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Don't do it!


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Take it from someone who's been through the mill and spat out the other side.

 

I was with the same woman for 32 years which ended up in divorce and I can unequivocally say to everyone out there that it's not worth selling off your soul and your freedom for.

 

Marriage enslaves you to the point where you give up your friends and social life (in most cases due to jealousy issues) and you end up tied to that person for friendship, sex and companionship. Then after enough time passes and children, financial, and incompatibility issues tear down the walls of attraction you once had and you turn on each other, in the end you'll be left as a stripped down, co-dependent soul who's lost all confidence, self esteem and social skills necessary to regain that independence and self reliance. What's more is you won't have any friends to turn to in your time of need.

 

In summation, being single builds character and inner strength that you can succeed in this world without anyone. Marriage does just the opposite. It cripples you emotionally and psychologically.

 

I hope I scared you straight. Now go out with a friend and have a drink to celebrate your freedom! :D

Edited by Vocals5
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I'm sorry that's been your experience. :(

 

Thanks. Unfortunately it's not only myself who will have experienced this. There are many who are already on their way, but who are still in the beginning stages and don't realize it yet. Even if people make it their whole life without getting divorced 9 times out of 10 it's an unhappy existence. Just ask my relatives about their own marriages. People end up living a lie because their afraid of what will become of them without their spouse. That's the tragedy.

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And yet there are some of us that are thriving and very happy in loving and successful marriages.

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Smthn_Like_Olivia

I love when one person thinks their personal experience/decisions with another human being applies to all situations.

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Just be careful about who you marry. I am doing great in my second marriage and my first one was enough to make some men join the priesthood.

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And yet there are some of us that are thriving and very happy in loving and successful marriages.

 

In rare cases when you find the right individual who knows how to argue correctly and don't become vindictive, it is possible. What's funny is most people keep hidden desires for others to themselves, or they'll joke around about it to other married friends who feel the same way. It's ridiculous that people fantasize about others 99.9999% of the time to get themselves through a marriage. If it's natural to desire others, then why get married? Eventually not acting on those desires causes resentment when the person you're married to does you wrong. It's not a matter of IF it will happen, but at what point.

 

It's a medical fact that married women in their mid 30's hormonally desire other sexual partners to subconsciously rebuild what they feel is their fading desirability. I saw a documentary on the subject. It's a natural occurrence that isn't fair to the men who are in the marriage. Even if the women think it, it's not right. They're doing themselves a disservice as well as the guy they're married to.

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Desiring others at times isn't necessarily a reason not to marry. It's about wanting what you have (the partner you have), not having everything you want (different partners).

 

I can live without others easily. It would break my heart to live without my husband.

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.....If I had a nickel for every married woman I've seen either in real life or on TV talk about how cute some other guy is, or vice versa.

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.....If I had a nickel for every married woman I've seen either in real life or on TV talk about how cute some other guy is, or vice versa.

 

Do you see this as evidence of unsatisfying marriage?

 

My H and I have been watching House of Cards. He's expressed appreciation for Claire Underwood's appearance. I am not concerned about his attraction to me, or his marital satisfaction. It's not like he'd rather be with her. He just thinks she's hot!

 

He thinks I'm hot, too. No worries.

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My H and I have been watching House of Cards. He's expressed appreciation for Claire Underwood's appearance. I am not concerned about his attraction to me, or his marital satisfaction. It's not like he'd rather be with her. He just thinks she's hot!

 

He thinks I'm hot, too. No worries.

.

 

That's good then. As long as you have a mutual understanding. Many people can't deal with jealousy issues and use disagreements as a reason to act on those desires.

 

Basically it depends on the maturity of the people entering a marriage and how well they communicate. Also how sexual they were before marrying. Were they a tramp? You know how the saying goes. Old habits are hard to break.

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It's a medical fact that married women in their mid 30's hormonally desire other sexual partners to subconsciously rebuild what they feel is their fading desirability. I saw a documentary on the subject.

 

Very interesting. I had no idea that when I reach my mid 30s I'll hormonally desire other sexual partners to subconsciously rebuild what I feel is my fading desirability. I am very thankful that you've made me aware of this medical fact.

 

What was the documentary called? I'd love to see it.

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Who you turn into during marriage is, imo, down to your own strength of character. In my observations many younger less-lived people experience it as you described, other older, mature people are able to define themselves based on more than their relationship.

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..sounds like someone had a rough go of it and is still bitter to me. Is there some truth to what you say...sure, but to the extremes you mention? That isn't just on the spouse or marriage, that's on each individual.

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.

Also how sexual they were before marrying. Were they a tramp? You know how the saying goes. Old habits are hard to break.

I am totally going to call you out on this one too...

 

I was one of those "tramps" you believe have habits that can't be broken.

 

I was married at 20 and before my 25th birthday, discovered my husband having sex with other men (literally: I came home early from work with the flu and discovered a male people puddle on my living room floor).

 

Did I question my ability as a woman to please men? Of course I did... Why wouldn't I considering I was young, busty, sexual and yet my husband had to cheat on me with other guys.

