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Confused by my guy friend


JackieDaniels1977

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JackieDaniels1977

I have had a crush on a guy friend of mine for sometime and He figured it out and we had a talk about it. He said your married, I'm married and there is no way you can want me. We agreed on just working on being friends and I told him I would do my best to work on my problem. So, We have a lot of mutual friends and work in the same places... So far I have done my best to just be a friend. but him on the other hand, He's driving me crazy. when we are out with our friends he treats me like a buddy and flirts with me but when I'm the last to leave or the first to go home he is hugging me or if I'm talking to another guy friend he is going out of his way to join in and getting my attention back on him. He was out of town for the last two weekends so he only talked to me during the week. I missed last weekend because I had to work. This week, Monday he was looking for stuff to talk to me about and gave me **** for not coming to see him. and also told people at work that the tattoo I got on my leg was for him (he was part of the reason but it was not about him nore was I thinking of him when I got it.) yesterday we all go out and he brings his wife and sits her at a different table on the other side of the bar, I wanted to meet her, but the way he was acting, I left it up to him and he never did. and he kept me from getting any where near her. The one time I went near her table to see a friend, him and another friend walked up to make sure I didn't talk to her. I didn't go over to talk to her because I didn't think it was my place and I didn't know what he may had told her about me. What is up with him??? and before anyone says anything I have plenty of male friends and none of them act like this. and two He had not problem letting me meet other friends who are girls.

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it's hard to say ..He could have a crush on you and doesn't want to act on it. heaven knows I'd be flattered if it was me ...maybe his wife said something to him about you so he was keeping some distance ..are you extremely attractive?

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He's afraid that you will say something goofy or your mannerisms towards him will create suspicion in his wife that he doesn't want to contend with.

 

BTW, why not let your husband know he's in an open relationship so he can get some excitement in his life too?

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Your reactions to him are all on you. You can't control him or what he does, but you can control your own choices.

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JackieDaniels1977

I have not fully stepped out on my husband. My husband thinks that everything is good between us and that, Its ok to blow up at me and then act as if I am the one with the problem and that I need to move on after words as if we just didn't have a fight and saying sorry to me afterwards should make it better, but after 13years of this Merry-go-round BS. I grew tired of this five years ago and find myself no longer IN LOVE with him. We still get along, but I don't enjoy sex or intimacy with him any more. the last three years I have had this thing for my guy friend and this year decided to quit ignoring it. So I have started going to the Bars on Saturday night to watch him play (something I didn't put in the first post) Yes when he is on stage 90% of the time he has his eye locked on me. And after the shows He comes straight to me and Hugs me and likes to talk to me before I go and sometimes finds personal stuff to tell me so I will stay longer. I think of myself as a bad person at times and have prayed to god, that my husband will find someone better then me. I think the next big fight we have I will bring up ending it between us. regardless what or if anything ever happens between my friend and I.

Last night was the first time she has came out to see him play in over a year from what I understand. And The way he was acting the other night, I took what little interaction we had and let it be. One of ours friends who I didn't think knew anything saw me watching him onstage and looks at me and go's "he's never going to have sex with you." I didn't reply to him because he has not been out to the other shows and doesn't see my friend talks, to me when they are gone.

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Why wait for the next big fight...you've already stepped out on your husband emotionally...why don't you let him know now instead of waiting. This screams of "waiting for a better ride".

 

Your poor husband has no idea who he is married to and what she is doing behind his back. You'd be a better person to enlighten him with "we don't belong together any longer. You need to find someone who can commit to you as I am no longer to give you the commitment that a true marriage deserves."

 

At this stage, it sounds as if you're using your husband until someone better comes along. Very sad.

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Why wait for the next big fight...you've already stepped out on your husband emotionally...why don't you let him know now instead of waiting. This screams of "waiting for a better ride".

 

Your poor husband has no idea who he is married to and what she is doing behind his back. You'd be a better person to enlighten him with "we don't belong together any longer. You need to find someone who can commit to you as I am no longer to give you the commitment that a true marriage deserves."

 

At this stage, it sounds as if you're using your husband until someone better comes along. Very sad.

 

Oh and the husband is so innocent and his behavior is acceptable too? It’s not just poor husband. She’s not right for how she’s handling it and should ask for a divorce too. Let’s not attack the OP one sidedly when it sounds like spouse is verbally abusing/gaslighting.

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I've been told I don't look like I'm 41.

 

What does this have to do with it?

 

Yes at this point it is best to get a divorce.

Edited by stillafool
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JackieDaniels1977

you all are right and that's my next, big thing in my life... yes I want to cut my husband loose.....

 

thanks you all this has helped

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The guy you have a crush on is married. Whatever he says to you about his feelings for you (if he has any), must be taken with a pinch of salt. His wife comes out with him and he practically has to guard her to ensure you do not talk to her - why would you even consider talking to her when you are crushing on her husband?

 

Whatever he says to you, he is putting his wife first. He is panicking in case you say anything to his wife. He does not want to lose her. I think you need to back off and leave them both alone.

 

Do not let this guy flirt with you. He might enjoy the fantasy of having an affair with you but the way he is paranoid about his wife finding out means he would choose her over you. If you don't want to end up thrown out of your own marriage and dumped by a married lover who wants to keep his marriage, then just don't go there.

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