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inter-national wedding


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Hello all,

 

I guess I am still not exactly comfortable on this forum, so I will change the nationalities to tell you about my problem and ask for some advice. Here it goes: I am a Portuguese girl, who speaks perfect Finnish, studied in Finland and is now engaged to a Finnish boy. We are planning a wedding, but our parents and relatives don't speak each other's languages and we fear it might turn into a disaster, imagine both side's parents sitting at the same table and sulking or sitting apart and still sulking. We could organise two separate celebrations, but that would be even more expensive for us, so we might have to have only one, which also involves groom's side travelling abroad to come to our wedding. We don't want to have a Las Vegas wedding either, it would be great if everyone could be there. Has anyone had this? It would be great to hear from someone who already went through something like this. Thanks in advance.

LK

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I've not been in your position.....but how about asking some other friends, students, etc. who speak additional languages to sit at the family tables and help out?????

 

I actually think it could be a wonderful wedding since you can print both languages on invitations, napkins, in the ceremony itself. It's actually very cool.

 

I would use this cross cultural thing to make it the most unique wedding ever.

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I guess I'm kind of in the same situation except both families do speak the same language. Anyway if you have 1 wedding with both families I would try to make your wedding unique by mixing two cultures into 1 wedding. Use wedding traditions from both countries. As for the language barrier I would try to think of some kind of game that would get people to learn a few words in the other language. Make it fun but simple. Maybe the reward could be to get the happy couple to kiss instead of clicking glasses. Is your wedding this year or do you still have time?

 

We are having a wedding here in Canada in our backyard with a Celtic theme. My fiancee will have a few family members but then we plan on going to Britain for a honeymoon and maybe just having a simple get together with his family there.

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Thanks Arabess and Carla.

 

Celtic wedding sounds wonderful, but our cultures are too different to find a common theme for our wedding. We can combine both sides traditions, probably and somehow manage to look like we know what we are doing, it won't be easy anyway...

Arabess, I agree it can be a unique wedding, but I also want it to be good, not just unique and I want people to enjoy themselves. Could you tell me some details about your bi-lingual wedding?

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Hi Carla,

wanted to share, we have set a date now, early October, so just over 6 months, aaaaaaaaaaaaah. And you wouldn't believe, who relieved all my anxiety about my coming wedding: my mother-in-law-to-be!!! We were on the phone and she started telling me all the words she learned in my language, she got herself a book and learned some; I had tears in my eyes as she was going proudly through her list. I have these preconceptions about Northern Europeans (as I am a Southerner) and this 65 year old sweet lady just crushed them down. I hope more pleasant surprises are out there for you as well. Love.

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Ahhhh Kara!!! You aren't just getting married....you are bridging the gap between two cultures. I think this makes you an Ambassador of LOVE! LOL!

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Arabess, that's very sweet of you. The credit goes to my wonderful mother-in-law-to-be. Is there anything sweeter to taking the initiative to be friends with someone? She did it and I am so grateful.

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You sound as though you are going to have a wonderful mother in law. October .... congratulations. That means you better get a move on it. It will sneak up on you in no time. I think mixing two cultures would be wonderful. Each side gets to feel inportant that their traditions were used and they also get to feel like they have learned something new, with the different traditions. Good Luck.

 

Arabess: my honey wanted to wear a kilt but it is very expense, and has to be rented for Britain. They don't have his tartan over here. So he is going to buy a waistcoat (vest) with his tartan and tie to match. I am going to wear a Celtic style dress. I tried one on the other day and fell in love all over again. It looks kind of like the fairy dresses in Lord of the Rings, with long baggy sheer sleeves. I have lots of time to plan. (next June)

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I love the sound of the two cultures trying to come together....power to your mum-in-law! That's really sweet!

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Originally posted by carla

You sound as though you are going to have a wonderful mother in law. October .... congratulations. That means you better get a move on it. It will sneak up on you in no time. I think mixing two cultures would be wonderful. Each side gets to feel inportant that their traditions were used and they also get to feel like they have learned something new, with the different traditions. Good Luck.

 

Arabess: my honey wanted to wear a kilt but it is very expense, and has to be rented for Britain. They don't have his tartan over here. So he is going to buy a waistcoat (vest) with his tartan and tie to match. I am going to wear a Celtic style dress. I tried one on the other day and fell in love all over again. It looks kind of like the fairy dresses in Lord of the Rings, with long baggy sheer sleeves. I have lots of time to plan. (next June)

 

What an exciting time for you! I love the lookof dresses like that. :)

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It's not just the wedding, it's the forever. What language will the children (if any) speak? Can each of you talk to your in-laws?

 

I love Arabess' idea about actively enlisting your friends to help bridge the communication gap. Weddings are about forming a new family from two traditions. You've got a bit more work than most, but the joy of a wedding puts everyone in a mood to be together. Even more so, when the first baby shows up, be ready for a major intercontinental competitive lovefest as all the grandparents try to hold the baby first.

 

This is such a lovely story, it gives me real hope. You must keep us posted, I insist!

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pregnant lurker

Dear Kara,

 

I went through the same thing last year only I had THREE languages to deal with -- husband and his closest friends and family speak Russian ONLY, my parents speak English ONLY, and we live in a country with a different national language (although, thankfully, 90% of our guests could at least understand English.)

 

My parents and my husband's parents couldn't talk though, but you know something? moms have a universal language, and they were both laughing together. Our wedding program and invitiations were in three language. We chose a best man and maid of honor who spoke all three languages.

 

I seated people by languages. I did not put any "russian only" speakers with "english only" speakers, although my husband's Russian female cousin wanted to be seated with some of my English-speaking guy friends. The seating all worked out fine. I found that people sat with whom they wanted to in the end, anyway. Wish I'd have known - I wouldn't have struggled with a seating chart for 100 people. Portuguese-Finnish may be too big a stretch to expect people thrown together to mix and be friendly during the reception. You may also want to just seat by language group.

 

We did our best to combine the 3 cultures. The wedding ceremony was American-style, our entertainment was a local group (playing in the 3rd language of the day), and much of it was translated into all three languages (wherever feasible). But in the end, we didn't really worry about whose traditions were whose - we just had fun. We had fireworks, it took place in a medieval castle, the weather was gorgeous, and we had a live band outside, a horse drawn carriage, food indoors and outdoors....it was neat.

 

In hindsight, my best advice would be to splurge and hire a professional translator (if, of course, you can find Finnish Portuguese or whatever your mix actually is!). If you rely on a friend, they may wish to eat at that moment and not stand up and translate a speech or prayer...see? pay someone, and they don't have that excuse. Also, focus on activities that don't require talking. If you are going to play some games (that's the tradition here, at any rate) don't use word games, or games where people have to stand up and talk or sing or whatever, because it's not going to work in translation. I'm sure it adds an additional stress factor (I wouldn't know - it was my only wedding), wondering how everyone is going to communicate, but it'll all work out!

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Thanks a million to everyone for their comments.

PL, I have to congratulate you for managing the tri-lingual wedding, I knew there was hope out there. You helped me a lot with visualising the actual event,I need to organize seating arrangements, translators and so on, SOON!

I'm sure it adds an additional stress factor (I wouldn't know - it was my only wedding), wondering how everyone is going to communicate, but it'll all work out!

Oh, this sounds like music to my ears. PL, thanks for this!!! You're great!

 

You've got a bit more work than most, but the joy of a wedding puts everyone in a mood to be together.

:):):)

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