He still talks to his ex

[Guest]

I have been dating my boyfirend for about 6 months. He works out of town 4 days a week. I trust him and everything is going well except for one thing-he is still very involved with his ex.

 

In the beginning of our relationship he let her stay at his house and then I found out he would go over for dinner sometimes. Being that we were new, all I said was wow I don't want to get in the middle of anything. His response was that he was probably out of line and agreed that it was inappropriate and that it would stop.

 

Well it did but he still calls her and she calls him. They chat about whatever more than once a week. I should add that she has a 13 year old that isn't his but he still has a relationship with (I am ok with it) but their relationship has been over for two years-she left him while they were building a house together, for another man.

 

I later found out that she had strung him along and siad she needed to "get it out of her system" and for him to wait -HE DID! He claims that he will never get back with her and I have to trust him on that. He does alot for me and with me but won't cut the ties with her. We have had discussions and arguements.

 

Now I have heard that she has been talking bad about me and she has come to where I work and made comment s to me like "oh are you coming to my son's" b-day party? Oh maybe (my boyfriend) didn't tell you -well I"ll invite you you are welcome to come-we always celebrate (my boyfriend) and my son b-days together.

 

It slike she makes it out like she is more important and I can join in if I want. She has made minor catty comments to me. When I told my boyfriend he always makes excuses for her and has called her to say stay out of her work.

 

My thought is he should cut the tie and if he is serious about me and him, he should stoptalking to her as he said he would. AM I being blind or acting crazy? I am trying to keep this shorter but tried to put major info in.

[FredTravels]

Is this ex the father of the child she is talking about? If so, then he has every right to be talking to her and he should be. There is a kid that will FOREVER bind those two and you cannot change that ever. You are going to have to decide if you can deal with that or not--it is your call. The son is fortunate that his parents still speak--divorce or splitting is so much more difficult when there is animosity between the parents

[Guest]

Is this ex the father of the child she is talking about? If so, then he has every right to be talking to her and he should be. There is a kid that will FOREVER bind those two and you cannot change that ever. You are going to have to decide if you can deal with that or not--it is your call. The son is fortunate that his parents still speak--divorce or splitting is so much more difficult when there is animosity between the parents

 

I am the girl who is dating a guy who is talking to an ex,the child is not his. For an example of what they talk about- she called him to tell him there is a sale on work boots and she could pick him up a pair, this was a call at 10:30 pm- they arent just talking for the kids sake, I just don';t think it is her place anymore. Opinions appreciated:)

[norajane]

Is this ex the father of the child she is talking about? If so, then he has every right to be talking to her and he should be. There is a kid that will FOREVER bind those two and you cannot change that ever. You are going to have to decide if you can deal with that or not--it is your call. The son is fortunate that his parents still speak--divorce or splitting is so much more difficult when there is animosity between the parents

 

She already said he's not the father.

 

 

Guest, he's hanging around waiting for her to change her mind and take him back. If that weren't the case, he'd respect your feelings instead of arguing with you about it all the time.

 

Keep in mind that 6 months isn't very long to date someone. Also keep in mind that you can't make anyone do anything they don't want to do. He clearly wants to stay in touch with her...your relationship isn't as compelling and solid enough for him to want to stop seeing her.

[EnigmaXOXO]

I agree with norajane.

 

You'll just have to wait and see if he'll cut the ties with his ex on his own. You can tell him it makes you extremely uncomfortable and wait to see if he eventually "gets it." However, if you try too hard to force his decision either way, than it'll be a sacrifice he feels he made for you, rather than a genuinely felt compromise (or choice) he was honestly ready to make on behalf of your relationship.

 

If he can't come through, then you may have to make the difficult decision to either accept the "package deal", or chalk it up as a relationship mismatch and move on. You don't have to settle for anything (or anyone) too far out of your comfort zone.

 

Next!

[Guest]

I agree with norajane.

 

You'll just have to wait and see if he'll cut the ties with his ex on his own. You can tell him it makes you extremely uncomfortable and wait to see if he eventually "gets it." However, if you try too hard to force his decision either way, than it'll be a sacrifice he feels he made for you, rather than a genuinely felt compromise (or choice) he was honestly ready to make on behalf of your relationship.

 

If he can't come through, then you may have to make the difficult decision to either accept the "package deal", or chalk it up as a relationship mismatch and move on. You don't have to settle for anything (or anyone) too far out of your comfort zone.

 

Next!

Thanks Norajane and enigma- I really appreciate your input. I have talked to friends about this but sometimes as we all know, friends tend to look out for us and I wanted an annonomous view. I still am not sure if I should just walk (he does have some very good traits) or try to find a way to deal with it on my own, kind of do the watch and wait thing. I know I don't want this to be always our main topic, it will definatley get old for the both of us. I just wish and hope he will decide he doesn't need to talk to her (pretty soon ) as I know I wouldn't want to deal with it 2 years or more down the line.. its just not appropriate in my opinion.