fooloflurve Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 Hi all, i am just gonna cut it short, i met my boyfriend around 8-9 months ago, we dated officially around half a year now, we were just talking about if we both would want to get married in the future, i want to get married (or at least that's what's the social norm made me believe), i don't think about having kids (personally i think babies are annoying and noisy). My bf says he would not think about marriage for a long time. He is a career driven man and he has goals for himself. When i first asked, he said he would start thinking about getting married in the future, but now that we are not living in the same city, i ask him again and said he thought it through and it would prefer not to get married in the near future, i don't intend to get married in the next 5 years at least. But here comes the problem, he is Islam, and i don't really want to convert. I'm not sure if he can convert to anything since his family and himself are not religious at all. I do love him and even though we had fights but we normally fix it like mature people do, i asked him what does he think but he said he said he wants to be with me too( for now).but we are not going to be on the same page in the future. ps: i am at my early twenties. I need some advises from people that are older, should i keep dating him or maybe talk to him again and see if we could find a way to fix things? Thanks for reading. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 No. If I were you I'd move it along. He is basically saying he doesn't see a future with you but will date you. He is Islam and will probably marry same. Since you are so young move on to someone who sees you in his future. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 No rush to get married IMO. Religion can be a sticking point in any relationship, especially those which include children now or in the future. However, you stated he's not religious, nor is his family. What does that mean? Example: I was raised Catholic, schooled Catholic (private) and left it behind at 18 and haven't had contact nor involvement in the faith since. I'm pushing sixty now. I still remember all the Catholic 'stuff' but it in no way rules me. How does it go for your boyfriend? As example of compromise, my mother, who was a non-practicing Lutheran, agreed to the Catholic faith dominating the family when she and dad got married. In turn, he never required her to convert or practice the faith, though she would sometimes accompany the family to important church events, and of course when I was baptized, etc. In your relationship it sounds like religion is currently a minor issue, presuming the family isn't in control of who he marries and wants an Islamic wife for him. Are you concerned about him wanting to wait to get married for five years or more? Why? Are you and he on the same page regarding children? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 But here comes the problem, he is Islam, and i don't really want to convert. I'm not sure if he can convert to anything since his family and himself are not religious at all. I do love him and even though we had fights but we normally fix it like mature people do, i asked him what does he think but he said he said he wants to be with me too( for now).but we are not going to be on the same page in the future. Since neither of you seems to be especially pious, I'm not sure why religion would be a stumbling block. You're both young and neither are marriage-bound in the near future, so why not enjoy the relationship as long as it works for both of you? Plenty of time to get serious later... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 There is nothing to fix. You are both young - you should be focused on establishing your careers and not worried about marriage. Enjoy your relationship now, try not to worry about planning the rest of your life because you don't know what the future will bring for you. Life will take you on many twists and turns. It will be a wonderful adventure, if you just relax and enjoy the ride. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 Time isn't the problem. Dating 6 months is way too early to be talking about marriage. The distance & the religion are the problem. The religion will be an issue forever. Because of that if you are not open to converting, I wouldn't waste more time with this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fooloflurve Posted June 22, 2018 Author Share Posted June 22, 2018 Yes you are right, the main concern is that he is a career driven man, and he said he would not think about marriage in the near future. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fooloflurve Posted June 22, 2018 Author Share Posted June 22, 2018 Since neither of you seems to be especially pious, I'm not sure why religion would be a stumbling block. You're both young and neither are marriage-bound in the near future, so why not enjoy the relationship as long as it works for both of you? Plenty of time to get serious later... Mr. Lucky I think i am afraid that if i get to be with longer it will be hard to part, the feelings would be deeper. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fooloflurve Posted June 22, 2018 Author Share Posted June 22, 2018 No rush to get married IMO. Religion can be a sticking point in any relationship, especially those which include children now or in the future. However, you stated he's not religious, nor is his family. What does that mean? Example: I was raised Catholic, schooled Catholic (private) and left it behind at 18 and haven't had contact nor involvement in the faith since. I'm pushing sixty now. I still remember all the Catholic 'stuff' but it in no way rules me. How does it go for your boyfriend? As example of compromise, my mother, who was a non-practicing Lutheran, agreed to the Catholic faith dominating the family when she and dad got married. In turn, he never required her to convert or practice the faith, though she would sometimes accompany the family to important church events, and of course when I was baptized, etc. In your relationship it sounds like religion is currently a minor issue, presuming the family isn't in control of who he marries and wants an Islamic wife for him. Are you concerned about him wanting to wait to get married for five years or more? Why? Are you and he on the same page regarding children? Yes you are right, the main concern is that he is a career driven man, and he said he would not think about marriage in the near future. We haven talked about having kids yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fooloflurve Posted June 22, 2018 Author Share Posted June 22, 2018 There is nothing to fix. You are both young - you should be focused on establishing your careers and not worried about marriage. Enjoy your relationship now, try not to worry about planning the rest of your life because you don't know what the future will bring for you. Life will take you on many twists and turns. It will be a wonderful adventure, if you just relax and enjoy the ride. I think i am afraid that if i get to be with longer it will be hard to part, the feelings would be deeper. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 the main concern is that he is a career driven man, and he said he would not think about marriage in the near future. There is something to be said for waiting until you are more established before undertaking expensive things like marriage & kids. If you are concerned that he's a workaholic, get out now. Once he has the financial pressures of a wife & kids he will work more, not less. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 24, 2018 Share Posted June 24, 2018 Yes you are right, the main concern is that he is a career driven man, and he said he would not think about marriage in the near future. You've said yourself you don't want to think about marriage for at least 5 years. Why the angst now? I think i am afraid that if i get to be with longer it will be hard to part, the feelings would be deeper. Were those feelings returned over time, a good sign you'd have something deeper to build on. Were they not, an indication it was time to move on. You lose out on a lot of good things in life if you only focus on what could go wrong... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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