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! I don't like my ring


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Hi, I am new to this forum. I am having a slight issue and I hope I dont sound like a snob. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years, we have talked about marriage, but I have told him I wanted to wait a little while. Anyways, 2 months ago we found we were pregnant!! Shortly after this he started in on the marriage talk again, and how since were having a kid we need to get married. I didn't have a problem with this because I love him, and I wouuld love to marry him, but I don't like the idea of rushing marriage because we have a baby on the way. Anyways, we looked at rings online, and in the stores and I told him the kind of rings I liked. So today he proposed to me, it was nothing crazy, but it was cute, I said yes. After he went to work I looked at the ring, and I honestly do not feel like it is an engagement ring. It looks and feels to me like its more of a promise ring. I have actually had a bigger promise ring in my past, and I'm not saying this to sound stuck up or snobby. It's just I showed him the kind of ring I was interested in and I feel like he just got the most basic ring available. Now we don;t have a lot of money, and I'm not expecting a ring thats a million dollars. But I feel like if he doesn't have enough money to get me a decent ring, he should have waited until he could afford something that I would like better. I thought about maybe saying something along the lines of I;ve been thinking and maybe we should just until we have a little more money, and you can take the ring back and use that money for some things we need (his car broke down right after he left for work). Anyways I was hoping someone could give me some advice on how to handle this, because I love him and I don;t want to hurt his feelings, but I;m a little embarassed by this ring.

 

Here is a link to a picture of it. View image: IMAG0023 (It's the wrong size which is why I have it on my pinky.)

Thank you in advance...

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Hi, I am new to this forum. I am having a slight issue and I hope I dont sound like a snob. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years, we have talked about marriage, but I have told him I wanted to wait a little while. Anyways, 2 months ago we found we were pregnant!! Shortly after this he started in on the marriage talk again, and how since were having a kid we need to get married. I didn't have a problem with this because I love him, and I wouuld love to marry him, but I don't like the idea of rushing marriage because we have a baby on the way. Anyways, we looked at rings online, and in the stores and I told him the kind of rings I liked. So today he proposed to me, it was nothing crazy, but it was cute, I said yes. After he went to work I looked at the ring, and I honestly do not feel like it is an engagement ring. It looks and feels to me like its more of a promise ring. I have actually had a bigger promise ring in my past, and I'm not saying this to sound stuck up or snobby. It's just I showed him the kind of ring I was interested in and I feel like he just got the most basic ring available. Now we don;t have a lot of money, and I'm not expecting a ring thats a million dollars. But I feel like if he doesn't have enough money to get me a decent ring, he should have waited until he could afford something that I would like better. I thought about maybe saying something along the lines of I;ve been thinking and maybe we should just until we have a little more money, and you can take the ring back and use that money for some things we need (his car broke down right after he left for work). Anyways I was hoping someone could give me some advice on how to handle this, because I love him and I don;t want to hurt his feelings, but I;m a little embarassed by this ring.

 

Here is a link to a picture of it. View image: IMAG0023 (It's the wrong size which is why I have it on my pinky.)

Thank you in advance...

 

 

I definitely have no good advice on the situation, but do wanna say that I don't think the ring is bad at all! It's small, yes, a little understated, but not bad at all. Perhaps if you can see the simplicity in a positive light you might like it more.

