Community Forums

Reload this Page Community Forums > Transitioning > Getting Married

Will he ever propose...

Getting Married Cold feet to pre-marital stressors--the place to discuss all the issues that come with saying "I do."

Like Tree46Likes
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 4th January 2017, 5:08 PM   #61
Established Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 10,382
I don't think him referring to you as his fiance is relevant, unfortunately. Sure, it sounds nice - but you aren't his fiance. He has not asked you to marry him. It's a word that carries significance, but not if there was zero engagement. So, I would not necessarily put any weight on that particular reference.

I think you are contradicting yourself all over the place though. You either believe money is the reason he hasn't proposed, or you don't. You seem to be waffling on what you believe the real reason is, which I get. It's confusing and hurtful when our partners seem to be holding back, and we don't know what to think. We want to believe it's for X reason, but we have doubts. I did that dance with an ex for almost 8 years.

I think you two would be wise to see your therapist about this, together. It's great you've gone together before, and now would be a good time to talk openly about both of your reasons for wanting and avoiding engagement at this time. We can speculate all day why he's waiting, but you're kind of going in circles trying to figure it out. Why not invite him to have a discussion at your next appointment about this specific issue, so you can put your mind at ease by at least getting some answers and perspective from a third party?

You asked if anyone else has married after several years together. And sure, plenty have. Just because it hasn't happened yet doesn't mean it never will. But there are also plenty of folks who are speaking from the other side of the coin, whose exes just didn't want to marry them even after spending years together. You're not wrong to be concerned.
ExpatInItaly is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th January 2017, 2:33 PM   #62
Established Member
heavenonearth's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 889
Originally Posted by dreamingoftigers View Post
Of course your bf is a great guy, or else you wouldn't want to marry him, right?
I don't even think he's trying to be an arse or anything.
He just sounds like a lot of guys for whom THE WEDDING isn't a priority.
He sounds like he loves you, he's committed and he's about family.
But he just doesn't sound very "take charge" and "here's what I have to do" about all of it.

I think if you point-blank said, "look, man, this is getting to the point where it's actually insulting and I'm not sure how much you actually want to be with ME, are you on board?" He's probably snap up a bit.

I just think that if she keeps pressing him 'babe, please please, ask me to marry you', the more unlikely it is that he will.
what man/woman likes to be told how to surprise their significant other?
it ruins everything.
these things happen best when they are least expected.

here's my idea:
if you want to marry him so badly, Rubysmom, why don't YOU propose to HIM?
It's 2017. You are your own person, your own woman, yes?
You want to be married to him.

Get a babysitter for the kids.
Go out for a romantic dinner.
After dinner, take a walk somewhere romantic.
Then propose to him.
Don't ask him to ask you to marry him,
You don't need a ring, because, eff it, it's 2017.
You want him? Get him.

That's what I would do. Thankfully, I don't base the depth of my relationship on marriage. But if you do, you should take matter into your own hands.
This is really the best way to get over your insecurities regarding your romantic future, and to get a straight up answer.
heavenonearth is offline   Reply With Quote


Thread Tools
Display Modes


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
What makes a man propose/Is it ok for women to propose? RiverRunning Getting Married 18 9th June 2012 12:30 PM
Should I propose? Green84 Marriage & Life Partnerships 5 28th March 2007 11:50 PM
Is He Ever Going to Propose??? Guest Dating 2 7th January 2007 4:39 AM

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 1:30 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.

Copyright © 1997-2018 All Rights Reserved.