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when your parents and future in-laws don't get along?

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Old 19th November 2017, 9:40 PM   #1
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when your parents and future in-laws don't get along?

I met a girl on one of A Foreign Affairís singleís tour. I was very interested the first time I saw her. I had the time of my life while visiting her country. After I left, we continued exchanging messages through e-mail and hit it off. I was already 33 years old when we met, and she was 25, but age difference never mattered.
Just 18 months after my first visit, I decided to see her again, and make her mine forever. Long story short, I proposed, and she said yes. We were happy with the progress of our relationship. We told our families the news, and they were just as excited as we were.
Her family wanted us to marry in their hometown and I chose to give in to their request. This was the first issue weíve had to deal with. My mom got so mad at me for agreeing with them, saying I shouldíve asked them first. She actually wanted us to marry in the same church that she and dad married in. Was I wrong to agree with my fiancťís parents that quick? After making amends, my family supported me and travelled with the third time I visited her.
What I thought would be an exciting time turned sour real quick. The first time our parents met, it was a total disaster. Our mothers kept bickering, but at least our dads didnít give us any problems. My fiancť and I discussed the issue of our parents. We argued a few days before I returned home because of our parentsí incompatibility.I donít want to disappoint her but didnít want to disappoint my parents.
Itís starting to put a strain on our relationship just as we finished working our papers for marriage. I donít know what to do. Should I just ignore our parents? Should we wait until they settle their differences before marrying? I donít want things to go out of hand especially since our wedding day is coming up. Any advice on my situation is very much appreciated.
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Old 20th November 2017, 1:39 AM   #2
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I'd say, if you both come from rather individualist societies, ignoring parents is easier (easier, not easy). If your parents are going to play a major role in your married life, then it will be impossible.

Your marriage is part of your life, not your parents. If you can live with your parents being unhappy about your marriage, go on.
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Old 20th November 2017, 11:05 AM   #3
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Tell your mother to hush. Assure her that you love her but remind her that the bride & her family traditionally get to chose & her failure to be gracious is ruining everything.
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Old 23rd November 2017, 9:54 AM   #4
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Congratulations on finding the girl of your dreams! What an exciting time!! Unfortunately, we can never please everybody. In trying to accomplish the impossible, it can deter and distract us from our own joy. The two of you have found each other, you're in love and you plan to be married. Sit down and make the plans together and then inform and invite the ones you wish to attend. If both sets of parents are having trouble understanding your decisions, have an honest conversation with them and keep moving ahead. This is your special day!! I wish you both great happiness, prosperity, good health and peace as you make your way to oneness.
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Old 23rd November 2017, 10:29 AM   #5
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bickering? let them, you can not change them, they could have been pleasanter, maybe they will mellow over a new baby - most women can not resist them, just watch us peep (surreptitiously) at any strangers' babies and toddlers when you are out, men may well be as adoring, idk

you are about to enter a new phase, further into adulthood, you are marrying, your loyalty now belongs to your wife-to-be

Last edited by darkmoon; 23rd November 2017 at 10:37 AM..
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Old 2nd December 2017, 7:31 AM   #6
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YOU are marrying a girl you have only met 3 times, the last time with your parents in tow?
Is that really sensible?
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Old 2nd December 2017, 7:45 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by elaine567 View Post
YOU are marrying a girl you have only met 3 times, the last time with your parents in tow?
Is that really sensible?

He sounds as if he's from a non Western culture. Different cultures, different traditions around marriage.
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