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todreaminblue
Hi, I am new to this forum. I am having a slight issue and I hope I dont sound like a snob. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years, we have talked about marriage, but I have told him I wanted to wait a little while. Anyways, 2 months ago we found we were pregnant!! Shortly after this he started in on the marriage talk again, and how since were having a kid we need to get married. I didn't have a problem with this because I love him, and I wouuld love to marry him, but I don't like the idea of rushing marriage because we have a baby on the way. Anyways, we looked at rings online, and in the stores and I told him the kind of rings I liked. So today he proposed to me, it was nothing crazy, but it was cute, I said yes. After he went to work I looked at the ring, and I honestly do not feel like it is an engagement ring. It looks and feels to me like its more of a promise ring. I have actually had a bigger promise ring in my past, and I'm not saying this to sound stuck up or snobby. It's just I showed him the kind of ring I was interested in and I feel like he just got the most basic ring available. Now we don;t have a lot of money, and I'm not expecting a ring thats a million dollars. But I feel like if he doesn't have enough money to get me a decent ring, he should have waited until he could afford something that I would like better. I thought about maybe saying something along the lines of I;ve been thinking and maybe we should just until we have a little more money, and you can take the ring back and use that money for some things we need (his car broke down right after he left for work). Anyways I was hoping someone could give me some advice on how to handle this, because I love him and I don;t want to hurt his feelings, but I;m a little embarassed by this ring.

 

Here is a link to a picture of it. View image: IMAG0023 (It's the wrong size which is why I have it on my pinky.)

Thank you in advance...

 

 

if a guy offered me a daisy chain ring and said to me i want to spend my life with you......i wouldnt be looking at the ring.......the ring is a symbol....of love that he has.....the eyes that are looking at you and those eyes that you wake up next to for the rest of your life can never be devalued or forgotten or lost........far more important in my opinion....congratulations....i wish you the very best in life....and love.....and a life together..........deb

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I'm going to shoot straight from the hip I'm afraid, and possibly take a bit of flak - but - speaking my mind, and being direct?

 

I don't like it either.

 

It's tiny, and frankly, it seems very much like he simply chose something to get the deal done and over.....

 

However, the difficulty you have, is not so much the ring, but what to say....

 

My take would be more along the lines of...."I love this ring - and I love that you value the pregnancy and our baby so much, and chose this way to commemorate it! It will go beautifully alongside my engagement ring, when we choose that together!"

 

(But I'm British, and that's a typically 'sang froid' approach.... I also hate the "We're pregnant!" phrase. It's not 'we'... it's 'I'. Until men know what it is to carry ten pounds of fractious weight in their insides, compressing every other organ into the tiniest possible spaces, experience morning sickness, dizziness, and loads of other effects, including urgent warnings from the bladder that no woman dare ignore - then they are not pregnant too....! :mad:

 

:D )

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The stone in a simple setting like this could easily be replaced with a larger stone at a later anniversary when the two of you are more financially stable.

 

Focus on your baby. After he/she's born, the ring will not matter.

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todreaminblue
I'm going to shoot straight from the hip I'm afraid, and possibly take a bit of flak - but - speaking my mind, and being direct?

 

I don't like it either.

 

It's tiny, and frankly, it seems very much like he simply chose something to get the deal done and over.....

 

However, the difficulty you have, is not so much the ring, but what to say....

 

My take would be more along the lines of...."I love this ring - and I love that you value the pregnancy and our baby so much, and chose this way to commemorate it! It will go beautifully alongside my engagement ring, when we choose that together!"

 

(But I'm British, and that's a typically 'sang froid' approach.... I also hate the "We're pregnant!" phrase. It's not 'we'... it's 'I'. Until men know what it is to carry ten pounds of fractious weight in their insides, compressing every other organ into the tiniest possible spaces, experience morning sickness, dizziness, and loads of other effects, including urgent warnings from the bladder that no woman dare ignore - then they are not pregnant too....! :mad:

 

:D )

 

 

too true to the i not we.....lol.....deb

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Thank you, for being so honest todreaminblue. I was expecting to get bashed and see a lot of "it's not about the size of the ring, its about how much he loves you....." I am still debating what to say if anthing, but I like your response, I will definitely take that into consideration.

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KraftDinner

I get it, OP. An engagement ring is something you'll need to wear for the rest of your life, and if you don't like it, that's no good!

 

The stone is really small...is that what bugs you? This isn't a trick question...

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Thank you, for being so honest todreaminblue. I was expecting to get bashed and see a lot of "it's not about the size of the ring, its about how much he loves you....." I am still debating what to say if anthing, but I like your response, I will definitely take that into consideration.

