jons4ever Posted July 12, 2003 Share Posted July 12, 2003 I am 21 years old and have two more years of college. I have been with the same guy who is 20 for 5 years. We never argue and know that we both want to be together forever. If this is true, then why is he always frightened about discussing marriage and the future? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 12, 2003 Share Posted July 12, 2003 He's still very young and has a ways to go before he feels financially secure enough to takeon the responsiblities of a wife and family. You ought to be very happy that he takes marriage so seriously. Give him some time. If you're still around when he is finally ready for that kind of committment, you'll have no problem getting him to talk about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Jamie31 Posted July 12, 2003 Share Posted July 12, 2003 Your situation sounds similar to mine. Me and my now husband got engaged when I was still in high school. We got married in May and I too have two years of college left. But I feel like we made the right decision because we are both very happy and it's what we wanted. I have no regrets at all. Although my husband is a little older than your boyfriend, guys that age can get real skiddish about marriage. Like Tony said, be glad that he does take it so seriously. Marriage is a HUGE commitment and being married takes 100% from both parties. You just need to make sure that it is the right thing for both of you. Look at all aspects, including your financial situation before making this commitment, because financial burdens can be extrememly hard on a marriage no matter how much you love each other. And living with another person is hard too. There will be things about him that you may think is cute now that will get on your nerves later when you have to put up with it every day. And you need to make a effort to keep things fresh. It may be that your boyfriend just isn't ready to take on the responsibility of a marriage..and trust me, it is a BIG responsibility!! If you have been together for 5 years, obviously he is committed to you. All I can suggest is just to talk to him about marriage. Since you have been with him so long, it shouldn't be a topic that is new to you. See exactly why he wants to wait and don't pressure him into it. You need him to be ready for marriage just as much as you are. It takes TWO, and if you rush him, he may just do it because he feels obligated and then that could turn into a whole mess of problems. Just talk to him, and if he isn't ready, just give it time. You're still young and have plenty of time. Focus on your schooling while you don't have the responsibility of a family to tend to. It'll all work out. Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Ryan Posted July 12, 2003 Share Posted July 12, 2003 I am 21 years old and have two more years of college. I have been with the same guy who is 20 for 5 years. So you two have been with the same person since you were 15-16 years old....yikes. I would not recommend marriage to people in such a situation. This is the only serious relationship either of you have been in.....yet you believe you understand yourselves (both in relationships and out) well enough to say this is the pinnacle. I'd say that is a tad premature. I'm going to be frank about this and not feed on fluffy idealism. I can't count the number of "first serious" couples I've known that stay together far longer than the relationship will carry....oh wait, yes I can - ALL of them. It builds on delusion about what relationships are and fear of never being able to recreate the current state of complacency. Neither person wants to be the one to break the harmony.....which fits with this "never argue" image. Sure, men can be hesitant around the subject of such serious commitment...but it is also possible he is breaking out of the harmony on his own. People are going to piss and moan that I'm being a pessimistic ass simply because I don't fall for the fairy tale. Bad relationships end....because they should. Good relationships end too....they end well. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted July 13, 2003 Share Posted July 13, 2003 "they end well" what does ending well entail, if i may ask? -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Ryan Posted July 13, 2003 Share Posted July 13, 2003 what does ending well entail, if i may ask? It means the people involved realize the relationship has run its course. The feelings are not the same anymore....the situation isn't the same anymore....usually because the people are not the same anymore. They have gotten what they can out of it. The next step for personal growth is the post-relationship reflection. It's not necessarily easy, but it is necessary. It's pretty rare that this happens, since so many people don't even HAVE a healthy relationship. It takes a fairly substantial amount of self-awareness to recognize this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
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