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I tested my fiancé and he gave me this answer....I am stunned.


Getting Married Cold feet to pre-marital stressors--the place to discuss all the issues that come with saying "I do."

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Old 2nd November 2018, 9:52 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by harrell1975 View Post

In the past year, I have built a start up company. He initially told me I was not worth my time (even though it had cross over in his area of expertise). He told me that I should stick to my "day job". He refused to help me.

Then, by the grace of God I got a small amount of help/investor money. (He wouldn't help me get a line of credit...knowing that he prevented me from getting a better credit score after my divorce because HE was controlling ALL the credit and prohibiting me from getting a new card to reestablish myself).

Anyway, I thought all was taking off. But the money went fast. I started searching high and low for more investors. I also applied for a grant/very low interest loan from a non-profit that helps start ups in my niche.

He sounds like he wants to be in control of you or is afraid of your success.

Unless your start up is an extremely stupid idea, which I can’t even think of an example, or he knows you have issues that will derail you such as major bipolar disorder or something, he should support you.

A $25,000 loan might be a stretch, especially because of the volatility of your relationship, but he should support you with encouragement and some free help where he can.

How can he prevent you from getting a credit card? I have no control over my wife’s money. She has been getting credit cards without my knowledge.

Dating and being engaged shouldn’t be this hard. Marriage will be hard even for the best relationships.
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Old 2nd November 2018, 11:57 AM   #17
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I wouldn't lend this amount of money even to someone I trusted without either a marriage certificate or formalised loan agreement with security.
I totally get that and that’s every person’s peragative. I think it’s more his mean spirit about it - and about other things - that raises serious questions about his character.
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Old 2nd November 2018, 12:27 PM   #18
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"To my relief, they granted me a 1.5 MILLION dollar loan -- with only half to be payed back at 3% interest. It was AMAZING.

He didn't seem extremely sincere in his happiness for me. But I left it alone. Well, I found out that in order for them to grant me this grant -- I needed to have a balance in my business checking of 25k. The reason is because I had a letter of intent from a client but their money hadn't come in yet. The person in charge told me it was just fine for me to take money from family or friends to get this done. They stated this in writing for my lawyers."

This sounds so close to the nigerian prince scam (or at least significantly dubious). I don't blame him. You think he was financially abusive and wanted separate finances but then come up asking for a huge lump sum, he maintains his boundary, which you helped establish, and then liken it to be cheated on? Where are your boundaries? You want your finances separate except when I want something bad enough?
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Old 2nd November 2018, 12:33 PM   #19
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Which by the way, I hope you never have to experience being cheated on.
If you do, I think you will find it much worse than someone not putting $25K on their credit card for you.
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Old 2nd November 2018, 8:20 PM   #20
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Would never loan or give 25,000 to my fiance for such a venture. ever. I side with ur bf on this one.
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Old 4th November 2018, 12:20 AM   #21
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This sounds so close to the nigerian prince scam (or at least significantly dubious). I don't blame him. You think he was financially abusive and wanted separate finances but then come up asking for a huge lump sum, he maintains his boundary, which you helped establish, and then liken it to be cheated on? Where are your boundaries? You want your finances separate except when I want something bad enough?

This was my first thought. If someone is willing to loan you money, it's because you don't have any. Yet they want 25K up front?

Is it a loan or a grant? It sounds more like a grant if you only have to pay back half of it.

And, can you give my the info; I'd like to apply!
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Old 4th November 2018, 3:39 AM   #22
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I don’t think you should be surprised. And in fact, don’t be surprised if he is also light pissed at you for asking.

What I mean is this. First, you are not married, and so expectations to act as a single until are void, reasonably so. Also, you made point already because of your stated opinion that he is abusive of financials, had taken the decision to split the financials going forward. Also, I think the right decision. But, now, when beneficial to you, you want to tangle the finances together again.

This is going to be viewed as a double standard by him. It looks like you put some ‘family’ guide rules in place to protect yourself, but those same rules shouldn’t apply to him? That, and your opinion of his finances may be off if he has 500K in retirement saved up...good for him!

Just saying, my wife once told me she HATED when I finished the toilet paper role and didn’t replace it. I started replacing it religiously. When I noticed she doesn’t replace it herself, it was a big fight. She wanted to hold me accoubtable to a standard that she was unwilling to hold herself to, and didn’t show me the respect to treat me as she wished to be treated. Of course others will loan it to you...because you have not made rules with them. Your boyfriend has a right to be upset in my opinion.
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Old 11th November 2018, 1:15 PM   #23
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Strictly in financial terms, it sounds rather dubious that anyone would loan you $1.5 million with the sole requirement being that you have $25k in the bank. What's the interest rate and payment schedule? If it's favourable, I might apply...


