER, I know from his parents -- she was begging him back. Not sure what that means...

I just don't think it was the cameras. But -- yeah, I hate that I know everything I'm doing in the living room or foyer (I work from home) is recorded.


Quote:
Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
You are choosing to let him bully you like this. I wouldn't tolerate it. You are a prisoner & he's nuts. Dollars to donuts this creepy behavior is why his 2nd wife moved out.
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Old 12th February 2019, 5:33 PM   #24
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With the daughter issues & the assistant, why do you stay?
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Old 12th February 2019, 5:35 PM   #25
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He would not be my fiance anymore. Why is this behavior being accepted by you?
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Old 12th February 2019, 5:40 PM   #26
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I blame myself. Certainly I'm the first to come here and say every story has 2 sides -- so I'm trying to get VERY fair advice.

I don't think he's having an affair with his assistant -- but I do hate his defensive attitude around her.

The daughter? She hates me because he got arrested early on in our relationship. I was married for 15 years to a very quiet and stable man.

I met my current fiance-- he's latin -- surgeon. I had never known anyone to be so loud and aggressive. We had a fight and I was concerned that he would do something bad to me.

I tried to leave and he wouldn't let me (he was trying to save relationship) and I called 911. While I told police I didnt' want him arrested --- they arrested him anyway for failure to let me call 911.

When that happened -- his family found out -- and he trashed me etc. etc. So everytime someone in his family doesn't like me or does something...he always says...well, they don't trust you because you got their dad arrested.

So -- I don't know. NOW I don't believe he would actively hurt me (physically) and I've come to get used to his anger and loud aggression/emotional abuse.
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Old 12th February 2019, 5:41 PM   #27
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Why do you stay with him?

I wouldn't tolerate the cameras/spying. Not at all.
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Old 12th February 2019, 5:50 PM   #28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by liladavis662 View Post
I've come to get used to his ... abuse.
You don't have to.
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Old 12th February 2019, 5:50 PM   #29
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Get away from this guy. He's already hurting you.
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Old 12th February 2019, 5:53 PM   #30
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I've heard a LOT about what i've done wrong. So let me just say this..

This is what I think he would say to justify the equation.

It's a NEST security camera. It's sold at Home depot -- people use these not stop in their homes. Why is he any different? It's normal to monitor your own home.

So let me just be fair with that -- becasue when he says this stuff (maybe it's the abuse) I immediately try to justify it ...

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Originally Posted by Tamfana View Post
Get away from this guy. He's already hurting you.
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