cazzwojo Posted July 31, 2003 Share Posted July 31, 2003 I'm 31 yrs old & have been dating the same guy (30 yrs old) for over 2 years. We have a GREAT relationship & things have been quite serious for some time now, although we do not live together since we both own our own homes. At first we would hear of friends engagements & be happy & giggle about them. Our friends would joke with us about when we would get engaged & it was all in good fun. We recently took a trip to Europe & when we got back to the States I told him that I thought we might have gotten engaged in Europe. He said my comment made him feel like I didn't enjoy the trip. I said I DID enjoy the trip, but that I simply thought it was a POSSIBILITY. Two hours later we find out that his brother got engaged while we were on vacation. Now things aren't funny anymore. I consider myself a laid back woman, but there's only so much I can take. Even if he WAS going to ask me sometime soon, I think he will postpone because his brother's engagement just happening last week. I don't want to break up with him. I love him very much & I want to marry & have a family with him - and I believe in my heart he does, too. But I'm losing my patience. What can I do?? Help me please. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted July 31, 2003 Share Posted July 31, 2003 I don't want to break up with him. I love him very much & I want to marry & have a family with him - and I believe in my heart he does, too. But I'm losing my patience. What can I do?? Help me please. Have you two actually discussed marriage? You say "you believe" he loves you and "you thought" that you might have become engaged on vacation, but it doesn't sound like you ever sat down together and discussed your future. I might feel a bit bad if I got back from a vacation that I thought was wonderful and my husband sprung an "I though blah blah blah would happen while we were away". Actually, that would make me feel really bad. It sounds like you need to talk about your future together and find out if you are even on the same page. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cazzwojo Posted July 31, 2003 Author Share Posted July 31, 2003 Thanks for the reply. Actually, we talk about where our house will be, how many children we will have, what their names will be, and how we would raise them. We talk ring size, cut of diamond, honeymoon, etc. We talk about it all the time. I KNOW he loves me and I KNOW he wants to be with me. If he doesn't, than it would be awfully mean of him to say the things he said knowing that he had no intention of making things permanent. You're right, though. I should have never made the comment after the trip. If I could take it back, I would. Link to post Share on other sites
niko1999 Posted July 31, 2003 Share Posted July 31, 2003 Have you thought about proposing to HIM? Untraditional I know, but it may speed up the process. Or maybe you can propose to him, and then maybe he will "officially" propose to you. Just an idea. I wouldnt, just becuase I have always had the dream of my guy getting down on one knee. but it is a possibility:) Link to post Share on other sites
vixen Posted July 31, 2003 Share Posted July 31, 2003 I think, in my opinion, that you should wait until his brother's ordeal is over. It would overshadow your own, robbing you of your time. I have a realy good friend who went through this. Her sister was getting married and some 6 monthes befor the date, her boyfriend proposed. Her sister was so livid at them both, saying they were trying to steel her moment. it cause alot of upset for all the families involved. Her boyfriend didn't think it would have been a big deel, he had had the ring sitting in a safty deposit box for almost a year, he just couldn't take it anymore, he wanted her to know. I think you should done the armor and be patiant just a wee bit more. Good things come to those who wait. Also, i spoke with my x-husband on marrige quite a bit, and i found out later now that we're divorceing that people think i presured him into it. Quite wrong i assured them. He and i just saw eye to eye on how we wanted it all done. But becouse it wasn't a surprise alot of people scorn it. I couldn't belive it. Some say it's my fault, some say it's his, but we at the time, were simply in love and had set up a 5 year date some 4 years ago. We had said, if we are still happily in love in five years we'll get married. It was a nice goal i took seriosly, it seems to onlookers that adam just saw it as the "next step" like a prosses in life he had to go through. Ah well, just some insite and examples. I'm not affraid to marry again, but this time, i want the total surprise. If you two talk of this so often, then you know he is inclined to do so someday. Just look for the sighns. That can be more fun!! Like suddenly your not hitting the expensive restoraunts your doing burger king. All of a sudden he's friends with your dad, Stuff like that, you know, the saveign money, preparing for the big night clues. Like he's thinking long term instead of short term. There are signs that it's comeing, look for those, that might occupy your time. Or better yet get yourself involved in his brothers wedding. See the prosses know what could be comeing for you. Weddings are hecktic and stressful, Trust me i know, I'm sure the bride to be will be so happy to have an extra pair of helping hands, and it might keep you so busy you'll forget your longing, and enjoy someone elses good fortune. (just be sure to catch the boquet) vixen Link to post Share on other sites
Mwende Posted August 1, 2003 Share Posted August 1, 2003 Definately couples counseling. Is it just plain old cold feet, waiting for the "right time," or something darker. We've all met that guy who won't propose because (a) he wants to keep his options open, (b) it's a control thing -- he's got something she wants, © he has no intention of marrying, but will keep the status quo intact as long as he can. As brutal as it would be to find out that his delay is one of the darker reasons, it would be more brutal next year, or a year after that. I'm a family law attorney, and all too often I have consultations with women (rarely men) who have given their all to a relationship in the expectation of a ring, only to have their hopes dashed. You've committed a good long stretch. It's fair for you to need to know what his intentions are. For real, not the fairy tale "and baby makes three" rose-covered-cottage thing. Rings, dates, wedding parties. By the way, my fiance broke off our engagement last week. (You may want to look at my posting in the break up forum.) What I'm going through now is horrible, but I acknowledge that it would be only more horrible if another month, week, day passed with me making a serious investment that had no hope. The week I've spent in this haze of pain is a week less of a commitment to a man who does not deserve me, and a week closer to that really terriffic life I envision for myself. You do not have permission to be the woman in my office who was with a guy for 7 years before he finally showed her the door (in favor of someone else, sorry to say). You may not be that woman. Not because I say so, but because you do not give yourself permission to let that happen to you. Good luck, and let me know. Mwende Link to post Share on other sites
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