konfuzd Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 I've been engaged for 4 months now - just trying to finalize the date with my venue, but we are aiming for June 30, 2012. Right after I got engaged, I called one of my best friends who lives pretty far away. She is a pro photographer. I was debating on whether to have her as a bridesmaid, but she insisted on doing the photos. I was thrilled! She does amazing work (any bias from our friendship aside). We started talking details, including having her run a 'photo booth' with an instant digital, and other things. She recently called me and told me that she plans on getting pregnant and having her child sometime late June-early July (exactly when our wedding is planned). Since we haven't been able to confirm the venue yet, she asked me if I could push the wedding date back, so she could still do the photos. She would plan on bringing her two children with her (her eldest would be 2 and she would have a newborn!) I was outraged. Not only that she'd ask me to change my date, but that she'd assume she could tote around a couple of young children around while I am paying her (yes, I was going to pay - full price) while she's doing my photos. Not only that, but she decides after spending 4 months planning with me, that she now wants to have a child at that exact time we've been talking about (maybe a bit selfish on my part- this is one day vs. bringing a new life into the world). I want to be happy for her, but I'm just so dissapointed, not only will she not be able to be my photographer- which I was very excited about, she likely won't even be there at all. I spent hundreds - maybe even thousands of dollars to be at her and her sister's weddings. I don't know if this is the beginning of Bridezilla-ness or if I'm justified in being a bit upset. Any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
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Millard Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 Don't be stupid. That's like your wedding planner saying to move the date. She might be a good friend & all, but find another photographer, and then go visit her once her baby is born. Enjoy your wedding first. Don't change it for someone else. Besides, plenty of brides specifically tell their guests to NOT bring kids, so you wouldn't be out of the ordinary to be outraged at her trying to cart around a toddler AND a newborn! Do you know how annoying & distracting that will be? Leave her out of the wedding party all together and MAYBE think about inviting her as a guest.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author konfuzd Posted June 13, 2011 Author Share Posted June 13, 2011 Don't be stupid Wow, that seems a bit harsh. I'm not planning on adjusting my wedding date for her. I think I'm justified in being dissapointed that one of my closest friends won't be at my wedding, nor doing the photography especially after beginning the planning stages with her. I know I will find another photographer, but after being so excited about sharing this experience with someone I shared so many of life's milestones with, it's a bit of a let down to know I'll probably end up just picking some random company. Under any other circumstances, I would be over the moon for her, but I can't help feeling a bit down about the fact that she decided after 4 months that she all of a sudden wants to have a child at the exact time I am planning my wedding. Link to post Share on other sites
Author konfuzd Posted June 13, 2011 Author Share Posted June 13, 2011 Don't be stupid Wow, that seems a bit harsh. I'm not planning on adjusting my wedding date for her. I think I'm justified in being dissapointed that one of my closest friends won't be at my wedding, nor doing the photography especially after beginning the planning stages with her. I know I will find another photographer, but after being so excited about sharing this experience with someone I shared so many of life's milestones with, it's a bit of a let down to know I'll probably end up just picking some random company. Under any other circumstances, I would be over the moon for her, but I can't help feeling a bit down about the fact that she decided after 4 months that she all of a sudden wants to have a child at the exact time I am planning my wedding. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 First off.. congrats... You sound like you are pretty level headed about it.. you know what she is asking is wrong.. At this point I would look into finding another photographer.. By the way.. getting pregnant isn't as easy as picking a date and having sex .. although sometimes it seems that way.. The chances of her getting pregnant and delivering in exactly the time frame she is looking for are about a million to one... Link to post Share on other sites
sunshinegirl Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 (edited) Wow, that seems a bit harsh. I'm not planning on adjusting my wedding date for her. I think I'm justified in being dissapointed that one of my closest friends won't be at my wedding, nor doing the photography especially after beginning the planning stages with her. I know I will find another photographer, but after being so excited about sharing this experience with someone I shared so many of life's milestones with, it's a bit of a let down to know I'll probably end up just picking some random company. Under any other circumstances, I would be over the moon for her, but I can't help feeling a bit down about the fact that she decided after 4 months that she all of a sudden wants to have a child at the exact time I am planning my wedding. What a bummer. I would be upset too, and it's why I rarely mix business and pleasure. I agree with Art in that it's not so easy to get pregnant and so your friend's certainty about her timing is a bit funny. That being said, I highly doubt she is deliberately trying to wreck your wedding plans. It seems a bit unprofessional of her to ask if she can bring her kids, but if she's a good friend hopefully you can grant her the benefit of the doubt (maybe she thinks she is being a good friend by giving you lots of notice that she may have another kid by then), hold the line on no-kids (if that's indeed what you're planning), and perhaps decide to hire a different photographer altogether so neither of you has to stress about it. Hey, for awhile I was kind of pissed at my sister that she was so not-involved in my wedding planning. Turned out she was just slammed with work and had a lot of other stress in her life, though it took me awhile to take off my bride goggles to see that even though I was planning the happiest (and most long-awaited) event of my life, the world did not suddenly start revolving around me. Good luck! ETA: I didn't read what I quoted very carefully... perhaps you could ask your friend to recommend a photographer? That might help it feel less like picking a random company from the phone book. Edited June 13, 2011 by sunshinegirl Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 though it took me awhile to take off my bride goggles to see that even though I was planning the happiest I see a new word... love it Link to post Share on other sites
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