 

nobody was bashing you :)

 

I too was being honest in saying I don't think it's bad at all. I've seen way worse.

 

I just think it's definitely not something to dwell on, there seems to be a lot of positives in your life right now, focus on all the good that is to come! You have the rest of your life to receive another ring/other jewelry. Perhaps in the future he may just ask you to pick something out yourself! ;) My dad finally started doing that. Take my mom to a jeweler and just let her pick.

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I get it, OP. An engagement ring is something you'll need to wear for the rest of your life, and if you don't like it, that's no good!

 

The stone is really small...is that what bugs you? This isn't a trick question...

 

Honestly, yes, that is what is bothering me, I feel like it's wrong to feel that way lol. I don't know how else to put it though, without lying, and I don't want to hurt his feelings. I know he loves me and I love him, but like you said I have to wear this forever, and it's too simple in my opinion for an engagement ring. I know I said this earlier but I've had a promise ring that was bigger than this ring in my past, and I think I was just expected that an engagement ring would be bigger than a promise ring.

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snob or not why can you type all of that here to strangers and not

talk about it with the one you sleep with?

 

hm,.............. you need to start communicating with your partner for real.\

say what you think and feel.

 

and i agree on the rush into it cause of pregnancy.

so a promise ring is good since you dont want to rush into it right?

 

Well I wanted advice, because I didn't know if it was even appropriate to say anything at all, if anyone may have gone through this dilemma or anything similar they may have some good advice on how they handled the situation. I agree it would work well as a promise ring and I would have been fine with that, but its NOT a promise ring, its my engagement ring. I don't know if it is appropriate to tell the guy I love that I don't like the ring he picked out for me, because I know it was a very special moment for him to give me that ring and I don't want to completely break his heart or hurt his ego by telling him I don't like it.

Anyways, Thank you for your response.

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Comfortably Numb

Being a male, I know I would hate if my future wife said she hated the ring I got her. But, I am not too fixated on where today's society places value either. At the same time, I would be more upset at the fact that she wasn't ready to get married. I would value communication over physical artifacts. Tell him how you feel about marriage first. Then move onto the ring. Just my two cents...... Can anyone lend me two pennies?

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Being a male, I know I would hate if my future wife said she hated the ring I got her. But, I am not too fixated on where today's society places value either. At the same time, I would be more upset at the fact that she wasn't ready to get married. I would value communication over physical artifacts. Tell him how you feel about marriage first. Then move onto the ring. Just my two cents...... Can anyone lend me two pennies?

 

Would you get your future wife that ring, or a similar one? I hope I don't sound rude, I'm just wondering.

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Comfortably Numb

No, Only for the fact that I know my mom has family rings that she would want me to keep in the family and give to someone special, my brother got one and I will as well. For whatever its worth, a ring won't make the relationship stronger. I understand you want something glorious and to be able to show off with pride. But, you can always get a better ring down the line. To me, A ring will never symbolize how I feel about someone. My actions day to day will. I don't want to invalidate your feelings about this. I would rather you discuss marriage and everything with your fiancee. You would be way better suited doing this. My parents have been married almost 40 years. They are my sole inspiration and true compass as to what love should and will always in my mind and heart be. Neither of them had a lot of money to start. My dad grew up on a farm. Even the smallest of rings was a big purchase. Look more towards what sacrifice was made to make the purchase.

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I know people with simple bands for wedding rings. An engagement ring doesn't need to cost a fortune. My ring was a 10k topaz. You could possibly suggest you both pick out your wedding rings together so you both can pick out something you like. If you're having a baby and want to be together long term, you aren't rushing marriage. Having a baby together IMO is a much bigger committment than getting married.

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Comfortable

I didn't think the ring mattered all that much when I got married. But a coupl of months ago I lost my diamond in my ring. It was really small. I went and picked out a bigger pretty one. And it's incredible how special it made me feel.

