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Engaged to a Racist


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Old 14th July 2018, 3:10 AM   #1
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Engaged to a Racist

So I'm a Latino who is romantically involved with a smoking hot racist. I've been dating this woman who first admitted that I was the first non-white guy she's ever been with and to this day is surprised that she ever came across me. According to her I'm the most handsomest man she's ever came across and she just can't get enough of me. She was a single mom when I met her (baby daddy left and later OD), and we've been together now for 5 years and she has two of my kids and her boy looks up to me, respects me, and we're the best of pals. Our love life is just fantastic. In terms of sex, she's all over me and there's not much more I can ask for and I'm super happy and satisfied in that department.

Here's where things take a turn for the worst. Despite her being a loving mom, a supportive partner (soon to be wife), my dream girl in terms of her figure (chick is fit but thicker than a bowl of oatmeal), she watches sports with me and works out with me, she's a freakin' huge racist. This woman makes a lot of nasty remarks when we see African Americans and other Latinos at the store or walking down the street. She's a huge Right Wing Conservative. I was scared to death introducing her to my parents for the first time, but when she found out that they run their own business and my mom has since become legalized citizen, she doesn't treat them bad.

I've told her that some of her comments are embarrassing, bigoted, and sometimes cold spirited and downright mean, we get into a small little argument which then she laughs it off and treats me "cute & naive" in a demeaning way. I don't share those values and believe that the person should be judged on their character not the color of their skin or their financial standings.

Despite bringing this up numerous times, she ain't changing. Our families get along but I just don't like how she was raised to look down on others. I don't know how to change that. Everything else is just awesome. She's super loyal, super supportive and both of us don't have anything to hide in terms of letting the other borrow the phone for a day. The only thing is just the racism. What can I do to fix it? I'm tired that if someone cuts her off when we're driving, or reacts to her stares, she blows up and screams a lot of nasty racist sh*t at them. Any advice would be great. Thanks.
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Old 14th July 2018, 10:01 AM   #2
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Five years down the road and 2 kids later is too late to change her. I am sure you realized she was a racist pretty early when you dated her. It's at that time you had to address it. Other than pointing to her when she is racist you cannot change or control her.
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Old 14th July 2018, 10:08 AM   #3
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Yikes, that's tough! I don't have any advice other than to keep setting a good example, but that would be really tough to deal with, especially where there are children involved. Maybe every time she lashes out ask her how she'd feel if someone spoke to one of her interracial children that way.
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Old 14th July 2018, 10:23 AM   #4
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What kinds of things does she say, exactly?

My advice is to break up. It is 2018, not 1960, and there is no excuse for that kind of mindset. That she blatantly throws it in your face is even worse.

I doubt she'll ever have a movie of the week moment and magically realize she needs to right her ways. She'll just keep on saying awful things and you'll slowly lose respect for her. Who cares if she's has a good body? These is something rotten in her mind. How will you feel when her kids or your kids start to pick up on her toxic behavior?

I have a friend who dated a huge bigot for a while. It was not cute. He never changed, he just slowly alienated her friends, and it took years to mend those relationships after they'd broken up.

Examine your own values and ask yourself why it's okay for you to be with a woman like this.
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Old 14th July 2018, 10:37 AM   #5
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First of all, you gotta write down some of these cringe moments. ... because you have the makings of a cutting edge sitcom.

Before I comment ... and I'm a member of your partner's targeted groups, I would need a little clarification.

Are you a very light Latino? ... And this is not meant as an insult: do you identify as white? Is that how she accepted you, gave you an exemption? Do your children with her visibly look like people of color? Are you raising your children to identify as Latino or part Latino?

These questions matter because if your kids identify as Latino, then her racism is toxic to them. Push aside the ethics, she can NOT be a good mom to Latino-identified children if she is this racist against Latinos.

So clarify.
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Old 14th July 2018, 10:38 AM   #6
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Hi,

You may already know this: most people never change.

If you're with a fully grown women who's still racist in 2018 it will be difficult to make her change her way of seeing things unless you take her on a tour around the world for a few months to let her experience life outside her bubble.

The less costly solution would be to dump her.
It's up to you but i could never continue a relationship with a big racist woman.
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Old 14th July 2018, 10:43 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CautiouslyOptimistic View Post
Yikes, that's tough! I don't have any advice other than to keep setting a good example, but that would be really tough to deal with, especially where there are children involved. Maybe every time she lashes out ask her how she'd feel if someone spoke to one of her interracial children that way.
Biracial is of course what I meant. More coffee, please!
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Old 14th July 2018, 10:54 AM   #8
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That's a difference in core values that is guaranteed to doom your relationship. It's also deeply ingrained into her character and is a very serious flaw. Someday, when the two of you get into an argument, you'll be the object of one of her racist tirades. I promise you that as an absolute certainty. She only tolerates you now because she finds you attractive, but eventually that will fade and you'll just be another member of a race that she hates.

You aren't the first person to be blinded by the physical aspects of the relationship and your perception of love, but it's unhealthy to be with someone who's filled with hate. I'm sorry, but you need to cut your losses and get out of this relationship unless you can somehow get her to commit to some pretty intensive therapy to overcome her unhealthy hate issues. Otherwise, this story doesn't have a happy ending.
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Old 14th July 2018, 12:08 PM   #9
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Keep banging her if she's as hot as you say....Just don't commit....

TFY
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Old 14th July 2018, 5:40 PM   #10
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Agreed. If you thought this woman was a racist and that was a problem for you, the time to deal with the situation was four years, three hundred and sixty four days ago...
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Old 14th July 2018, 7:55 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by thefooloftheyear View Post
....Just don't commit....

TFY
Do you mean other than the two kids he has with her and the third child that sees him as dad?

hurtsogood, at some point her own kids with you will encounter racism and discrimination. It will be interesting to see her reaction...

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Old 14th July 2018, 10:28 PM   #12
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I could never, ever be attracted to someone like this. She sounds like a terrible person. I would leave and never look back.
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Old 15th July 2018, 2:21 AM   #13
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It's probably not in your children's best interest to have her as their mom.

You sound pretty shallow when you talk about her figure and your sex life. What about her heart? No es importante?
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Old 15th July 2018, 3:15 AM   #14
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Originally Posted by thefooloftheyear View Post
Keep banging her if she's as hot as you say....Just don't commit....

TFY
Bit late for that don't you think?

I can't believe you let this slide for 5 years. It's who she is, she is not going to change. This is extreme too, yelling at people in the street?
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Old 15th July 2018, 3:19 AM   #15
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If it`s really an issue for you, (Would be for me)

Then you would have already have left the RS.

But, as you said she`s hot, etc....

But doubtless ugly on the inside and it will doubtless get worse.

It will restrict social activities etc...

But i just saw, it`s been 5 years......

So you obviously put up with it.

Can`t you take her to back to back screenings of Black Panther and the classic `In the heat of the night`

Good luck.
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