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My [fiance] doesnít give me spending money

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Old 13th December 2017, 10:13 PM   #31
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Originally Posted by ivette5 View Post
Y I have asked to see his credit card statements and earnings and expense records and he has agreed to do so
You also need to see banking statements & you need an ATM card or credit card.

When you get the financial info, sit down with him & make a budget together.

Do find some way to earn income
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Old 13th December 2017, 10:28 PM   #32
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Originally Posted by ivette5 View Post
It is not that i do not want to work at all. The reason is i dont have babysitting options as i only trust my family or his family to take care of our child at so you g an age. I am afraid of all those daycare stories where children are abuses etc. Its scary. This js why i originally told him that if i moved where he chose i wouldnt be working as we no one to take care of our son. He had the option to stat whereni am originally from and work here too but he wanted a different place. Yes i am willing to work from home and take care of another child but people usually want someone with experience and cpr certification. I have none, i have no relatives and i can say that no friends. He has not asked me to work and i have offered to do so but he says it is helpful not necessary, so i am can say that we have cleared that out. My only problem now was he not sharing his financial information which he has now agreed to do so. Then i can see if he is spending on unecessary things which is affecting our household or if he needs help and i have to find work no matter what.
Do you trust him to watch the baby at night and on his days off from work? If not, then you and the baby should not be staying with him. There are all kinds of flexible part time jobs that you could get for a few nights a week so that you can also financially contribute to the household and providing for your child. You do not have to put your child in daycare, the baby's father can watch him on the nights that you work.

He can show you his pay stubs, tax returns and bills but how do you plan to get him to give you spending money?
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Old 14th December 2017, 1:50 AM   #33
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Originally Posted by nittygritty View Post
He can show you his pay stubs, tax returns and bills but how do you plan to get him to give you spending money?

Did you ask him for spending money for yourself and the baby, or ask if you could stop buying groceries or get help with your phone bill?

Seeing how much money he makes and how he spends it is okay for a first step I guess, but it doesn't really solve your problem. Did he even agree to involve you in financial decisions, or is he just going to show you his paperwork once and then expect you to drop it?
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Old 14th December 2017, 2:43 AM   #34
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Do you plan to marry him? While discussing his earned income it's useful to find out if he plans to marry you.
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Old 1st January 2018, 5:07 PM   #35
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There are a number of issues to unpack here if the two of you want to have a successful relationship. First and foremost, you need to work and contribute.
I get the child care thing, but there are lots of ways to work around that. But, you have to make a financial commitment and contribution to the relationship. And lots of moms work... every day. Given your particular parameters - no daycare - the two of you are going to be doing double duty, both working and taking care of the baby by yourselves. Yes, itís going to be work and itís exhausting. Thatís why young people have the babies.

Second, when you are both contributing, you need to come up with a family budget. One that covers food, housing, transportation, savings, fun money, etc. That means negotiating with each other over money and thatís always a difficult topic.

Third, you have to prove to each other that you can respect the budget and each other (see items 1 and 2). Finally, you have to figure out if you are really in this together or not. If you are, decide if you are getting married. But right now, you are both wrong and harming your relationship. By you not working and thus not contributing, you are taking advantage of him. By him not sharing his resources with you, he is taking advantage of you. Your little boy is caught in the middle. You both need to make some serious, adult decisions because you are parents.
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Old 1st January 2018, 9:34 PM   #36
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You either need to go back to work or you need to file for child support from him and hope it's more than he's already paying.
And you need to consider why you are thinking about marrying this guy who is going to argue about money until death do you part. He's probably mad you got pregnant and being passive-aggressive. I'd talk to the state and see what would be expected if you filed for child support if you are in the US.
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
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Old 9th January 2018, 9:24 PM   #37
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I think that you have received enough great advice, Ivette... The only thing that I wanted to add was.. sometimes you can find a job that you can bring your baby to, with you to work. I work in a real estate office as an assistant to another agent who has lots of assistants, one of the assistants just had a baby and she sometimes brings her baby to work with her. You can also apply to work in a daycare, and negotiate your pay a little bit to maybe be able to bring your baby with you to work too. Also, there are some work from home opportunities out there too, if you are good on the computer and/or social networking.

But you shouldn't have to work. You are a family right now, and he's not just a boyfriend.. he is your fiancee. You have moved out of state to be together, and he should understand that you can't be in two places at once. Nevertheless, what's yours (should be) his, and what's his, is yours. You need to have a talk with him about this and find out how you are going to make it work to be together.. Because right now it's not working. <-- That's what I would say to him, specifically. Good luck to you.
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Old 9th January 2018, 9:49 PM   #38
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affordable housing for you is on the right track because you will need to downgrade if he decides to split...have you guys set a date to marry?...i was engaged for seven years......a stay at home mum, my ex didnt want me to work.....we struggled with five kids.....i depended on him financially.....he handled finances gave me money for the bills....groceries......and when he decided to leave me i was in a mess in every way.....he stopped supporting my kidsw and I ...we lost our gas ...electricity was for my kids my best friend helped me through... before he left this happened.....the bills didnt get was scarce......depending on a man to provide who is already secretive is a mistake

my advice bring everything out into the open ...what you desire and need what would you really like to happen...being engaged doesn't signify that he will support you or the baby.....he has no legal obligation unless its in dont want it to go there where you have to fight it out in court..its not the best to let it end up there....

....sit down with him again share your thoughts and feelings on your future as a family see if they correlate with his thoughts and feelings...when it might be that you actually do marry and become united as a every way

another poster suggested a job where you could take your bub with you...i feel that's a really good idea it would give you some independence and a feeling of bringing your aces to the table............deb
in the ache of night,luminous prayers take fragile flight,
somewhere between battalions of warring sins,
there exists hope and love for peace begins...deb

Last edited by todreaminblue; 9th January 2018 at 9:52 PM..
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Old 17th January 2018, 7:16 PM   #39
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Originally Posted by georgia girl View Post
By you not working and thus not contributing, you are taking advantage of him.
She is too contributing. She is taking care of their child and their home. And he agreed to her not working until their child is 2.
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