maggie35 Posted January 15, 2005 Share Posted January 15, 2005 Need some advice....Have I done the wrong thing? I have been with my BF for over 7 years and I just ended things with him, because we have had many talks about marriage and he is not sure if he is ready yet, he wants to move in with me and see if it works out. I was hesitant to move in with him because from what people tell me...When a guy gets to comfortable will never propose marriage. I am 33 years old and he is 35....He said he misses me and wants me to come back, should I go back or let him be alone for a while and see if he really loves me? I feel like I made a wrong move, I love him deeply and we get along amazingly....We are best friends and never fight... But now I am wondering if I screwed up our relationship. Any advice on this..... Link to post Share on other sites
niko1999 Posted January 15, 2005 Share Posted January 15, 2005 I think you just answered your own question. You feel youre better with him than without. The thing you have to ask yourself is, can you live without marriage? IT may not necessarily be you, he may just never want to get married. He may have seen his parents and freinds relationships get destroyed after marriage. FOr some reason, that piece of paper seems to chage a LOT of things. And, dont know if this is consoling ot you or not, depending on where you are, or maybe you have to live together for a certain amount of years to be common law marriage. Ask him why he feels he isnt ready. He may have a good reason. Trust me, I understand where youre coming from , as I would love nothing more than a proposel. And sometimes I would just love to tell him to, well, ya know. I guess what I am trying to say is, do you feel it should be thrown away after seven years becuase he hasnt proposed? No reason why you shouldnt let him live iwth you. SOme people live happier without marriage, and thier relationship works better without marraige. So ask yourself if you think you canlive without marriage, and if you feel you should ge married just becuase you have been together for so long, if it is something you HAE to do. Link to post Share on other sites
butterfly029 Posted January 21, 2005 Share Posted January 21, 2005 I am really sorry if I am about to get short with you about this. I know people have right not to get married or not want to get married but I am getting so frustrated with men who don't want to marry someone they claim they love after being together for quite a while. They just don't understand how we feel. I am not going to tell you to DO that, but I would just drift apart from my boyfriend and start dating other people. Come on, 7 years and he is 35! To me it just sounds like he has commitment issues and you deserve much better than that. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years almost and still it anoys me that he doesn't want to talk about marriage. Not so much the fact that he won't propose NOW as much as the feeling I get that he just doesn't want to even think about it. Who knows maybe he doesn't think I am the right person. And I do love him very much and I am in love with him, just not sure if he is in love with me. I don't know if I can give you a good advice on this but I would just start separating myself from him and keep my eyes open. They say that sometimes when a man feels like he is about to lose you for real, that makes him wake up and go for it. Link to post Share on other sites
michelangelo Posted January 21, 2005 Share Posted January 21, 2005 As hard as it is, don't waaste anymore time with this guy. Seven years is long enough for anyone in their mid-30s to know if they want to marry and start a family, etc. As much as you feel like you love him, if marriage is importnat to you, the cold facts are he is not the marrying kind. He'll string you along so long that you won't get to have that "married experience." However, if you don't care about that and just want to play house, he's your guy. No real commitments. BUT watch out if you get preggers. He'll be long gone and you'll regret it. (so many typos) Link to post Share on other sites
katie79 Posted January 21, 2005 Share Posted January 21, 2005 ...you are probably feeling a little lonely and rejected now. Which is normal for all ppl after a break up, especially for that long. Allow yourself some time to grieve. You spent a good portion of your mid-late 20's and early 30's with this man. That's the best time of your life really. You did the right thing...trust me. He isn't ready after 7 years?? Not ready=I don't want to marry you. Seven Year Relationship= I will string you along until I meet a woman who I truly fall in love with and do want to marry. I am "comfortable" at the momment. Although feelings of regret and saddness are normal now, try pulling yourself through the clouds with some good realizations, such as you left a man who you wasted seven years with...good years too! (these are the most important and productive years of you life as far as career, love, building a family, etc goes). Also, keep in mind, if he really was in love, he wouldn't have been dumb enough to let a wonderful woman like you get frustrated and leave. He would have proposed 6 years ago if so. Look on the better side; now you have learned something and you are avaliable to meet a new man who can suit you much better. You deserve it! Link to post Share on other sites
rtobiejr Posted January 21, 2005 Share Posted January 21, 2005 I believe you did the right thing, dear. He would have continued to string you along indefinitely, and if you think being 30-something and waiting to be married is frustrating and depressing, try being 40 or 50 with a man who won't ask to marry you. Just ask Alice, the maid on the Brady Bunch how miserable that is! You are still young, and it sounds as though you are a wonderful person. Get out there, enjoy yourself, and meet some new people, and you are bound to find a man who loves and values you enough to marry you. I'll look for your next post on the "Getting Married" thread . Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts