I hate waiting!!

[Rachael C.]

I am getting married in November, but this engagement of sort is kinda bothering me...the date is set with the church, my boyfriend and I found a church and talked to the minister, will receive couseling from the church this week, and we are making honeymoon plans together (which he is making most of the planning, cause he doing all the research for the place, I'm not). The problem is...there is no ring!! He says he wants to formally propose to me this summer because he just got a full-time job a few months ago (things were tough for him financially for a while, but he is starting to get a handle on things), and he has an ideal time, setting, and situation in mind, but he refuses to tell me what it is. I trust that he will, but I am starting to have a problem with making all kinds of plans with bring formally "engaged", because I am very hesitant to go ahead and start making most of the major plans without a ring. I really don't care for the idea of waiting till summer to plan a wedding that will take place in the fall. Also, I am getting all kinds of slack from my family and co-workers, constantly saying "where's the ring", "what kind of boyfriend is he" "he doesn't make enough money for you if he can't buy you a ring", etc. I wish I never told anyone, but when you are making plans that require taking time off of work (how my co-workers found out), as well as setting dates and looking into catering venues (how my family found out), it was impossible not to tell. Like I said, I trust that I will get the ring from him, he never let me down before, but I wish at this point we can just go to Vegas already, and say screw the ring, and screw having a ceremony! I have no idea why...maybe it's from listening to other people too much tell me that I should have had a 1 carat diamond already, but I am starting to get mad at my boyfriend a little lately that I don't have a ring (these people making digs at me can be kinda shallow...I admit). He says I talk about it too much, and he doesn't wat to talk about it because he wants it be a little bit of a suprise as to when it will happen. Is this natural to get upset under this strange situation, am I listening to other people too much, or am I just being shallow? BTW - we have been dating for a little over a year, and the reason we have decided to marry sooner because we want to live with one another, but feel funny doing it without being married first (just our beliefs, tied into the religious implications and significance of marriage). He treats me excellent, very gentleman-like, very understanding, kind, loving, never fight, he puts me first, etc...a rare gem nowadays. Am I being to rough on him, and should I just hold my horses and wait for the ring?

[Tony T]

1. "Is this natural to get upset under this strange situation."

 

It's not natural but it's OK if you want to upset yourself. While it would be nice to have a ring, you said yourself he had been having problems. I think it's pretty prudent of him to wait to get a ring until he has his finances in order. But, as you say, he's a good guy and he keeps his word.

2. "am I listening to other people too much"

 

Yes, your life is none of their business. Who the hell are they to tell you what size of a ring you should have or when you should get it. I would consider it an insult for them to try to live your life or tell you how you should feel. Tell them to take a long walk off a short pier.

 

3. "or am I just being shallow?"

 

Yes, a little of that too.

 

Your guy is working as hard as he can to please you. If you're going to be this way BEFORE you get married, you are not ready for marriage. There are many more serious struggles in life that you and your husband will have to face...hopefully without outside interference...after you get married. This ring thing is small potatoes to the challenges you will face later on in life.

 

If you must have a ring now, have him get a real cheap one with cubic zirconium (fake diamonds). Your friends won't tell the difference and if you love your guy you won't care.

[HokeyReligions]

Pre-wedding stress is common. But your post makes it sound like you are for sale and not really in love.

 

Stop listening to others and listen to yourself. What is most important to you?

 

I was engaged for a year before I got a ring, and married for 18 years before I got the ring I wanted!

 

Symbolism is nice - but if the love is true then a ring shouldn't be a deal breaker. If you keep harping on it to your fiance, he might just decide he doesn't need this spoiled woman and leave.

[jessicakicksbut]

What's so bad about waiting for a ring, I am waiting as well for a ring from my beau, and getting married a month earlier. Your going to have him the rest of your life anyway, as well as the ring, so what is a few months. That keeps people in suspense anyway, and I like it that way! Whenever anybody tries bothering you about it, maybe just give a big smirk and walk away, it works for me.

[niko1999]

Dont be angry about it. Actually, a lot of people dont get rings right away now. The symbolism IS nice, because then you can actually brag, and people wont make you feel as if you are lying, and you want to be able to brag about being engaged with out all the hoola of whwere is the ring. but look at it this way. You yourself said that he has NEVER let you down, instead iof being angry, look forward to when he IS going to "offically" ask you, and be excited about that. Becuase when it happens, the wait will be worth it.

[Lila]

I can understand this ring situation bothering you. But, you need to stop and think a minute. Is it that critical that you get married without a ring? Maybe he's saving up to buy you a really nice one.

 

Also, this may be a little blunt....but if a ring is that important to you, then buy it yourself.