MINAKO Posted August 3, 2019 Share Posted August 3, 2019 My friend (old crush) confess he likes me and asked me out. I had to tell him I was seeing someone before summer, and expect to see them again after vacations. Friend seemed to understand. However, he keeps asking to hang out, wants to give gifts and texts compliments. I can tell he wants to “win me over” but, I only like my crush! How do I be crystal clear on that? I am afraid he will say "I just want to hang out as a friend" though I know he has feelings. Worse, way before his confession, as platonic friends I asked him to come with me to a festival, which is next week, and he is asking me about which day we will go. Help! Extra: Friend and I have a mutual best friend who sometimes visits the city. Friend always makes plans for all of us to chill together. However, due to this situation, I now want to see bestie by myself. How do I make that happen without telling bestie about all this? I do not want to make the friendships weird. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted August 3, 2019 Share Posted August 3, 2019 If I understand you correctly a boy/man that you had a (secret?) crush on but now no longer do, now has feelings for you. When you had a crush on him, how did he treat you? Did he avoid you? Did he cut you out of established relationships because he didn't like you in that way and you were making him feel badly? Did he turn around when he saw you coming? Why are you so dead set against him? You aren't in a serious relationship. What's the harm if he does try to win you over. It could be a pleasant experience. It could be that the combination of your beauty, charm and with took a detour in claiming his heart. Is there more to this modern Shakespearean plot of revenge then you are revealing? Best Wishes 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 3, 2019 Share Posted August 3, 2019 Just be honest and tell him you are no longer comfortable hanging out with him because he has revealed his feelings to you. Tell him you really like your new bf and you want to give it a good chance. Tell him that now that he has revealed his feelings you think gifts, hanging out and texting is now inappropriate because your new bf wouldn't like it. Just be honest and speak up. Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted August 3, 2019 Share Posted August 3, 2019 This is why I don't enjoy being friends with men anymore as a single woman. Most of them want more than friends (if they had the opportunity) and it's just weird and sometimes awkward. They aren't true friends and it comes through. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MINAKO Posted August 4, 2019 Author Share Posted August 4, 2019 If I understand you correctly a boy/man that you had a (secret?) crush on but now no longer do, now has feelings for you. When you had a crush on him, how did he treat you? Did he avoid you? Did he cut you out of established relationships because he didn't like you in that way and you were making him feel badly? Did he turn around when he saw you coming? Why are you so dead set against him? You aren't in a serious relationship. What's the harm if he does try to win you over. It could be a pleasant experience. It could be that the combination of your beauty, charm and with took a detour in claiming his heart. Is there more to this modern Shakespearean plot of revenge then you are revealing? Best Wishes He never knew I liked him, at least I had never told him. In those days, our friend groups were different and so we were not close. Years later, I ended up having very deep feelings for this other crush, nothing remotely close to what my feelings have ever been for my friend. It is why I am dead set against this, because I am very attached to someone else, so it does not even feel right. None of this has anything to do with revenge lol I do not want to hurt this friendship. I do not know how to make this situation stop though, it feels very weird for me Just be honest and tell him you are no longer comfortable hanging out with him because he has revealed his feelings to you. Tell him you really like your new bf and you want to give it a good chance. Tell him that now that he has revealed his feelings you think gifts, hanging out and texting is now inappropriate because your new bf wouldn't like it. Just be honest and speak up. This seems so blunt, but I guess I do not have much other options... I hope it will not make our friendship awkward This is why I don't enjoy being friends with men anymore as a single woman. Most of them want more than friends (if they had the opportunity) and it's just weird and sometimes awkward. They aren't true friends and it comes through. Yes, I have been learning this the hard way. I used to believe so much in platonic friendships with guys but in the end, every single one of them has tried to take things further with me or wish they could. I am not interested in making new friends anymore with any guy until I am exclusive with someone. I am tired of breaking my own heart over and over with all of these guy friends who always want something more. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted August 4, 2019 Share Posted August 4, 2019 He never knew I liked him, at least I had never told him Yes, I have been learning this the hard way. I used to believe so much in platonic friendships with guys but in the end, every single one of them has tried to take things further with me or wish they could. I am not interested in making new friends anymore with any guy until I am exclusive with someone. I am tired of breaking my own heart over and over with all of these guy friends who always want something more. Woman communicate their love interest without saying anything. He picked up on it but was confused by the signals you were sending. It caused indecision on his part. There is usually a window of opportunity for these things and he missed it. You had moved on. Men can't be friends with women that they do group activities with such as hanging out. Eros is always hovering around waiting to put an arrow in an unsuspecting heart. Group activities are part of the dating scene. Men are more likely to be friends with women who share common interests like music, intellectual studies, sports interests, etc. Just a general observation as there are no hard and fast rules when it involves matters of the heart. Just let your friend know that you don't share his affection and you never will. You may not see him for awhile as he gets over it but when you do -welcome him back. That's what friends do for one another. Best Wishes Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 You're going to have to be straight with him and tell him that now you know he is interested in you, you don't feel like trying to be friends. Just tell him. He already knows you're involved. Tell him you don't like to jeopardize your relationships by having other guys hanging around. That's it. Tell your friend he's hitting on you and not to invite you if he's going to be there. Link to post Share on other sites
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