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Wedding questions?


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Old 14th December 2017, 8:19 PM   #16
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Congratulations! So excited for you!

I know what common sense and etiquette dictates, but specify somewhere (your wedding website, save the dates, wherever) that children aren't invited. We had our wedding at the top ranked cocktail bar in the entire country---i.e. an extremely swank place with tons of alcohol, glass, that is very obviously not child-friendly---and we still had someone ask about kids!

You can do it politely. Something like "Due to the nature of our venue our event will not be able to accommodate children" or something, and then provide information about local hotel and childcare resources if applicable. The sooner you put the information out there, the sooner people can start planning ahead.
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Old 15th December 2017, 3:47 AM   #17
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What lana-banana said. Don't hope people will get the hint--definitely put it somewhere like the save the date, website, etc. I like the way that poster suggested you phrase it. One of my aunts brought grandkids to a wedding that were not invited--and one was sick with diarrhea. Several people complained to the bride afterward that she had banged into them with her stroller.
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Old 15th December 2017, 12:41 PM   #18
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Thanks so much guys! Will do that.

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Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
Best wishes & happy planning.

When people start "should-ing" you as in you should do this or that, take a deep breath, smile, hear them out, don't say anything & do what you want anyway. Remember to focus on each other through all the stress.
Totally agree with this. We're both actually fairly laid-back about the wedding - I mean, we do want it to be a memorable day for both of us, but we are quite complementary in how we go about planning things in general. He tells me what he would like to have (usually only a few core concepts), and I sort out the details. No fighting about preferences. It's mostly family and colleagues/acquaintances that's the annoying part.

There has been a lot of fun and bonding so far mixed in with the stress of dealing with family though, so hopefully we'll be all good on that front!
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Old 17th December 2017, 1:55 AM   #19
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I tried to change my thread title to "Wedding questions" to prevent needing to create a new thread for every one I had, but can't seem to do so. Could a mod help please?

I have another Q: We might have to have a 3-4 hr gap in between the end of the ceremony and the start of the reception (due to venue restrictions). I read up weddingbee etc and it seems like there are two very steadfast camps of opinions about long gaps, lol. One says that long gaps between the ceremony and reception are normal and perhaps even welcome (so guests can relax and maybe nap between the two events), another says that they're terrible.

Is there a prevailing opinion on this? Or should we just do what we want? We would need to change our ceremony venue to avoid a gap, and we love the venue we have provisionally booked!! On the other hand, we don't want to inconvenience our guests. I think almost all guests who come will have at least one night's accommodation nearby, though (so they can go back and nap if they want to), and there's plenty to do in the area (it's not exactly out in the middle of the woods).

To clarify: This isn't really a "destination wedding" per se. We've just moved around so much (as have most people in our social circles) that our friends/relatives live in about 10 different places, lol. Flying in for weddings is very common in our circles.

Last edited by Elswyth; 17th December 2017 at 2:02 AM..
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Old 17th December 2017, 4:24 AM   #20
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Congrats elswyth...yay....smilin...i dont feel anyone should get offended considering its yours and your so's day...everybody has a right to that day being their day ......it would be rude and thoughtless to get offended honestly.....

those who truly love you and really really want to share such a special time with you both....will want you to have your day exactly as you wish it to be.....good luck...and best wishes....for a lovely perfect day..deb...
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Old 17th December 2017, 9:33 PM   #21
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I think having a 4-hour gap makes it more likely that people will just turn up for the reception and skip the service. For the women especially, they won't want to have to deal with fixing hair and makeup after a nap (also, not everyone wants to nap) and having to spend 4 hours waiting to go to a party (which is what it is for most attendees) can be perceived as an inconvenience.

Can you have the service closer? Or even at the reception venue?

And big congratulations!
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Old 18th December 2017, 2:17 AM   #22
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I'm very much on Team Do What You Want (This Is Genuinely About You) but a four-hour gap between events will almost certainly lead to people skipping the ceremony as Introverted said. Is there anything you could arrange for guests in the meantime, like a wine tasting or luncheon or something? Or can you find a reception venue that is closer?

One of the first things we did was make a list of everything we REALLY cared about. Everything that didn't fall on that list was something we were willing to compromise or alter as needed and we didn't spend any more money than we absolutely had to. If your ceremony venue is very important to you but your reception venue isn't, it may be worth trying to find another place for the reception.

