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Don't Want a Big Wedding


Getting Married Cold feet to pre-marital stressors--the place to discuss all the issues that come with saying "I do."

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Old 30th July 2018, 8:23 AM   #16
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You can explain to your parents you don’t want them to splurge and prefer the 6K to go on something else (down payment or whatever else of importance to you). I’m also cringing hearing that amount of money to go for a freaking party which is what a wedding is.

The last two weddings of friends were:
1) At the home of the bride, some catered food, but most home cooked, at day time. Maybe 40 people. It was awesome, the family had a big yard where we all stayed. Bride had simple white dress and was wearing silver Toms shoes They were under the dress anyway so who cares.
2) A friend just invited her immediate family from both sides, total of 15 people. Spent the evening in the countryside having bonfire and roasting marshmallows in her white dress but she didn’t care. She got the dress and rings 3 days before the wedding even I was nervous for her she’d not have them by the event but all worked out LOL.

Basically food and drinks are the only expenses that you really need and this can be done for dirt cheap. If I ever have to do it, that’s exactly what I’m thinking. Having enough dresses and shoes at home to pick from, and never letting someone touch my face with ‘professional’ makeup (ie used on 100s of clients ). Veil for a nonvirgin bride is comical anyway.

You have few dogs right? Animal friendly intimate wedding sounds too great

Quote:
Originally Posted by Leigh 87 View Post
So my parents wanted to spend 6k on a wedding. At the venue my fiance and I had our first date. Lovely venue and all but screw that.

I just don't place any importance on an expensive wedding. I have good but few friends and it will be mostly family my mother wants to invite (which I welcome, good to see them all they are all nice people).

I already have two very nice dresses I intend to wear; I do not even want to spend money on a "wedding dress" to be honest. I would rather invest in getting my hair and make up done! Both dresses are cream with a few patterns.

Has anyone (especially fellow Australian's) decided on a lower key wedding, just in someones back yard, with paid catering plus alcohol plus a celebrant as the only expenses?

I am have always known I would never wear a veil, get walked down any isle or have a standard, regular wedding. All we care about is that we get married when the time is right, and it is an uplifting and happy event.

Any cost estimates and ideas as to how to plan this? We have family that live in some very nice houses, should we think about asking them? My cousin did just that....prob saved them thousands, despite both having good jobs! Even if money was no object, I feel it would be such a waste of my parents hard earned money when spending thousands would not even add any joy to the event for us.

I would love to hear about people with similar mindsets, and hear about the costs associated.

Thanks.
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Old 30th July 2018, 11:47 AM   #17
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Originally Posted by No_Go View Post
You can explain to your parents you don’t want them to splurge and prefer the 6K to go on something else (down payment or whatever else of importance to you). I’m also cringing hearing that amount of money to go for a freaking party which is what a wedding is.

Leigh mentioned she wanted professional hair and makeup, a registered celebrant, paid catering (not home-cooked) and alcohol. Estimated costs in Sydney:
- Professional hair (without trial or extensions): $180
- Professional makeup (without trial or lashes): $150
- Celebrant: $500
- Official registration: $200
- Cheap catering: $50 p/p
- Cheap alcohol: $30 p/p
- Cleaner: $100



Add all of that up and you're at a few thousands. My guess is the $6k will just barely cover it.
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Old 30th July 2018, 12:26 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by Elswyth View Post
Add all of that up and you're at a few thousands. My guess is the $6k will just barely cover it.
She only wants 20 people so even using your #s, it's about $3000. The where seems to be the big question. Both her place & her parents' place are too small.
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Old 30th July 2018, 12:28 PM   #19
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Ok, using your calculation if there are 30 guests (she mentioned more intimate size wedding), cost is: 1130+80*30=3530. And thatís presuming everyone will drink alcohol, which is not the case especially if kids are invited.

So 6000 will still leave an excess even if you account money for decorations and the certificate itself. Itís the venue and/or excessive amount of guests that could make the party expensive.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Elswyth View Post
Leigh mentioned she wanted professional hair and makeup, a registered celebrant, paid catering (not home-cooked) and alcohol. Estimated costs in Sydney:
- Professional hair (without trial or extensions): $180
- Professional makeup (without trial or lashes): $150
- Celebrant: $500
- Official registration: $200
- Cheap catering: $50 p/p
- Cheap alcohol: $30 p/p
- Cleaner: $100



Add all of that up and you're at a few thousands. My guess is the $6k will just barely cover it.
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Old 30th July 2018, 12:34 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by No_Go View Post
Ok, using your calculation if there are 30 guests (she mentioned more intimate size wedding), cost is: 1130+80*30=3530. And that’s presuming everyone will drink alcohol, which is not the case especially if kids are invited.

