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Want to get married but from different castes


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Old 23rd October 2018, 5:36 AM   #1
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Want to get married but from different castes

Me and my boyfriend we are together for four years but we are from different caste and now we want to get married but we didn't understand how to convey our parents.

Advise me.
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Old 27th October 2018, 4:18 PM   #2
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Inform your parents do not ask their permission.

The reaction from both sets of parents will also depend on how open you both have been with them. If they know your boyfriend and have met him plus seen you dating for 4 years, they will not be surprised. Knowing Indian families, if you have been up-front, they would have ALREADY repeatedly talked to you about your relationship and made it know they were against it. Still however, they would know what’s coming.

If you two have hidden the whole thing for 4 years, there will be a **** storm of anger, threats of disenheritence, etc etc.

It will also depend on how “western” or “traditional” your parents are.

You already know all of this.

Again........ tell them you are in love with your fiancé and are going to marry him. Do not under any circumstance either ask or expect their permission/acceptance. They will most likely come around in a few years. Also be prepared for the fact they may never.

This is a reality when cultures and traditions collide. I have one friend who married a lower caste and her parents accepted it. I have another whose parents put her through medical school and had arranged her marriage to another high caste western educated doctor. When she fell in love with a white guy accountant they were furious. They lowered the whole “how can you dishonour us like this” “you’ve wrecked our life” “you’re ungrateful/don’t love us and a ****ty daughter” boom. She’s still waiting for them to come around and has accepted the fact, that they may never.

Good luck
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Old 27th October 2018, 6:15 PM   #3
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I'm assuming since you mention the caste system, that you are Indian. Correct me if I'm wrong. Are you living in India, or elsewhere? That's going to make a difference, I imagine. If you are still living in your family's homeland, that is going to make a bigger difference than if you are living elsewhere. Elsewhere, you can escape the whole thing if you need to.

I would say you need to do what you want, but be prepared to lose two families - both yours and his. Inform them, but don't ask permission. It is your life. I'm kind of surprised that your family being so traditional that they haven't attempted an arranged match. You may end up having to deal with an attempt at that.

I identify with some of what you may be feeling. My husband's family is different from mine. I grew up in severe poverty, but my husband's family had money. My parents were not good workers and were abusive, while his parents were professionals. When we were younger we hid our relationship because our parents would not have approved of us even being friends. My father even shot at my husband once in a drunken rage. Even now that we are older and married and have a child together, my mother-in-law still looks down on me. My father-in-law still has difficulty accepting my husband's place in the world as an adult man - even though my husband has three wives and several children, and more money and power than his father ever had. The sad thing is that it is nearly impossible to escape from your parents. My father is dead and I have no contact with my mother, but their shadow still hangs over my life. You have to try your best to be yourself and maintain your relationships, even when it seems impossible. You also have to try your best to do your duty to your family...even when the don't agree, understand, or appreciate it.
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