 

So, in the next 24 years - after coming out of a marriage that involved swinging and orgies and whatnot - I continued a rampant behavior of over-sexualization to the tune of 300+ partners.

 

Then I met a guy and we started dating. He knows about my sexual past and is not threatened by it. He proposed, I accepted and our marriage is happy and monogamous and there is NO desire on my part to go back to the swinging or open marriage.

 

Would I want to be single my entire life - sleeping around with a different partner every week? Nope. Not at all. And I am lucky to have found a partner who is not nearly as close-minded and myopic and the OP seems to be.

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I think we should give him the benefit of the doubt.

He just came out of a 32yr marriage, God knows what he endured there.

If it was even half as bad as he implies, he probably needs time to adjust to living 'normal'.

 

 

PS: Carrie and xxoo, i really hope i find someone like you. :)

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PS: Carrie and xxoo, i really hope i find someone like you. :)

 

Smooches, Darling! :love::love::love:

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I thought the same way as the OP after my first marriage and look at me now so maybe it is just hurt and anger talking.

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EverLastluv

The saying is, "not everyone wears the same shoe" The purpose of living is taking chances in life. I am married & devorced and still looking to married again one day. Its just beautiful thing to love just one person and comited to one. Being single while changing relationships one after the other is not something I would enjoy doing. I say give it a shot, if it dont work out move on to the next. The only thing Is I would not marry legaly anymore lol cause its sure is hell getting a devorce. I am an independent woman, so I dont need to marry legaly to uptain any sort of assets. I would marry for love under God.

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I applaud OP's post because it's refreshing to hear the other side of marriage. People may not have to agree, but it's also the truth that many marriages end in misery. The good happy marriage that last a life time doesn't negate what the OP said.

 

I think our society put too much emphasis on making marriage a must do. I see many people feeling that pressure and make lots of poor choices and jump into them. If not getting married wasn't so taboo, I think there will actually be more happy marriages around.

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If you'd lived in the past, 100 years ago or more, you'd never have divorced. People usually didn't live much more than 32 more years after getting married.

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As another poster said, choose your partner wisely. Marriage is what you make of it. If one or both partners are not willing to invest the time and attention it needs to stay healthy, then it won't be healthy. The marriages where both partners are investing the time and attention needed can (and usually are) very emotionally rewarding, satisfying and fulfilling. It's where one or both partners start neglecting it that problems happen, or if a person married someone who does not have the relationship skills to be a good partner, then the marriage deteriorates. Choose wisely, treat kindly. And if your marriage is going through a rough patch, seek marriage counseling to get it back on track or resolve issues that are damaging it. A lot of people wait too long before seeking help, after feelings have eroded extensively, and it is very difficult to bring a marriage back from severe breakdown. Attend to issues promptly, before they fester and erode the love and feelings you have for each other. That would be my suggestion to those who are married or are interested in getting married at some point. As far as the OP's post, don't paint all marriages as bad just because yours did not make it.

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Grumpybutfun

Rant all you need, this is so very tragic and needless. Marriage is a partnership borne of love, joy, respect and fidelity...when it stops being nurturing and beneficial, it is no longer a marriage but a farce. It does happen and so many stay because it is expected by society.

Wow, 32 years. What made you stay so long if you were so unhappy? What made you finally decide to go? What were the things that made it so unhappy? Share only if you want, just thought it might help others with their own choices.

Sorry, man,

Grumps

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I am totally going to call you out on this one too...

 

I was one of those "tramps" you believe have habits that can't be broken.

 

I was married at 20 and before my 25th birthday, discovered my husband having sex with other men (literally: I came home early from work with the flu and discovered a male people puddle on my living room floor).

 

Did I question my ability as a woman to please men? Of course I did... Why wouldn't I considering I was young, busty, sexual and yet my husband had to cheat on me with other guys.

 

So, in the next 24 years - after coming out of a marriage that involved swinging and orgies and whatnot - I continued a rampant behavior of over-sexualization to the tune of 300+ partners.

 

Then I met a guy and we started dating. He knows about my sexual past and is not threatened by it. He proposed, I accepted and our marriage is happy and monogamous and there is NO desire on my part to go back to the swinging or open marriage.

 

Would I want to be single my entire life - sleeping around with a different partner every week? Nope. Not at all. And I am lucky to have found a partner who is not nearly as close-minded and myopic and the OP seems to be.

 

Well yea, I suppose if you have that much sex it can have the opposite effect. You obviously got it out of your system, which is good for the guy you're with.

 

I'm referring to those who go into relationships without getting it out of their system and end up cheating because they feel they're missing out.

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Thanks. Unfortunately it's not only myself who will have experienced this. There are many who are already on their way, but who are still in the beginning stages and don't realize it yet. Even if people make it their whole life without getting divorced 9 times out of 10 it's an unhappy existence. Just ask my relatives about their own marriages. People end up living a lie because their afraid of what will become of them without their spouse. That's the tragedy.

 

You know why this happens? Because people marry for those lovey-dovey emotions that do not sustain a couple instead of marrying someone who will make a great partner in life. Marriage is like an accessory these days - you can get married - and divorced - so easily.

 

I am sorry you chose the wrong person. :(

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