I have friends who made their marriage into a weekend. They had a bar crawl with friends on Thursday, a family-only ceremony Friday, a large reception Saturday and a brunch on Sunday. Because the ceremony was only for immediate family, they arranged for limos to take other out-of-town guests to various breweries, wineries and museums around the area on Friday. It worked well because everyone only RSVP'd to the events they wanted/were able to attend and there was no pressure about missing the "main event". Unconventional arrangements can work!
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Old 18th December 2017, 4:26 AM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lana-banana View Post
I'm very much on Team Do What You Want (This Is Genuinely About You) but a four-hour gap between events will almost certainly lead to people skipping the ceremony as Introverted said. Is there anything you could arrange for guests in the meantime, like a wine tasting or luncheon or something? Or can you find a reception venue that is closer?

One of the first things we did was make a list of everything we REALLY cared about. Everything that didn't fall on that list was something we were willing to compromise or alter as needed and we didn't spend any more money than we absolutely had to. If your ceremony venue is very important to you but your reception venue isn't, it may be worth trying to find another place for the reception.
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I think having a 4-hour gap makes it more likely that people will just turn up for the reception and skip the service. For the women especially, they won't want to have to deal with fixing hair and makeup after a nap (also, not everyone wants to nap) and having to spend 4 hours waiting to go to a party (which is what it is for most attendees) can be perceived as an inconvenience.

Can you have the service closer? Or even at the reception venue?

And big congratulations!
Thanks so much for the input! Unfortunately the only slot the ceremony venue can offer to those of us who aren't having our reception there is during the early afternoon. We are open to changing the reception venue, however it is extremely difficult to have a reception at 3pm. Given that so many people would have to fly in to attend, we feel that we should provide them with a nice dinner and afterparty at least, not just canapes/cocktails.

The SO and I both really do not like the pricing and look of the reception package at our ceremony venue. So the only way to prevent a gap is to change our ceremony venue. But I reaaaaaaalllyyyyy like the ceremony venue. Aside from that, I guess I personally would also like to take the time to rest in between the two (the SO and I are big on afternoon naps whenever we can manage, even when we are traveling, lol). But not being able to wouldn't be a dealbreaker for me.

We are okay if anyone wants to skip the ceremony (though I suspect anyone who is willing to fly in would be willing to attend). We could definitely arrange for activities for those who are interested in between the ceremony and reception also, thanks for that suggestion! Wine-tasting tours might be a bit expensive for many people (the usual costs at our location are ~$100/pp), but we could look for more affordable activities.

Quote:
Originally Posted by todreaminblue View Post
Congrats elswyth...yay....smilin...i dont feel anyone should get offended considering its yours and your so's day...everybody has a right to that day being their day ......it would be rude and thoughtless to get offended honestly.....

those who truly love you and really really want to share such a special time with you both....will want you to have your day exactly as you wish it to be.....good luck...and best wishes....for a lovely perfect day..deb...
Thanks Deb!

Last edited by Elswyth; 18th December 2017 at 4:31 AM..
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Old 18th December 2017, 4:34 AM   #24
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Congrats, Elswyth! Happy for you.

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I have another Q: We might have to have a 3-4 hr gap in between the end of the ceremony and the start of the reception (due to venue restrictions).
Alright, so, a ceremony is at least an hour, right? Then a reception is at least, what, three hours? So with a 3-4 hour gap in between, that would be asking your guests to devote at least 7-8 hours of one day to your wedding. And that doesn't include travel time, or time spent getting ready.

I, personally, as a guest would feel sort of annoyed by that a gap. That 3-4 hours would mostly be spent waiting in my uncomfortable fancy clothes. I mean, sure, I'd take a nap during that time, or possibly I could spend 2.5 hours at a museum or something, but please still understand that I would simply be killing time during that gap. It's really not enough time to do anything meaningful.

Plus, if you're asking that children not attend, that is even more time/money spent on babysitters that your guest had to hire in order to attend your wedding.

Ultimately, you do what you want. If you must have this gap in order to use your dream location, maybe you can figure out something really great to do during those hours so people aren't just sitting around waiting and killing time. Is there anywhere on the grounds where you can have hors d'oeuvres and wine and photos of everyone (not just the wedding party) during that gap? Shuttle all your guests to a bingo hall and play some games, or something? I'd say the best way to maneuver the gap would be to do something fun or worthwhile to keep your guests entertained.

Best of luck!
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Old 18th December 2017, 4:53 AM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CC12 View Post
Congrats, Elswyth! Happy for you.



Alright, so, a ceremony is at least an hour, right? Then a reception is at least, what, three hours? So with a 3-4 hour gap in between, that would be asking your guests to devote at least 7-8 hours of one day to your wedding. And that doesn't include travel time, or time spent getting ready.

I, personally, as a guest would feel sort of annoyed by that a gap. That 3-4 hours would mostly be spent waiting in my uncomfortable fancy clothes. I mean, sure, I'd take a nap during that time, or possibly I could spend 2.5 hours at a museum or something, but please still understand that I would simply be killing time during that gap. It's really not enough time to do anything meaningful.

