Community Forums

Reload this Page Community Forums > Transitioning > Getting Married

Is it worth getting married or just live together?

Getting Married Cold feet to pre-marital stressors--the place to discuss all the issues that come with saying "I do."

Like Tree29Likes
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 6th October 2016, 6:46 AM   #16
Established Member
Gaeta's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 15,412
Originally Posted by MidKnightDreams View Post
She says she's not interested in his money, but spends the whole post talking about his money.
You need to know her culture to understand her thought process. Love, marriage, and success isn't measured with the same values as in our western society. It's not bad, it's just different.
'' The Biggest Coward Is A Man Who Awakens A Woman's Love With No Intention Of Loving Her '' - Bob Marley
Gaeta is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th October 2016, 9:38 AM   #17
Established Member
Gaeta's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 15,412
Originally Posted by Lily blue View Post
Geate, thank you.
That sounds pretty scary....
Actually, last night, he wanted to talk about our future and buying a house and getting married ......
I told him about my kids and how I felt and his mom thought was good idea of us have prenup and stuff and he got really up sad about his mom being in our personal life....he say he will never have prenup or anything because he wants to marry me because he loves me.
Not his mother nor his kids or mine can change anything and if they have a problem, I do not want to talk to them.
He say now, it's our turn to be happy.

He say he will meet my kids and make an effort to get to know them and once we buy house and settle here, he wants to fly my kids to stay visit and he likes to make a plan for us get married.

He want me to stay home and take care of the home and not work and just be supportive of him and involve with his job because, once we get house, he will have to invite his employees for parties and some executives meetings will be done at our home often and I have to attend a lot of events with him and stuff....

And he say, he want to make sure if something happens to him, I be taken care of.
He say, he will put only him and my name on the all the houses he owns and his life insurance and his social security and everything in the house will be mine and his kids will get his other retirements and stocks.

He say he wants to take care of me always and he wants me to be happy and be happy together and that I m the best thing that ever has happen in his life and he is content and happy now and he only have eyes for me and I got his whole heart for the rest of his life.....

We had a good talk and even thought he has COPD perfectionist and clean freak I call it but I found the truly wonderful man.
I think it will all going to be ok.
Thanks Guys and Gals.
Lily: You fail to understand that a pre-nup is as much to protect you as it is to protect him and his children.

In a pre-nup he can determine how you will be taken care of in case of a divorce. A pre-nup would protect you as it is legally binding and it's also done when the relationship does well.

No marriage, no pre-nup, and only promises to put your name on some houses = nothing.

He can put your name all he wants on any house, it's still not a protection. I work in finance. Right now I am working on a building worth millions of dollars. There is 1 name on the deed. You'd think it means that one name on the deed owns fully the building? well no. The court decided the name on the deed did not pay participate to 51% or + in purchasing the building there for is NOT the owner!
Gaeta is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th October 2016, 9:08 AM   #18
Established Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 71
What about health insurance coverage -- do you have your own or does he have access to domestic partner (non-spouse) coverage? How about access to information (including standing in medical issues cited above). If something happens to him, would his attorney, banker, etc., even talk to a non-spouse?

Other legal and financial protections: You moved to another state for him -- if you were/are earning money, didn't you give up a job for that move? What if (heaven forbid) he gets hit by a bus or has a terminal illness? As a spouse, you have a right to at least some of his estate regardless of what his will says (called various things like dower rights, spousal election, etc.). Not for "gold-digging" purposes but for simple financial protection.

These things may sound cold and calculating -- legal and financial issues and not "love" issues. But love includes protection of one's partner. Especially when one's partner moves to another location, as you are doing.

However, if you really don't want to get married, you need to tell him.
TennisGal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th October 2016, 7:19 PM   #19
Established Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Earth
Posts: 2,039
I don't understand why you're playing a motherly role to your boyfriend's children when he doesn't care about yours. Of course you wouldn't want to marry a man like this.

It's okay to want a financially stable man but please own this desire rather than repeatedly mentioning your boyfriend's money and pretending that you don't care about it.
BettyDraper is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th October 2016, 4:19 PM   #20
Popsicle's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 8,663
Originally Posted by Lily blue View Post
My kids never met him yet...and that is only thing bothers me and he shows no effort to see my kids nor like to talk about it.
Sounds like he just wants a little pet to keep him company and to go along with whatever he feels like.
I had the above problem too (among others) with my last BF. Except he wasn't rich.
I broke it off with him after 6 months because I got tired of whatever you want to call it what we were doing.

I want true love now.
Popsicle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th October 2016, 4:36 PM   #21
Established Member
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 14,821
OP, if everything is as wonderful as you describe what do you want from LS?
stillafool is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th October 2016, 10:44 PM   #22
Established Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 221
Who the person spends money on is who the person loves.

And when the person does not love you anymore, the person will leave you homeless and not care about it.

Last edited by benpom; 9th October 2016 at 10:55 PM..
benpom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th October 2016, 3:43 AM   #23
Established Member
Miss Clavel's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 848
Originally Posted by Lily blue View Post

Anyway, i don't want anything from him but at the same time is it worth getting married?
I don't have benefits from getting married...and he have no benefits getting married either...
So I am thinking not getting married.....what's the point?
I don't even want the house either.

I am happy just way it is and I will in the same boat as now or later so....I don't see why we should get married.......
Do you?
except your "boat" will be older. possibly leaky.

you will get his social security benefits when the time comes. remember, when the time comes you will be much older than you are now and quite possibly will need that monthly income towards what ever "house" you live in. at a minimum you will need 3,000 a month just to live, for rent, car insurance, cable, medicare, medicine, food etc.

there is a strong possibility, like millions and millions of people on the planet you will not be in the same shape you are now when you hit retirement.

do yourself a favor and think about the future when you are "getting up there" at 62,65 or 70 and just prepare, whether he helps you or not.

if your name is on the house the children cannot have you removed from it.
take aim. reload.
Miss Clavel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th October 2016, 5:36 PM   #24
Established Member
pteromom's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: West coast
Posts: 6,123
Originally Posted by Lily blue View Post
He make it very clear that either we get married or not, my kids will not be included in his plans nor in our plans and he will not help them in anyway financially or emotionally.

Only his kids. I get that and it's fine.
Everything he owns will go to his kids. I get that and it's fine.

So why get married? No benefits getting married for him nor me...
And if my kids treated like ice.....I don't want to get married and have my kids have a step dad who won't treat them like they are kids don't expect anything either but wanted to feel welcome.
Ew. I was all ready to tell you to have a long engagement and plan on getting married until I read this. It's not about the MONEY - it's about family. Your children should become his family. His should become yours. Him not wanting that would be a huge turnoff to me and I would be out.
Life is full of pain and horrors. And it is also full of beauty and joy. It is up to you what you wish this day to be for you... horrible or beautiful. Your thoughts and feelings in this moment will define this day for you.
pteromom is offline   Reply With Quote


Thread Tools
Display Modes


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Is it even worth getting married if he's only gonna be doing it for me? Nabely General Relationship Discussion 12 10th May 2016 3:54 AM
Is it even worth getting married anymore? NJ123 General Relationship Discussion 44 21st November 2014 9:05 PM
How much is a live-in housekeeper worth per annum? al-Sadiqah Marriage & Life Partnerships 20 16th July 2013 9:18 AM
Is getting married worth it? Sugarkane Marriage & Life Partnerships 17 21st January 2013 6:12 AM

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 12:35 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.

Copyright © 1997-2018 All Rights Reserved.