Also, doesn't being engaged mean that you're actively planning to get married? 4 years sounds like an awfully long time to me. What is the meaning of "engagement" in this case?


That being said, with the overall picture, especially with his mean-spirited comments about your career, I think you dodged a bullet here.
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Old 12th November 2018, 8:13 PM   #24
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I think many people are jumping to conclusions without considering whether OP's business is profitable or even feasible to get off the ground

Many people start business that don't have the tools or know how to run successfully

Maybe that's why the fiance didn't want to loan her the money and suggested she keep her day job

Unless he believes her business is a smart idea, meaning it will generate good money and it's not just a pipe dream...he's well within his rights not to loan her 25k. That's a big chunk of money that he may not see back.

I've seen what happens when people start businesses and they don't go anywhere except down the toilet and boom...thousands of dollars are lost

Also, that 1.5 million grant sounds like a total scam. I think the fiance knows what's up and he's not cosigning. I don't blame him.

Last edited by Disillusionment373; 12th November 2018 at 8:22 PM..
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Old 12th November 2018, 8:32 PM   #25
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I think many people are jumping to conclusions without considering whether OP's business is profitable or even feasible to get off the ground

Many people start business that don't have the tools or know how to run successfully

Maybe that's why the fiance didn't want to loan her the money and suggested she keep her day job

Unless he believes her business is a smart idea, meaning it will generate good money and it's not just a pipe dream...he's well within his rights not to loan her 25k. That's a big chunk of money that he may not see back.

I've seen what happens when people start businesses and they don't go anywhere except down the toilet and boom...thousands of dollars are lost

Also, that 1.5 million grant sounds like a total scam. I think the fiance knows what's up and he's not cosigning. I don't blame him.
I think most of us are assuming that the grant is for real. She was asking for a temporary loan that was only for a matter of days, not an actual loan. So whether her business survives or not isn’t really relevant. And, really, the main issue with her fiancé is his nasty attitude toward her in general.
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Old 12th November 2018, 9:13 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by bathtub-row View Post
I think most of us are assuming that the grant is for real. She was asking for a temporary loan that was only for a matter of days, not an actual loan. So whether her business survives or not isn’t really relevant. And, really, the main issue with her fiancé is his nasty attitude toward her in general.
Money given to another with the expectation of repayment is an actual loan. Doesn't matter if it's two days or two years.

With a written agreement, she could also turn around in a few days time and say "I thought it was a gift". Plenty of that happens when money in romantic relationships goes back and forth.
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Old 12th November 2018, 9:19 PM   #27
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Money given to another with the expectation of repayment is an actual loan. Doesn't matter if it's two days or two years.

With a written agreement, she could also turn around in a few days time and say "I thought it was a gift". Plenty of that happens when money in romantic relationships goes back and forth.
Hmmm, OP would you be okay with getting the loan under the condition that you sign a contract and required to pay it back?

Or would that sour the grapes with your boyfriend?

Last edited by HiCrunchy; 12th November 2018 at 9:24 PM..
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Old 12th November 2018, 10:25 PM   #28
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Originally Posted by bathtub-row View Post
I think most of us are assuming that the grant is for real. She was asking for a temporary loan that was only for a matter of days, not an actual loan. So whether her business survives or not isn’t really relevant. And, really, the main issue with her fiancé is his nasty attitude toward her in general.
I'm not assuming the grant is real because it doesn't sound like it is. What organization would loan someone 1.5 mil as long as they have 25k in their account? Doesn't sound legit to me. And the legitimacy of the grant is important because if it is a scam, her fiance wouldn't get back back that 25k.

I don't know about any of you, but I wouldn't be willing to contribute 25k to a business my partner was starting that didn't have a good shot at succeeding even if I was paid back. If the business doesn't succeed, OP may owe money and may have wasted a lot of time...all of that is relevant in terms of why the fiance may not want to get involved financially

I haven't weighed in the fiance's attitude towards all this except not wanting to loan her the money. I'll let others give their 0.02 cents on that.
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Old 13th November 2018, 12:43 AM   #29
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Again, it’s certainly her fiancé’s right not to want to loan the money to her. The problem as I see it is that he has a crappy and controlling attitude toward her.
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Old 13th November 2018, 1:17 AM   #30
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I do find it kind of odd that OP decided to keep finances separate until she needed his money

Double standard
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