Plus, if you're asking that children not attend, that is even more time/money spent on babysitters that your guest had to hire in order to attend your wedding.

Ultimately, you do what you want. If you must have this gap in order to use your dream location, maybe you can figure out something really great to do during those hours so people aren't just sitting around waiting and killing time. Is there anywhere on the grounds where you can have hors d'oeuvres and wine and photos of everyone (not just the wedding party) during that gap? Shuttle all your guests to a bingo hall and play some games, or something? I'd say the best way to maneuver the gap would be to do something fun or worthwhile to keep your guests entertained.

Best of luck!
Thanks!

It's really interesting to hear opinions from you guys, because in our culture gaps between the ceremony and reception (which is always a dinner) are very standard. However, the guests we are inviting wouldn't all be from our culture, so it's certainly helpful to know what the expectations are in Caucasian cultures.

Should we include an option in the RSVP form for people to indicate whether they are interested in the in-between activities or not? And if so, how do we indicate that this is 100% optional and that the bride and groom won't be there? (I mean, of course everything is "optional" technically speaking, but... you get what I mean, right? ) Personally I would be in a bit of a quandary if I just received an invitation to afternoon activities without knowing if it was an expectation or not.
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Old 18th December 2017, 4:57 AM   #26
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Another thing to keep in mind w/r/t the "gap" is that you'll probably have to pay for the photographer's extra time, and if you plan to do hair and makeup for the ceremony, you would have to remove it all, take a nap, then do it again before the reception. If you are having hair and makeup done professionally it will take at least 90 minutes to be assembled.

I have to admit as a guest I would be put off if I had nothing to do or was expected to entertain myself in the interval. I love exploring new cities and places, but just going back to my hotel and changing into something comfortable would be at least 20 minutes, getting dressed and ready again to go later is at least 30, plus another 20 or so to get to the other venue...that leaves you with about enough time to go to a movie or a museum, maybe. And I say this as an adventurous person. People trying to handle childcare or older (65+) guests will be more likely to complain.

If people are booking hotel rooms anyway and it's a fun, glamorous or exciting location, you may as well put a full day in between the ceremony and reception. That way your guests know to pack multiple outfits, nobody is rushed, folks can explore on their own with plenty of time, etc. As it is the 90 or so effective minutes people have to kill between events isn't really long enough for much.

I like the above poster's idea of an effective second reception. Host an open bar or lunch buffet somewhere. Maybe afternoon tea?

Last edited by lana-banana; 18th December 2017 at 5:00 AM..
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Old 18th December 2017, 5:06 AM   #27
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If people are booking hotel rooms anyway and it's a fun, glamorous or exciting location, you may as well put a full day in between the ceremony and reception. That way your guests know to pack multiple outfits, nobody is rushed, folks can explore on their own with plenty of time, etc.
This is a great idea! Personally I love it, but will talk to the SO about it. There might be the additional consideration of travel time in that scenario though - we initially planned both ceremony and reception for Saturday so that guests can fly in after work on Friday, and fly out on Sunday (which is what we did for our friends' wedding). If we did a lunctime reception on Sunday, that might limit their return flight options by quite a bit since it would be 3pm+ when we are done?
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Old 18th December 2017, 5:24 AM   #28
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Hmm, you are right about the return flights. It's ultimately your decision, and depends on several factors:

- how many guests you have (more guests almost always means less flexibility)
- of those, how many are from your culture and would expect a gap of several hours
- how many are flying in
- average ticket prices (Sunday flights are usually limited but also cheaper)

Remember, don't compromise on what matters most. But try to walk through it from a guest's perspective as well as a bride's and see what kind of logistical issues you'll face either way. The best answer will be the one that allows you to host as many of your nearest and dearest as you desire!
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Old 18th December 2017, 5:40 AM   #29
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Originally Posted by lana-banana View Post
Hmm, you are right about the return flights. It's ultimately your decision, and depends on several factors:

- how many guests you have (more guests almost always means less flexibility)
- of those, how many are from your culture and would expect a gap of several hours
- how many are flying in
- average ticket prices (Sunday flights are usually limited but also cheaper)

Remember, don't compromise on what matters most. But try to walk through it from a guest's perspective as well as a bride's and see what kind of logistical issues you'll face either way. The best answer will be the one that allows you to host as many of your nearest and dearest as you desire!
I agree! Thanks so much, lana. This has been incredibly helpful.

(I also had no idea that makeup + hair takes 90+ minutes! Is that really the minimum?? Yikes... )

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Old 18th December 2017, 5:55 AM   #30
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As an additional thought, what if we had the ceremony earlier and the reception a bit later, so guests have 5+ hours in between? Would that be better for them than a 3-4 hr gap?
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