 

I think you need to tell him that you don't like the ring. Be honest and up front. Be really sensitive to his feelings. Just tell him it doesn't make you feel special and getting married is a big deal.

 

I don't like your ring either. And it seems like he didn't put much thought into it.

 

And just because your having a baby doesn't mean you have to get something less than you or he want. My husband love my ring more now than when I got it.

 

Good luck!! :) and congratulations on the engagement and the baby.

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I didn't think the ring mattered all that much when I got married. But a coupl of months ago I lost my diamond in my ring. It was really small. I went and picked out a bigger pretty one. And it's incredible how special it made me feel.

 

I think you need to tell him that you don't like the ring. Be honest and up front. Be really sensitive to his feelings. Just tell him it doesn't make you feel special and getting married is a big deal.

 

I don't like your ring either. And it seems like he didn't put much thought into it.

 

And just because your having a baby doesn't mean you have to get something less than you or he want. My husband love my ring more now than when I got it.

 

Good luck!! :) and congratulations on the engagement and the baby.

 

Thank you so much for your reply. I always thought the ring didn't matter either, that is until I ended up in this situation. I think I am going to talk to him about it because, like i've said a million times already, I think the ring is too simple for an engagement ring. It's not an ugly ring by any means, I would wear this ring as a simple everyday ring, but it's something my mom would give me for a birthday or christmas present, not a ring a boyfriend should give the girl he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Again thank you for your response.

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Hi, I am new to this forum. I am having a slight issue and I hope I dont sound like a snob. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years, we have talked about marriage, but I have told him I wanted to wait a little while. Anyways, 2 months ago we found we were pregnant!! Shortly after this he started in on the marriage talk again, and how since were having a kid we need to get married.

 

I didn't have a problem with this because I love him, and I wouuld love to marry him, but I don't like the idea of rushing marriage because we have a baby on the way. Anyways, we looked at rings online, and in the stores and I told him the kind of rings I liked. So today he proposed to me, it was nothing crazy, but it was cute, I said yes. After he went to work I looked at the ring, and I honestly do not feel like it is an engagement ring. It looks and feels to me like its more of a promise ring.

 

I have actually had a bigger promise ring in my past, and I'm not saying this to sound stuck up or snobby. It's just I showed him the kind of ring I was interested in and I feel like he just got the most basic ring available. Now we don;t have a lot of money, and I'm not expecting a ring thats a million dollars. But I feel like if he doesn't have enough money to get me a decent ring, he should have waited until he could afford something that I would like better.

 

I thought about maybe saying something along the lines of I;ve been thinking and maybe we should just until we have a little more money, and you can take the ring back and use that money for some things we need (his car broke down right after he left for work). Anyways I was hoping someone could give me some advice on how to handle this, because I love him and I don;t want to hurt his feelings, but I;m a little embarassed by this ring.

 

Here is a link to a picture of it. View image: IMAG0023 (It's the wrong size which is why I have it on my pinky.)

Thank you in advance...

 

Don't feel bad about not liking your ring. Although the ring is a symbol, most women attach deep sentiment to their engagement rings. You are the one who will have to wear the ring all the time, so you need to like it.

 

I agree that your ring is quite tiny and simple. The PC response is "The ring doesn't matter" but most people secretly feel that the bigger the ring, the more the man is willing to invest his wife and the marriage.

 

If your boyfriend is only talking about marriage because you are having a child, that is not a good sign. Marriage should never come from feeling obligated. I would return the ring and say that you do not want to get married too soon just because a baby is coming.

 

There are stimulants which mimic diamonds very well and there are always gemstones to look at. If I did not have a diamond wedding band and engagement ring set, I would have loved a blue sapphire.

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For me, the thought my husband put into the ring mattered more than how big or expensive it was. When my husband and i got engaged, we were also pretty broke and the thought that he took the time to pick out a ring and propose meant a lot more than a ring I picked out myself. But if you feel he didn't put a lot of thought into it, that's another thing entirely. I think it would be in bad taste to tell him so, but you can get the point across by saying how important it is for you both to pick out wedding rings you both like.

