tiger20 Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 (edited) This is a little guide for fathers. Some fathers are already this protective of their daughters & this is a good thing. Because in a traditional marriage the father gives the daughter away to her husband. So if your daughter is dating a man one of the things you should do is after 6-8 months of dating exclusively you should encourage your daughter to bring her boyfriend over for a meeting. But you don't want your daughter to be present. You just want to be alone with the boyfriend for this meeting. Invite him over on a Sunday afternoon to have a sit down chat & just ask him what his intentions are with your daughter. I don't care how old your daughter is. If you think you are being overprotective by asking her boyfriend about his intentions with your daughter then you are not. You are just trying to look out for your daughter. Sometimes fathers have a way of seeing red flags in the boyfriend long before the daughter does because the first 6-9 months of dating is usually the honeymoon phase of the relationship. During that honeymoon phase for the two people in love it's hard to see red flags & think long term. But after 6-8 months of dating your daughter's boyfriend should already have a pretty good idea of whether or not he wants to marry her. You want to get the truth out of him. Ask him "when is the wedding?" or "where do you see yourself in 5 years with my daughter?" Ask him if he's saving up money for retirement & ask to see proof of his bank statements. Pay attention to how he manages money. Now in my dating system guys are suppose to wait for the woman to ask him to get engaged. I don't expect that to happen for another 3.5 years. So your daughter's boyfriend is going to confide in you & tell you that he has every intention of marrying her. He's going to keep her in the dark about this. Keep this between you and him & don't tell your daughter that he's planning to marry her in 3.5 years because she needs to ask him to get engaged. So while I think guys should wait for her to ask him to get engaged he should be telling his girlfriend's father after 6-8 months of dating that he wants to marry his daughter in the next 3.5 years. If you are marriage minded as a father & your daughter wants marriage for herself then you don't want her to waste her time on a guy who just intends to date her the rest of her life. So when you have that meeting have a snack & drink ready for him & ask him "Let me ask you a question. What are your intentions with my daughter for the long term? Do you have plans to marry her? If so by what date? Or do you just have plans to date my daughter for the rest of your life?" Every father should be a love detective with every one of those guys that his daughter is dating. Kind of like the way Robert Denero was in the movie "Meet the Parents". He was a cold case detective & conducted a deep investigation to see what her daughter's boyfriend was all about. This is a good thing. It helped that he happened to be an undercover CIA agent in the movie. If you as a father are already in military or law enforcement then it will be very especially easy for you to figure your daughter's boyfriend out in the first 5 seconds of meeting him. You'll be able to read if & when he's lying to you because you've had that kind of training in your career already. In my system I say that the guy should meet the girlfriend's parents after 6-8 months of dating. So this works out well that after 6-8 months he should have a pretty good idea what he wants with your daughter for the long term & therefore arrange to meet with him & have a talk with him. Edited February 4, 2011 by tiger20 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 IF for nothing else your comments make for a plethora of contradictions. TEll the father you want to marry the girl, but under no circumstances be the one to propose! Ohh I wanna see that family discussion on youtube! Keep growing . Open your eyes and clean out your ears. Link to post Share on other sites
Duckduckgoose Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 Haha my dad is one helluva Irish man and most guys want to run like hell when they meet him. Its okay though... my stbxH told me the reason he wants a divorce is cause I'm Irish... I guess I better start looking for some guys with balls when I start dating again, if this guide is to be followed. Link to post Share on other sites
curiousaboutthings Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Most men who have balls will not allow for this situation. And most women with brains would feel disrespected if this happened. Also you seem to be under the assumption that only men have jobs(is she not saving for retirement too) and only men hurt women in relationships. Women hurt men as well and nobody is advocating the woman make her intentions known to his mother. Should his mother help weed out women who are gold diggers and those who would make bad mothers? How about those who don't cook? No because it is a stupid idea just the way everything you wrote is as well. Link to post Share on other sites
MrsL1987 Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Most men who have balls will not allow for this situation. And most women with brains would feel disrespected if this happened. Also you seem to be under the assumption that only men have jobs(is she not saving for retirement too) and only men hurt women in relationships. Women hurt men as well and nobody is advocating the woman make her intentions known to his mother. Should his mother help weed out women who are gold diggers and those who would make bad mothers? How about those who don't cook? No because it is a stupid idea just the way everything you wrote is as well. I definitely have to agree. My dad may have known my husband before I met him but when my husband decided to propose to me, he didn't ask for my dad's permission. He knew what he wanted to do and he went for it. And when he did propose, we had only known each other for 3 months or so. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tiger20 Posted February 5, 2011 Author Share Posted February 5, 2011 I definitely have to agree. My dad may have known my husband before I met him but when my husband decided to propose to me, he didn't ask for my dad's permission. He knew what he wanted to do and he went for it. And when he did propose, we had only known each other for 3 months or so. He doesn't have to ask for the father's permission but he should ask for the father's blessing. Two different things. If the father doesn't give his blessing then it's a red flag. He shouldn't marry his girlfriend. It's not enough for her to like him, but her family should like him too. I mean they're going to sometimes have dinner at her parent's house for thanksgiving or Christmas. If I know the father doesn't like me then I would be very uncomfortable going to her parents house on holidays. I'm thinking long term here. So what her family thinks of me is important too. Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted February 12, 2011 Share Posted February 12, 2011 Actually there is some truth to this post. One thing being when you marry someone you do in a sense marry their family. More on that later though cause I'm on my iPod. Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Actually there is some truth to this post. One thing being when you marry someone you do in a sense marry their family. More on that later though cause I'm on my iPod. So yeah you do marry someone's family, in a sense, when you marry them most of the time. The only times this isn't really true is when the person has cut all ties with their family (which is rare). But most times you have to interact with your in laws on some basis throughout your marriage. Not only that, but by marrying your partner, you get them with some behaviours and mindsets they may have gotten from their other family members. That's why it's sometimes best to see how a person interacts with their family before marrying them. Because how they interact with their family is usually a good indicator of how they will interact with you once the honeymoon stage ends. Another thing to note is that I agree that fathers can sometimes see things in their daughter's significant other, that the daughter misses when she's in the initial infatuation/early love stage. My dad saw that my ex was up to no good although I couldn't see it when we first got together. I really wished I'd listened to him when he tried to warn me about him, because it would've been one less heartbreak for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 I realize this is veering off topic, but you do realize that if men waited for women to do the proposing ... there would be very few married couples? Women have been socialized to believe that they will be on the receiving end of a marriage proposal; men to believe it's their job to propose. Just so you know. Link to post Share on other sites
Eeyore79 Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 I agree with Mme. Chaucer - I would never propose to a man. I'll wait 2-3 years for him to propose, and if he doesn't then I'll assume he doesn't want to commit and will move on to someone who's a better prospect. Link to post Share on other sites
linwood Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 I don`t know what century the OP is living in but if my adult daughter needs me to screen and manipulate her relationships I`ve utterly failed in raising her. Link to post Share on other sites
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