Walk Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 What are people's thoughts about getting married in a court house? A civil ceremony wedding. My city does civil ceremonies at the court house but I've never seen one, or talked to anyone who's had one. Does any one have any experiences to share regarding a civil ceremony? I've been thinking this might be the best option, but I'm not sure. No one in my family seems to want anything to do with me getting married. And my fiance's family initially told him he was making a mistake asking me to marry him when he bought me the ring. So in all honesty, any ceremony we chose would be just for the two of us. I'm having problems with the whole thing though. Do I invite the parents who are ambivalent about it? Should I invite his family who initially opposed it? Should I plan a ceremony that allows them to witness it, and feel part of our union? Or say to hell with them, and potentially ostricise them even further? How do you talk to family who is trying their damndest to pretend there's no issue, and therefore nothing to talk about? Plus, I was married before and I really don't care about the wedding part of it. I'm happy with a civil cermony in a court house. But my fiance hasn't been married before, and although he says he's fine with whatever I choose, I wonder if I shouldn't make this more of a defining moment in his life (or something). Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Link to post Share on other sites
BareGoddess Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 My thoughts? There's a good reason usually when family doesn't want to have anything to do with a wedding. I know that was the case when I married my ex. Too bad I didn't listen because they were right. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 When do you two plan on getting married? Could you do an outside wedding? Instead of a Priest or Paster to marry you both, do some research on how to find someone who just has a license to marry folks. As for your parents and his parents - Invite them to the wedding, let them know you both want them all there to share your special day. But, if they choose not to come, try to let it go and not hold it against them. Someday they WILL regret not going and they'll have to deal/live with their choice. You and your future hubby prove them wrong and make a happy marriage together. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 we eloped in a courthouse in southern Tennessee, then drove back into Alabama to pick up his mom, his sister and a niece so we could be with his little sister in Birmingham. And I don't regret it one bit, because even though it's the only time I plan to be married, I don't think I could have handled traditional wedding hoopla. Though if I had been smarter about things, I would have planned a "meet the couple" party so that all our friends and family could celebrate with us. as for exchanging vows, we agreed that his mom would accompany us to the courthouse, then later, when we had our marriage blessed by the church, we'd do it in Texas so my folks could be there. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 As I understand it, there's no 'ceremony' in a courthouse wedding. You go, you wait, you fill out papers, you stand in front of a judge and say your vows, and you're done. There's no walking down the aisle, no music, no flowers, nothing that says 'wedding'. Basically, it's not too different from the DMV, except they take your picture at the DMV. Link to post Share on other sites
Politico Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 My wife and I eloped and ran away to Reno for a quickie wedding in one of their chapels with a "Minister of the Gospel" officiating. We told him to just ask and say the bare essentials and whe whole "wedding" took about two minutes. For the record, it was my second marriage and her third. Both of us had big, traditional weddings in the past. None of our combined seven children seemed particularly interested so we just went by ourselves and got the job done. It must have taken because we're still married over a decade later. We've also taken formal vows and had our marriage blessed in my church (Catholic) since. At issue is, what do the two of you want and what can you agree upon? Anyone else doesn't count in this context. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 NJ, I'll admit that a courthouse ceremony is stripped down, but in my case, I just couldn't stomach all the hoopla attached to a traditional wedding. I grew up in a small town in South Texas, where everyone was Catholic – either Polish or Mexican, so you can imagine how pumped up these events could get. the "git 'er done" version was much more suited to my personality OP, if your sweetie doesn't have a problem with a simple occasion like a courthouse "ceremony," and you're okay with it too, then go for it. You can always suggest to do something on a grander scale on a future wedding anniversary, renewing your vows infront of family, or something like that. And you can always plan a meet & greet type of reception this go-round. just a thought Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 NJ, I'll admit that a courthouse ceremony is stripped down, but in my case, I just couldn't stomach all the hoopla attached to a traditional wedding. I grew up in a small town in South Texas, where everyone was Catholic – either Polish or Mexican, so you can imagine how pumped up these events could get. Oh, I don't think there's anything wrong with that if that's what they want. The phrase 'civil ceremony' is a little bit of an oxymoron, though, so best to set expectations accordingly. Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgiaSongbird Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 (edited) When I got married the 1st time, we went to the courthouse. A judge married us on his lunch hour. We had his mom, my mom, one of my good friends and his nephew as witnesses. I still worn a nice dress, he was in a nice suit and tie. His nephew was the "ringbearer" It was funny. The little boy was only about 6 at the time when it came time for him to produce the rings, he acted like he lost them for a second. My former MIL is a hobbyist photographer and took some really nice pictures for us. We had lunch in a nice restaurant. That weekend, his mother hosted a party for us and even had a traditional wedding cake made. Although it wasn't anything formal, it was still a nice weekend and I have many happy memories. A few years later, my cousin was also married at a courthouse wedding, it was very similar. If you don't have your heart set on a "traditional" wedding, it can be a nice alternative and it's obviously much less expensive. ETA: If you have some money in the budget and if you decide that having the family there is not important based on the current mood, you could also elope. I know there are states with no waiting periods or other restrictions on licenses have a cottage industry of "quickie weddings." You can buy a package from a chapel that includes the ceremony, photos, among other things. I also have a few friends that chose to marry this way and then have a party back home for friends/family. Edited February 4, 2008 by GeorgiaSongbird Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 A Notary Public or other public registrar can usually marry a couple most anyplace and at anytime. Matter of fact, in Las Vegas you can do it at a drive in window. A nice park or other special place in your lives would be perfect. Let everybody know the day and time. If they show up, fine, if not to hell with them. Don't get married in such a cold, sterile place as a court house. It should still be a special ceremony on a very special day. Remember, just don't ever get married anywhere if that's not what you want to be doing at that moment more than anything else in the entire world. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 I'd rather be married by a notary someplace that means something to me, or at a destination wedding like in the carribean or in vegas or something - since it's your fiance's first wedding he really DOES deserve for it to be memorable....and getting married at the courthouse seems so dowdy and depressing. Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 In your situation I'd vote for eloping. It's more personal than a courthouse, not to mention more beautiful. Link to post Share on other sites
BareGoddess Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 Just wanted to correct something Tony said. I'm a Notary Public in my state and can't marry people. When I was one in FL I could. My understanding is that only three states allow notary publics to marry people: Florida, South Carolina and Maine. Also consider a magistrate. If you pay them they can marry you at your home or wherever you want to be married. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Walk Posted February 4, 2008 Author Share Posted February 4, 2008 My thoughts? There's a good reason usually when family doesn't want to have anything to do with a wedding. I think its more ambivalence then dislike. When do you two plan on getting married? Could you do an outside wedding? Instead of a Priest or Paster to marry you both, do some research on how to find someone who just has a license to marry folks. As for your parents and his parents - Invite them to the wedding, let them know you both want them all there to share your special day. But, if they choose not to come, try to let it go and not hold it against them. Someday they WILL regret not going and they'll have to deal/live with their choice. You and your future hubby prove them wrong and make a happy marriage together. I like the idea of an April wedding. I'm having a hard time finding someone who can marry couples in my state who is not a priest, pastor, or reverend. I need a judge, magistrate, or mayor. Can't find 'em. Do you happen to have any ideas on how to search for non-religious officials who do marriages? Maybe I'm using the wrong key words or something. we eloped in a courthouse in southern Tennessee, then drove back into Alabama to pick up his mom, his sister and a niece so we could be with his little sister in Birmingham. And I don't regret it one bit, because even though it's the only time I plan to be married, I don't think I could have handled traditional wedding hoopla. Though if I had been smarter about things, I would have planned a "meet the couple" party so that all our friends and family could celebrate with us. I feel the same way about the wedding hoopla. Its something I don't mind doing if others are going to get enjoyment out of it... but if it's just for me, then I'd rather have something really simple. It must have taken because we're still married over a decade later. We've also taken formal vows and had our marriage blessed in my church (Catholic) since. Cliche or not, that's a cute story. At issue is, what do the