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I also hate the "We're pregnant!" phrase. It's not 'we'... it's 'I'.

 

OMG! I thought the day would never arrive that I would read that a woman says she hates the phrase "We are pregnant". And then there it is, in black-and-white!

 

Five gold stars and the equivalent in Tesco bonus points if they are any use to you.

 

How about anthropomorphising pets? Dressing them up to look ridiculous? Talking about baby cats instead of kittens or baby dogs instead of puppies or using pet names for zoo animals and talking about their babies? (Michaela Strachan in Michaela's Zoo Babies). Talk about schmaltz overload inducing nausea and gagging.

 

Oh yes, strictly concur, men cannot and do not get pregnant, therefore it can't ever be "we are pregnant". Using the term is a modern whimsy which is as about as a vacuous a statement that it can be possible to make.

 

Rings? Know nothing about them and it is a territory I would be very wary of trodding on. It's obviously a statement of some ilk but that statement can either be good or bad. Here it seems there is maybe a consensus that it is bad. As a bloke I have mixed feelings. On the one hand I get the point viz how serious a statement of commitment it represents. On the other hand, I hear the voices of people effectively saying, here is the pecunary worth of a commitment weighed in carats, or whatever. Personally I would take the safe option and run a mile.

 

Maybe he is being a tightwad because that is just what he is or maybe is being a tightwad because he has little money and thinks what little he does have could be put to better immediate use.

 

Are engagement rings still effectively a dowry in anything but name?

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KraftDinner

I'm very curious, and forgive me if asking is crass, but what size is the diamond (carat weight)?:rolleyes:

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KraftDinner
I'm very curious, and forgive me if asking is crass, but what size is the diamond (carat weight)?:rolleyes:

 

No idea how that weird face ended up at the end of my reply, haha. As far as I know I didn't click on a "smilie" (hate that word btw).

 

Just in case you think I'm rolling my eyes or whatever.

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PS OP. if you are still reading responses. You are in a compromise situation, because of an unexpected event. There will inevitably be consequences to that, not just the fact that you are pregnant when you did not plan it. I would suggest you focus on the appropriateness of getting married primarily because you are pregnant. Hundreds of thousands of couples have found themselves in that position before. For some it has worked out, for others it has been a disaster. If yours works out because you focus on the essentials of making it work then it is feasible to change the minutiae later on, like an engagement ring. You wouldn't be the first couple to later on have a marriage renewal ceremony part of which was a better engagement ring. Try to think flexibly. Try to box clever. Think both long term but also in the here and now. The bottom line is are you marrying the right guy for the right reasons? Nothing else should really matter.

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KraftDinner
PS OP. if you are still reading responses. You are in a compromise situation, because of an unexpected event. There will inevitably be consequences to that, not just the fact that you are pregnant when you did not plan it. I would suggest you focus on the appropriateness of getting married primarily because you are pregnant. Hundreds of thousands of couples have found themselves in that position before. For some it has worked out, for others it has been a disaster. If yours works out because you focus on the essentials of making it work then it is feasible to change the minutiae later on, like an engagement ring. You wouldn't be the first couple to later on have a marriage renewal ceremony part of which was a better engagement ring. Try to think flexibly. Try to box clever. Think both long term but also in the here and now. The bottom line is are you marrying the right guy for the right reasons? Nothing else should really matter.

 

With all due respect, she's asking about her ring, not her life choices.

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OMG! I thought the day would never arrive that I would read that a woman says she hates the phrase "We are pregnant". And then there it is, in black-and-white!

 

 

I agree! I am a woman and i also have never liked that phrase. The woman is pregnant, the man isn't. Whoever invented that phrase needs to consult a dictionary. A more proper term is "we're expecting", but not "we're pregnant".

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