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Fiancee doesn't know what she wants anymore

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Old 27th January 2018, 11:30 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by todreaminblue View Post
she wants romance....and a bit of mystery ..
As do most people. But I can help but wonder if the OP's fiancee is one of those people whose constant need for validation - and poor boundaries in seeking it - makes her a problematic marriage partner...

Mr. Lucky
"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for." - Epicurus
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Old 27th January 2018, 11:44 PM   #17
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Yada yada yada, yeah sure she wants romance, whatever. Now however valid that is, cheating isn't the way to handle it. As I said before, Marriage is hard, there will be times when a couple simply will not and can not be on the same page. How you handle those times are important. You are two years in and she handled it by turning to another person. So all of the you not meeting her needs stuff is bullstink. Time to move on...when someone shows you who they are it's wise to believe them. Never allow anyone to have you believe your actions control her behavior, maybe contribute, but she still choose to hang out with this other person and abandon you. You're far too young and unburdened to deal with this.
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Old 28th January 2018, 11:58 AM   #18
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You just need to back off. If something is lacking in the relationship ie: romance, surprise, etc you don't go about getting it by behaving the way she is.

What happens the next time you guys hit a speed bump and things get boring, as they tend to do occasionally in long term relationships? Only this time you're married, have kids, a mortgage, retirement, and have been married 10 years. You've been together for 2 years and this is what she does when the honeymoon stage ends???

You don't reward deviant behavior. Not saying she's done anything to be punished for, but no the only thing you can do is back off. I agree with whoever said you need to put the wedding plans on hold period. And let her know.

And no you do not romance her back. That's not going to solve the problem and can make things worse. Especially if she's actively trying to avoid you. No Romance and no Pick Me Dance.

She expects you to sit there with your thumb up your ass while SHE decides whether you're worthy enough of having her back or whether she wants to explore her newfound lesbian feelings and kick you to the curb. Are you just going to do it?? Just sit on it and spin while she decides??

Also are you sure things haven't progressed with this friend??? I'd be concerned especially with your fiance actively avoiding you.

All in all, your fiance doesn't really sound like marriage material.
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Old 28th January 2018, 12:21 PM   #19
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Red flags. Do not proceed.

You do need to put the phone down and not let it control your life.

However, it sounds like she's doing much the same.

Relationships don't work well with a third party in them.

I think this is the biggest problem.
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Old 28th January 2018, 6:19 PM   #20
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Why the rush to get married? She is only 23! Of course she doesn't know what she wants, she is barely into adulthood. I don't think this has anything to do with the other woman so much as she is having doubts (as well she should) based on her lack of life experience. Cancel the engagement and continue dating more casually. If you are still happy and committed to each other 2-3 years from now on, reevaluate.
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Old 30th January 2018, 9:48 AM   #21
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There's plenty other women who would be happy with you and vice versa.

If my fiance had any inclinations towards a gay man...I'd be thanking my lucky stars I found out before marriage.

Leave her.
'Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to'
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Old 28th February 2018, 10:29 PM   #22
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I know it's hurtful but there are just too many red flags here. If it were me, anyone who expressed interest in the same sex (their own gender), that would be a complete 100% dealbreaker for me.

I'm afraid that you are treading on very treacherous ground here. This girl is right -- she's too young to get married and she still needs to discover who she is. That's not going to happen while she's married. Actually, marriage will have the opposite effect on her. She'll feel stifled and restricted. You'll be divorced in two or three years if you guys marry. If I were you, I'd save myself the heartache.
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