1Stupidgirl Posted June 7, 2007 Share Posted June 7, 2007 I am engaged to someone who is the caregiver to his elderly mother. She lives with him and for the past several years it has been just the two of them. His mother hates change of any kind so to keep her happy we've discussed waiting until she passes away to get married. I understand that he needs to take care of her while he still has her, and I love him for it. I love his mother and she loves me so I hate to think of her passing then getting married. It makes me feel guilty for even thinking about getting married. I'm not in any hurry to get married as there are some unresolved issues between he and I, but I just wanted to know how other people would feel in a situation like this. Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted June 7, 2007 Share Posted June 7, 2007 If the only reason you are waiting is because his mother hates change - I would ask HER! I am sure her hatred of change is less severe than her desire to see her son happy and settled before she dies. Of course I would work out the issues first - because once you ask the question, you might have to rush a wedding! Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted June 7, 2007 Share Posted June 7, 2007 I am engaged to someone who is the caregiver to his elderly mother. She lives with him and for the past several years it has been just the two of them. His mother hates change of any kind so to keep her happy we've discussed waiting until she passes away to get married. I understand that he needs to take care of her while he still has her, and I love him for it. I love his mother and she loves me so I hate to think of her passing then getting married. It makes me feel guilty for even thinking about getting married. I'm not in any hurry to get married as there are some unresolved issues between he and I, but I just wanted to know how other people would feel in a situation like this. I bet even if she hates change, she'll be excited that her son is getting married. Moms are like that (assuming that you are right and she loves you). I'd say if you are really worried about it, then you move in with them after the wedding until she passes. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted June 7, 2007 Share Posted June 7, 2007 I agree – because she loves her son, she more than likely will want to put his happiness first. Maybe y'alls compromise is to assure her that if you got married immediately (before she dies) is that her quality of care is not going to change (if you two agree that he will continue to care for her). however, the best thing to to is to talk with her – she's the only one able to share her mind on the subject! Link to post Share on other sites
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