So 6000 will still leave an excess even if you account money for decorations and the certificate itself. It’s the venue and/or excessive amount of guests that could make the party expensive.

Right. What I meant was that (1) $6k isn't a lot of money when it comes to weddings, and (2) she won't be able to put $6k towards anything else because the majority of it will be used for the wedding, even if they go small as you say.


I'm guessing there won't be much left of the $6k because people often encounter unexpected costs.
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Old 30th July 2018, 1:01 PM   #21
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Originally Posted by Elswyth View Post
Right. What I meant was that (1) $6k isn't a lot of money when it comes to weddings, and (2) she won't be able to put $6k towards anything else because the majority of it will be used for the wedding, even if they go small as you say.


I'm guessing there won't be much left of the $6k because people often encounter unexpected costs.
Yeah, Iím not sure Iím understanding correctly the OP but I think Leigh meant her parents wanted to spend the 6K just on the venue.

Otherwise totally agree for unexpected costs, even small things add up. I have thrown one big party (my defense that they dub as academic wedding lol) and I remember spending a lot on stuff like cookies for the reception, extra drinks because people finished tha allocates ones, taxies etc.
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Old 31st July 2018, 3:04 PM   #22
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We had a very small wedding and in total we spent just under $500 which included all the below:

-venue for ceremony: Catholic church
-church donation
-marriage prep weekend (mandatory) classes run by the archdiocese
-lunch after ceremony
-photography taken by a family member

All the cheques and gifts we received we put back into our savings.

Your mother is always going to want to invite all her friends and family. That's what mothers generally tend to do. They get excited and happy and it's natural. My mother was the same way and it broke her heart when I refused to budge. There were moments where I thought I would give in to her but I simply couldn't do it - ie in my mind and deep down, I knew I couldn't because it would ultimately turn into a circus and a traditional wedding I have always despised and suffered through having to go through my brother's and cousins' weddings. I never thought much of those events and couldn't even get on the same page as many of the women whose wedding parties I'd been a part of. I'd mentally check out and not be there but not out of being mean. I just wasn't interested as much as I cared about my family!

My mother eventually came around and that same year she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She ended up being thankful that it wasn't a big wedding because she was ill and scared of all the other things going on. She played a big part in our wedding and it meant a lot to have an intimate (less than 10 people) ceremony and lunch.

In the end I think you should do what you always wanted to do. When you tell people that you are engaged, everyone especially family and your mum, will have suggestions and ideas for you. You'll be overwhelmed and sometimes you'll lose sight of what you want because you love those around you. I have never regretted how we did it and it remains one of the most special, intimate and amazing days of my life. I hope you remember it the way you want to one day. Good luck.
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Old 31st July 2018, 4:28 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by Portia_Vaughn View Post
We had a very small wedding and in total we spent just under $500 which included all the below:

-venue for ceremony: Catholic church
-church donation
-marriage prep weekend (mandatory) classes run by the archdiocese
-lunch after ceremony
-photography taken by a family member

All the cheques and gifts we received we put back into our savings.

Your mother is always going to want to invite all her friends and family. That's what mothers generally tend to do. They get excited and happy and it's natural. My mother was the same way and it broke her heart when I refused to budge. There were moments where I thought I would give in to her but I simply couldn't do it - ie in my mind and deep down, I knew I couldn't because it would ultimately turn into a circus and a traditional wedding I have always despised and suffered through having to go through my brother's and cousins' weddings. I never thought much of those events and couldn't even get on the same page as many of the women whose wedding parties I'd been a part of. I'd mentally check out and not be there but not out of being mean. I just wasn't interested as much as I cared about my family!

My mother eventually came around and that same year she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She ended up being thankful that it wasn't a big wedding because she was ill and scared of all the other things going on. She played a big part in our wedding and it meant a lot to have an intimate (less than 10 people) ceremony and lunch.

In the end I think you should do what you always wanted to do. When you tell people that you are engaged, everyone especially family and your mum, will have suggestions and ideas for you. You'll be overwhelmed and sometimes you'll lose sight of what you want because you love those around you. I have never regretted how we did it and it remains one of the most special, intimate and amazing days of my life. I hope you remember it the way you want to one day. Good luck.
I think I spent $500 on just the flowers. Maybe more. IDK. Everything was insanely expensive and truth be told I did it for the pictures.

