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I think our engagement is on to a good start ** Updated **


Getting Married Cold feet to pre-marital stressors--the place to discuss all the issues that come with saying "I do."

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Old 27th September 2018, 8:44 AM   #16
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We plan on getting married in April or May and I’m trying to start early and get everything together and he told me to do all the planning and that he was just gonna show up the day of the wedding.Are most men like this and just allow you to plan the whole thing? It seems stressful.
It is the bride's family that is supposed to plan the wedding. Not the bride. Not the groom. It is supposed to be the family's "gift" to the new couple.

I would say the same thing he did. If you are having a hard time getting it done then you are making it too big and too complicated.

If I ever get married again it will be in front of a Judge and we'll tell everyone after it is done.
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Old 27th September 2018, 9:01 AM   #17
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We plan on getting married in April or May and Iím trying to start early and get everything together and he told me to do all the planning and that he was just gonna show up the day of the wedding.Are most men like this and just allow you to plan the whole thing? It seems stressful.
Heck, I'm like this. JoP is good enough for me.

Hire a wedding planner...

Planning a wedding is a full time job with guaranteed overtime every week.
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Old 27th September 2018, 9:21 AM   #18
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Is that how things are done in your culture?



Who's paying for the wedding?


If you want to get married in next April I'd say you might be late for reservation. I know you are only 18 years old and planning a wedding is overwhelming. Don't you have the assistance of your family?


When I got married 32 years ago my ex-husband participated to all aspects of our wedding. We picked our invitations together, the venue, the menu, the wine, etc etc etc.
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Old 27th September 2018, 9:25 AM   #19
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If he's got no interest in planning the wedding then it's pretty clear he's got no interest in the woman he's marrying. Who is paying for this wedding?
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Old 27th September 2018, 9:43 AM   #20
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In my generation the men stayed out of wedding planning. That was a female thing, generally the bride and her sisters and mother/aunts. The bride's father footed the bill.

Why? If momma ain't happy no one is happy and with wedding planning that's a perpetually moving target men don't want to deal with. Most of my friends did their bachelor parties and showed up when and where instructed. Some are still married decades later so I guess it worked out OK.
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Old 27th September 2018, 11:21 AM   #21
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What is the purpose of getting married so young??? and both of you with NOTHING under your feet?



This man works in a gas station for goodness sake!! What type of miserable life are you gonna start together?? and you did not finish your high school! Not only he works a minimum wage job but he's a pr*k that has no scruples cheating on you and sexually chasing an ex.



Before you tie your life to someone else you need to be able to fetch for yourself and you ain't there yet!! Get yourself back in school, go get a college education that will allow you to financially support yourself on your own. Build some pride in being an Independent woman! You're not gonna be 18 and cute all of your life!
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Old 27th September 2018, 11:41 AM   #22
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I was told by all family friends to stay out of it as much as possible and leave it to my wife so she could get things exactly as she wanted. It was a lot for her and fueled some resentment. I did actually help, just not as much as (it turns out) either of us would have liked.

He might feel lost, as I did, unsure of what would be helping and what would be interfering. Tell him it is too much to handle on your own (especially if you are not getting enough help from family and bridesmaids) and give him a list of SPECIFIC things to handle and explain "I am leaving these up to you to handle, I am counting on you!"

If his wife to be asks for help he should give it! If he won't give his bride to be the help she needs... What is there to make you think he will give his wife the support and help she will (at some time) need?
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Old 27th September 2018, 12:06 PM   #23
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So much for this thought...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Destini View Post
I think our engagement is on to a good start
Mr. Lucky
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Old 27th September 2018, 12:27 PM   #24
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Wow, no way. My husband and I planned everything together, from figuring out our enormous menu to picking accessories on Etsy. It was a lot easier (and more fun!) that way.

Also, unless you're going to an outlet or buying used, you need to get a dress now. Most dresses from a shop are about 9 months from ordering to the event. If you don't have time or the desire for a shop dress, try preownedweddingdresses (dot com).
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Old 27th September 2018, 2:28 PM   #25
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While it's fairly common for the majority of the planning to be done by the woman (partly because many women have very strong opinions on what sort of wedding they always wanted whereas most men don't, and partly due to the "emotional labour gender gap")... in your case I think the reason why he isn't involved is pretty obvious.


Anyway, to stick to the topic, my SO was fairly involved in choosing some of the aspects of the day, came up with some ideas, and did some DIY projects for it as well. But I did most of the day-to-day work in moving things forward, and I singlehandedly picked out some things that he had zero interest in (like the flowers). He works long hours and the majority of the costs are paid from his paycheck, so I think it's fair. If he worked a less demanding job, I would expect things to be more equal.



In your case, frankly I don't see why you're still with him.
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Old 27th September 2018, 4:53 PM   #26
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My ex-wife and I were in our early 30s. Second marriage for her. Her father was dead. We both had VERY good jobs and we had already been 'living in sin' in a house we owned for 3 years. We did all the planning and logistics ourselves. Best damn party I've ever been to (actually a tie because we threw a couple of parties for various milestones in our kids' lives over the years). I ****ing LOVE parties I plan and throw. Sadly, at my age, with many friends and relatives dead, with the likelihood of a second marriage someday low, and with all my kids males, I think my party-throwing days are over in this cycle of the universe. Too bad - I ****ing LOVE parties I plan and throw. It's the food, the music, and getting to see most of the people I love all at once.
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Old 27th September 2018, 4:53 PM   #27
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And so it begins . . . .

While women are generally more into it, if the guy is completely abdicating that's a bad sign that he does not care about you or being married to you. The wedding is a party. The marriage is the important part.

Push this wedding back to April or May of 2020. You will be happier that you did.
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Old 27th September 2018, 6:17 PM   #28
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Originally Posted by carhill View Post
In my generation the men stayed out of wedding planning. That was a female thing, generally the bride and her sisters and mother/aunts. The bride's father footed the bill.

Why? If momma ain't happy no one is happy and with wedding planning that's a perpetually moving target men don't want to deal with. Most of my friends did their bachelor parties and showed up when and where instructed. Some are still married decades later so I guess it worked out OK.
Yep, this is the way I like it. Men are involved with everything now. They even show up at the Bride's wedding shower. It used to be so much fun when it was only girls at Showers.
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Old 27th September 2018, 9:09 PM   #29
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My husband was never very interested in the wedding planning. I bought him a wedding planning book for grooms and asked for his plan on some things so he did contribute some.
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Old 28th September 2018, 1:56 PM   #30
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Yep, this is the way I like it. Men are involved with everything now. They even show up at the Bride's wedding shower. It used to be so much fun when it was only girls at Showers.
I would find it quite sad personally if the groom was not involved at ALL. After all, it's his wedding too.

While there were certainly a few stressful moments in the planning of our wedding, we also have fond memories of all the ideas we came up with together and working on some of the DIY projects together. Regardless of how the actual wedding turns out (thunderstorm at a garden wedding anyone? Hope the best man won't forget the rings... ), those memories will be ours to keep.

Obviously this doesn't mean that men have to be there on hen's night....

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 28th September 2018 at 7:54 PM..
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