Community Forums

Reload this Page Community Forums > Transitioning > Getting Married

I tested my fiancé and he gave me this answer....I am stunned.

Getting Married Cold feet to pre-marital stressors--the place to discuss all the issues that come with saying "I do."

Like Tree52Likes
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 13th November 2018, 2:33 AM   #31
Established Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 507
I don't loan money unless I'm comfortable calling it a gift if/when the borrower can't repay it. I can't imagine any level of wealth at which I'd be comfortable putting 25k on the line like that, unless someone's life literally depended on it.

Even with a contract, there's no guarantee you'll ever get that money back - but there's a great chance you'll destroy a relationship over the course of trying to collect on the debt, or holding it over their head.

If you can prove you're "good for it" and open to signing a contract and having aggressive action taken to collect on the debt... go ask an appropriate financial institution for a loan.

The way OP describes this business venture, the process of blowing through her initial funds, and the desperate search for more investors, inspires absolutely no confidence whatsoever in its future profitability.

Also, OP accuses her fiancé of being "financially abusive." Sounds like the sort of thing my ex-husband would have told his family about ME when I confiscated his bank cards and credit cards for all of our shared accounts and started giving him an allowance... after he demonstrated a chronic habit of reckless spending, overdrawing our accounts, not leaving enough for food and important bills, etc.

Ex-H ALSO rode my ass about not "being supportive" (read: throwing money at) his business ventures... none of which were ever well-planned or well-researched or particularly good ideas to begin with. All of which were vast sinkholes for time and resources. HMMMMMMM.

Not slinging any accusations of my own here, just saying, I'm not entirely convinced that OP's fiancé didn't actually make the BEST possible decision here.

Even if this is a golden opportunity for OP and all is legit... and REGARDLESS of the future success of this business... OP insisted on separate finances because she wanted financial independence. OP: welcome to the world of financial independence from your partner. This is exactly what you signed up for. You don't get to only be a team when you get what you want or it benefits you somehow.

Edit to add: I'm also not sure how it adds up that OP insinuates she has poor credit resulting from her divorce, as if that's routine and expected enough to take at face value and not question her own financial decision-making thus far... but she reached out to her ex-husband to help her with a substantial amount of money. Why did she come out of the divorce with bad credit and limited resources but her ex-husband is doing well enough to throw money at her? Could it be, perhaps, that she is struggling because she carried the financial baggage of her poor decision-making with her out of her previous marriage and into this relationship?

Last edited by Kitty Tantrum; 13th November 2018 at 2:50 AM..
Kitty Tantrum is offline  
Old 13th November 2018, 4:11 AM   #32
Established Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Antipodes
Posts: 13,438
Originally Posted by HiCrunchy View Post
Hmmm, OP would you be okay with getting the loan under the condition that you sign a contract and required to pay it back?

Or would that sour the grapes with your boyfriend?
In the start of the post, I asked if she'd offered security and a binding contract. No response.
basil67 is offline  
Old 13th November 2018, 8:02 AM   #33
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 3,476
I hope you pay back your parents/ex-husband who decided to loan you the money. If your 1.5 million grant/semi-loan is a real deal, you can easily take the offer letter to borrow the 25k from a financial institution. They’ll probably charge you a high rate, but it’s nothing as you’re getting half of the 1.5m for free.
JuneL is offline  
Old 13th November 2018, 8:29 AM   #34 Moderator Moderator
Tristian's Avatar
Join Date: May 2018
Location: A little off center
Posts: 184
Two weeks without a response from the OP so we'll shut this one down. Thanks for all the replies.
Tristian is offline  


Thread Tools
Display Modes


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Ex of 5 Years Emotionally Cheated and Left Me For Him - Stunned! Cornelius_Smiff Breaks and Breaking Up 41 22nd March 2017 9:04 AM
I am stunned and horrified by what I just found Intownup Marriage & Life Partnerships 104 27th September 2016 9:20 AM
Stunned and heartbroken....what went wrong?? nat28 Breaks and Breaking Up 11 25th June 2003 12:10 AM
Help I am so stunned worm Archive 1 23rd December 2001 11:24 PM

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 9:08 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.

Copyright © 1997-2018 All Rights Reserved.