I do have my wedding picture hung and my wedding album out for show and everyday I gaze at my wedding dress in the picture which my mom bought and I'm not telling how much that cost. So in a way it was worth it.
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Old 31st July 2018, 5:24 PM   #24
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Different strokes for different folks. We only looked at our wedding photos once since and the photos aren't developed.
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Old 31st July 2018, 5:29 PM   #25
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Different strokes for different folks. We only looked at our wedding photos once since and the photos aren't developed.
I always wanted to be a bride. I like big white princess looking dresses. If it wasn't for the dress I might not have gotten married. I swear the whole bridal thing really warps your mind. I would have always had a boyfriend but maybe not marriage. IDK. I'm still just figuring out who I am.
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Old 1st August 2018, 12:57 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by brigit87 View Post
If it wasn't for the dress I might not have gotten married.

Wait what???? Does your husband know this???


I mean, we're spending a good amount on our wedding because we want to (just like how we splurged on a trip to Europe because we wanted to). But the marriage was never about that!
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Old 1st August 2018, 2:12 PM   #27
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Wait what???? Does your husband know this???


I mean, we're spending a good amount on our wedding because we want to (just like how we splurged on a trip to Europe because we wanted to). But the marriage was never about that!
You'd be surprised how much conditioning your culture drums into you. And yeah my husband knew all along I wasn't crazy about getting married and sort of just wanted to be engaged forever.

We talked about eloping but that seemed sort of depressing. IDK. I like my wedding pictures and I have a good marriage. It all worked out I suppose.
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Old 5th August 2018, 5:58 AM   #28
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The trick is to book as early as possible, because the cheapest places also attract the most interest. The monastery by us rents out a gorgeous space for $300-500 depending on the season, but their calendar is booked almost two full years in advance!
Good idea, thanks.

Well we are in no rush. So whenever we book, whatever the cheapest but best option is - we do not mind waiting for a long period.

We are actually hoping to have kids before marriage and for me to finish my degree mid next year, first.
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Old 5th August 2018, 6:08 AM   #29
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Originally Posted by Elswyth View Post
Leigh mentioned she wanted professional hair and makeup, a registered celebrant, paid catering (not home-cooked) and alcohol. Estimated costs in Sydney:
- Professional hair (without trial or extensions): $180
- Professional makeup (without trial or lashes): $150
- Celebrant: $500
- Official registration: $200
- Cheap catering: $50 p/p
- Cheap alcohol: $30 p/p
- Cleaner: $100



Add all of that up and you're at a few thousands. My guess is the $6k will just barely cover it.

Yeah. Totally screw that

Just no. It just is not what marriage means to me at all.. it is more the will we last forever after kids (or as those of you who are privy to my history know - will we get past infertility and the possible deep depression that a childless life wouldl put me into?)

Marriage is just a formality really, as we prefer using the words husband and wife; just do not value the spending 100000s to do it, due to all the other things we want to invest money on well above the official act of saying "I do"

I am leaning towards my parents or cousin (she has a lovely house and garden and would be happy if I asked her). My parents and I would cook, we all enjoy cooking and cook nice food.

Only expense? A cleaner and hair and make up plus the celebrant and the legal stuff..... Already have the dress I want.

Plus alcohol.

Will have under 30 guests.




Maybe a bit later into our 30s - we would be happy to go the whole hog - catering thrown in and a few thousand.......

But....very unlikely

Last edited by Leigh 87; 5th August 2018 at 6:10 AM..
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Old 5th August 2018, 6:21 AM   #30
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She only wants 20 people so even using your #s, it's about $3000. The where seems to be the big question. Both her place & her parents' place are too small.
My cousin has 2 lovely homes she would definitely be happy to lend providing we do the right thing, and pay for a cleaner afterwards and provide her with a nice gift as a token of appreciation.

The homes are in areas of Sydney that one could only dream of living so it would be an amazingly kind gesture of she is so kind as to allow the wedding.

She offered to pay for the first round of IVF when or if that time comes (although I have a feeling I won't need it).... so I venture to guess that she would be fine with the wedding going ahead at one of her places.

I just get the feeling she is the kind of person who would be more than happy to accommodate my wish to hold my "ceremony" there.
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