gemalousieglc1 Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Hi, I hope someone can give me a little advise! Me and my boyfriend have been together for 6 years now. We have been living together like a married couple for 4 years. We share everything, including money. After years of talking about our furtures we both want children and i want marriage. He has always been in 2 minds about marrying. I thought, i love him and i am willing to wait a while. So over the past few months we have discussed it and i couldnt believe my luck when we set a date. We decided to get married abroad in 2 years. I told all my family and friends and they was over the moon. I am 23 and he is 22. By then i would be 25 and he just be turning 25 and been very happy for 8 years. I feel the time is right! Anyway everything was going great untill he approached me and told me he dosnt want to do it!!!!! I asked why and he gave me a million excuses! This has messed my head up bad. He says the main reason is because he feels too young. I appreciate what he is telling me but i feel let down! It has made me feel different towards him. We sat down and had a good chat about it and basically i feel he is too imature............ He said "i want to get married more than him, so it should be on his terms", "I have no intention of marrying", "If i do get married, i will do it when i am 30". This means he is expecting me to carry on as b/f and g/f for 14 years before we marry!!!! Is it me or is that just bizzare??? I told him that its not good enough, i want to do it young (25), its not as if we are 16 and been together a month!!!! He is a shy person and i feel the other issue is, he dosnt want the attention. This is why we agreed on going abroad.......but he still insist on maybe doing it when we are 30. I think he is scared. I feel different towards him for this......he has made a fool of me. I now have to tell all my family its off!!!! I can not wait another 8 years before we marry....i thought it was gonna be 2 years! How do i know for sure he wont let me down then? I think he dosnt understand why people get married!! He said i am making a big deal about it and its not worth me leaving him.....I HAVE A LIFE TOO!!!! When we did book a date its was so we could advise people to save up, he did not propose to me at all. He said he would do it a year before the wedding. I asked him how he would do this.....he said basically throw a ring at me!!!! I asked him what happened to one knee and while the sun was setting, he said "You are in lala land, get in reality, who does that nowadays".... i feel heart broken, he has spoiled my dreams. I am good looking, caring, confidant and full of life. I have men begging me to marry them and calling him an idiot!!!! I dont think he realises what he has. I do and would do anything for him, i have been with him since i was 16 after all. I told him yesterday i need a break to think about it......he said "think about what, its not happening", is he thick??? Think about calling our relationship off. Can someone help me? Thanks Gem xxx Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 10 years from now you probably would have given him the I need to find myself or the I love you but I am not in love with you speech anyway so it is probably for the best. He is just being smart and practical. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gemalousieglc1 Posted November 13, 2007 Author Share Posted November 13, 2007 Hi there, thanks for the advise but why do you feel i would give him that speech? I have known him for 12 years and relationship for 6. We are best friends....I believe he thinks i could not live without him and so he keeps me on a string. I i maybe be leaving him, he said "WHATEVA". I feel proper bad, i cant stop crying, should i leave? Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Hi there, thanks for the advise but why do you feel i would give him that speech? I have known him for 12 years and relationship for 6. We are best friends....I believe he thinks i could not live without him and so he keeps me on a string. I i maybe be leaving him, he said "WHATEVA". I feel proper bad, i cant stop crying, should i leave? If you are anything like the average woman you will but maybe you are not like that. I can bet though that this is probably his biggest fear. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gemalousieglc1 Posted November 13, 2007 Author Share Posted November 13, 2007 He sat me down and said, i want to be with you forever. If he wants that why cant he marry? Its rubish, i just think he is too young and imature.....he still plays on his playstation every night for god sake!!! Im sure you can see my view, how will i know if he ever wil? Link to post Share on other sites
Author gemalousieglc1 Posted November 13, 2007 Author Share Posted November 13, 2007 Futher comments would be appreciated..thanks:) Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Well, even though that was a crappy thing for him to do, at least he was honest with you instead of just being unhappy in a marriage..then you'd probably end up divorced or something. That being said, 22 is sort of young to be thinking about marriage. You were both young when you started dating, so he probably feels like he hasn't really gotten to experience dating or just plain being single. That's probably why he says he feels too young. If he says he doesn't want to get married until he's 30 you have a big problem. If you aren't willing to wait for him that long, you should probably just break up with him. Don't give him an ultimatum, but tell him you don't want to wait another 8 years to get married. Honestly late 20's, early 30's are when people are getting married noawdays, but since you have been together since you were young teenagers it sort of complicates issues. Only you can decide what to do, but I think you should have another talk with him and just tell him everything you told us and see what he says. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gemalousieglc1 Posted November 13, 2007 Author Share Posted November 13, 2007 Thankyou for your advise, i have talked aout eveything.....he just thinks its all a joke. I am prob going to break up. I am not waiting 14 years for marriage, when even still then at 30 he might not know......i could end up never marrying him, moving on at 30 and having to start again....and thats horrible thought! Link to post Share on other sites
glamgurl36 Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 go for it....maybe he will realize what he's missing..its hard bc you have been together for so long..but you deserve everything you want in your life. someone will share your feelings on it..and love you lots..good luck Link to post Share on other sites
MissMaris Posted November 14, 2007 Share Posted November 14, 2007 Difficult spot you're in... Well, sometimes when you give someone an ultimatum you get an answer you don't like. You want to get married now. He doesn't. Whatever his reasons are, that his how he feels. I believe early 20's IS a young age to marry at, considering you are likely to live another 50...60....70 years. I realize you have a long history together and both feel 'right' for each other, but nowadays marriage is an option, not a rule. Perhaps you can suggest a 3-month period where you both go your own ways and think things over very carefully. Not a break-up, per se, but a reflection period. If he is still indecisive after 3 months, then perhaps a clean break would be indicated. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
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