I don't even know if I should be marrying him

[dalhlili]

I have been with my significant other for 4 years, engaged for 2. I love him.

However we recently got into an argument. When we were talking to each other, he started walking out on to the street to get hit by a car. He later mentioned that there has been other days when he wanted to drive fasst and hit a wall when I was away on vacation, he said he wanted to do that because we hadnot seen each other for about a week. Now, he says that if I want to see him, that I should visit him on his deathbed at home.

 

Im worried. This emotional lashing out(?) is not healthy. I'm studying psychology to be a counselor, and knowing him, i know that he is not depressed or suicidal. These statements only came about when we are upset with each other. Im starting to think that him saying these scary statements is a way to maybe manipulate me? But i dont know why he would do that if I have already forgave him. I also dont know how to react when he says these things.

 

Now that I've actually started noticing this, I don't even know if I should be marrying him. His father is a controlling husband, and im scared that this is the first sign of my boyfriends version of controlling.

 

What should I do?

Edited August 7, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Downtown]

I'm starting to think that him saying these scary statements is a way to maybe manipulate me?

Dalhlili, welcome to the LoveShack forum. As a psychology student, you already know that you can increase your understanding of your BF's behavior a hundred fold by looking at his total pattern of behavioral symptoms -- instead of looking only at a single behavioral symptom (i.e., his bizarre threats of self harm). Given that you've been dating for four years and engaged for two years, you have to be aware of other behavioral traits he has been exhibiting. Please tell us what they are. That way, we likely can give you more useful responses.

[Mr. Lucky]

I'm studying psychology to be a counselor, and knowing him, i know that he is not depressed or suicidal.

 

Seems odd to me, both knowing him and having a background in psychology, you'd ask strangers on the internet for advice. Why do you doubt the truth you already know ???

 

He seems manipulative and needy, not the best candidate for marriage...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Moondaisy]

Dalhlili, welcome to the LoveShack forum. As a psychology student, you already know that you can increase your understanding of your BF's behavior a hundred fold by looking at his total pattern of behavioral symptoms -- instead of looking only at a single behavioral symptom (i.e., his bizarre threats of self harm). Given that you've been dating for four years and engaged for two years, you have to be aware of other behavioral traits he has been exhibiting. Please tell us what they are. That way, we likely can give you more useful responses.

 

Agreed.

We need more information about your bf's other behavioral traits to be able to make healthy assumptions.

[JewelD]

Threatening to kill himself if he doesn't see you is abnormal and frightening. How can you say for sure he's not suicidal or depressed? There's something serious going on there that should probably be addressed by a professional.

 

You've been engaged two years, have you been waiting for financial reasons or have you been spending some of this time contemplating if you actually want to go through with it?

 

You're hesitating, so maybe don't go through with it until the issue has been addressed and resolved. How you go about doing that is another issue in and of itself. You can't force him to see a professional, but you also probably can't solve this on your own.

[digdoug]

you should marry the one you can't live without, not the one you think you can live with.

[SaveYourHeart]

My advice is to follow your gut. If your gut tells you to run, run.

[Satu]

He needs a psychiatric assessment.

 

The first step is a visit to his doctor.

 

Forget marriage until you know what you're dealing with.

 

 

Take care.

[LadyOfHope]

Perhaps look up

-Codependency relationship

-Narcissistic relationships

 

I personally have been in two relationships where the fella I was dating for at least 1 Year would attempt to control me in bizarre scenarios. Mind you, boundaries play a healthy role. Personally, I would look to see if the following behaviours of the two topics above fit his profile.