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Marry or Not


confused_heart

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confused_heart

Hello All,

I am sharing my love story in hopes that may be i will be able to remove this ambiguty out of my mind and hopefully for good.

 

I met this wonderful girl 2 years back and started dating her. She had such a wonderful personality and I felt so happy with her. We went out for one year and we liked each other very much. She is very adorable, lovable, caring person and always laughing and makes me feel very special. I feel very very happy with her.

 

We dated for one year and I think her motive throught out the year was to impress me and marry me. She made me feel extra special and was always their when i needed her. I think she liked me very much and througout the year, I just kept falling in love with her charming personality. I on the other hand was pushing her off as i didn't wanted to get too serious with her as i wasn't ready for a commitment. March of 2002, she asked me the question that she wants to marry me. I at that time wasn't even thinking about marriage and never had that kind of thoughts. I didn't know what marriage is all about. I told her No...way since I just wasn't ready to give an answer and also wanted to wait and take my time and see if i really want to marry this girl or if she is not meant for me.

 

Since then we broke up and I think she is really upset with me and think i was using her just for time pass however i think i was just falling in love with her.

 

She is always so nice to me even though i ditched her.

 

Now it has been 1 year and we have broken up since then and I still can't stop missing/thinking about her. She came to my town this month and whenever i see her, i start thinking that i was so happy with her and she loved me so much and we can make this relationship and eventually marriage work. I can be supportive to her and will give all my love to this lady as she is the one who really showed me what love is all about..and we can live a happy life together. She is also very caring and always been there for me when i need her (during my bad times).

 

 

 

Also, As i started to analyze if she is a right fit for me, I feel that our values are very different, she is very much into relationships, homely kind of girl and not very career oriented(even though i think she has the potentional and with my guidance she will be allright). I think she is quite a silly girl and had previous boyfriends and had a accidental kiss incident with my brother. Since then her reputation in my family is quite bad. Everyone thinks she has bad character which i don't think is the case.. she sometimes does dumb acts also. An example of that is that she started lieing to my family regarding her religion just to impress my family that she can belong in my family. Since then, my family thinks of her as the biggest drama queen and a lier. As of intellectual side, she is always been silly and we can never have a good intellectual conversation. I also don't think she stands strong to her values, She changes herself based on the situation

 

I on the other hand is a career oriented guy who wants to build a solid career and also looking that my life partner has a solid career so we are both in equality instead of Just having "Man" as the "Man of the house". I feel i am very honest and stand strong in my values in most of the circumstances.

 

I also think we have some different hobbies, she is pretty much into watching movies, doing in door stuff, cooking and enjoys talking to friends/people most of her day. I enjoy doing a lot of things with her but wish she is little more outgoing and adventures.

 

I have the feelings that that If I marry her, we could be wondeful life partners and live a happy life on the other hands i do have all the above doubts .

 

I really get scared that if she doesn't fit in my family than she is gonna not like living with my family and that could create problems and i don't want our marriage to be called a bad decision.

 

I am so confused.........I need some help.. I think i am starting to have physicological problems as i am thinking too much and not getting into any conclusion..

 

 

I think i should either forget her completely (out of my life) or I should marry her..I don't know if i should try to be friends with her.

It's hurting me to stay in between..and remain confused..

 

What should i do.....Any suggestions..

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Trust me if you want to marry her you'll know. The simple fact that you are having doubts about it proves she might not be the right girl for you. Don't go marry her just because you think you may be missing out on something. How old are you by the way?

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confused_heart

Thanks for your reply, Yes I am 25 and she is 24..And i think time is coming for me to settle down with a best friend for life forever..

 

Thanks..

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HokeyReligions

You are still pretty young - there is no "time limit" for getting married.

 

My motto is "If in Doubt - Don't" and it sure doesn't sound like you are ready for marriage. -- Especially since several times you mentioned "changing her". You can't change someone else. She will live up to the potential SHE sets for herself, not a potential set by someone else. Suppose she wants you to be more stay-at-home and thinks that she can guide you in that direction after marriage. How would you feel about that?

 

You two are already broken up - go forward and enjoy your life and when you meet the right woman you will know.

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It sounds like you like what you are getting from her but that you kinda look down on her.

 

If you are never going to respect her as a person eventually she will realise that and then YOu won't make HER happy.

 

Leave her alone till you can respect ALL of her as a person.

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