two of you want and what can you agree upon? Anyone else doesn't count in this context. He wants meatballs and sqeezy cheese on crackers. And I want an evening of laughter and fun with the man I love. If you have some money in the budget and if you decide that having the family there is not important based on the current mood, you could also elope. I know there are states with no waiting periods or other restrictions on licenses have a cottage industry of "quickie weddings." You can buy a package from a chapel that includes the ceremony, photos, among other things. I also have a few friends that chose to marry this way and then have a party back home for friends/family. I looked into that a little bit (eloping), but I wasn't sure how much red-tape there'd be in doing that. Or what problems we could run into. That'd be a really fun alternative though. And you could go straight from the wedding to the honeymoon. I like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Walk Posted February 5, 2008 Author Share Posted February 5, 2008 I'd rather be married by a notary someplace that means something to me, or at a destination wedding like in the carribean or in vegas or something - since it's your fiance's first wedding he really DOES deserve for it to be memorable....and getting married at the courthouse seems so dowdy and depressing. You're right. I'd like to make it something that will be fun and memorable for him. Something he'll look back on with a smile on his face. I'm having a hard time balancing our personal beliefs/preferences against what society says we should believe/prefer. I want it to reflect who we are as individuals and as a couple. Its hard to do when everything seems set up for mass market appeal. But he does deserve something that will be memorable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Walk Posted February 5, 2008 Author Share Posted February 5, 2008 OK! Elope to Hawaii?? http://www.beachwed.com/waterfall.htm I've been saving up for a down payment on a house, but screw it... you only get married twice, right? haha Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 That looks cool, and it is only $500 - which in the grand scheme of things in terms of wedding ain't all that much. Nowadays the average wedding costs $20,000!! Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Nowadays the average wedding costs $20,000!! Really?! That's absurd! And all so you can be paraded in front of a ton of guests (half of who you don't know or don't like) Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 That looks cool, and it is only $500 - which in the grand scheme of things in terms of wedding ain't all that much. Nowadays the average wedding costs $20,000!! It is so expensive now. My wedding is going to be $10,000 and we are only having 80 people. It is crazy. walk we are getting married by a justice of the peace, in a non religious cermony. But I think eloping is a good idea. Also check out Sandals if you like that type of thing they have wedding packages and will tell you what you need to do for documentation. Or get married on a cruise. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Really?! That's absurd! And all so you can be paraded in front of a ton of guests (half of who you don't know or don't like) As I recall, when I got married way back when it cost my parents about $15,000. I joked that they spent the same amount of money that they would have if they bought a small car. Needless to say, mom will NOT be picking up the tab the second time around. Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 As I recall, when I got married way back when it cost my parents about $15,000. I joked that they spent the same amount of money that they would have if they bought a small car. Needless to say, mom will NOT be picking up the tab the second time around. What makes it so expensive? Renting the venue? The food? I just don't get it. Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 What makes it so expensive? Renting the venue? The food? I just don't get it. Food- for 80 people at keast $4,000 and an open bar add another $1,000. than for my tents and tables etc.. if is another 3 grrand but our first qoute was $4,500. than you have flowers nad the cake and I kid you not the cake can go up to $800. the photographer $1300 the dj at least $900 if you want live music. $550 - $800 an hour. the dress etc...etc... Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 What makes it so expensive? Renting the venue? The food? I just don't get it. What HG said. It just adds up -- and I cut corners with my wedding, to a certain extent. I got a knock off dress for about $300, as I recall...but the food, the cake, the reception hall, paying for the person who marries you, bridesmaid dresses and gifts, flowers, photographers - it just adds up REALLY quickly. Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 It does and as much as I want to stick to 10 grand I think I'll go over. I got $500 off my dress. the shop was going out of business and it fit me off the rack and it was my 1st choice but before she closed I couldn't bring myself to pay that much for a dress. Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 eep! I don't think I could do that, I'd have buyers remorse As much as i want to get married some day I'd prefer to put that money it to a home or something. Anyways, sorry to hijack Walk Link to post Share on other sites
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