Getting intimate with an ex work friend

[viking22]

I worked with this girl for a year and a half. We flirted a lot but she made it clear she didn't date co-workers. Also the few times we hung out together outside of work she was quite reserved and cold so I didn't pursue it further. Our friendship deepened.

 

Our company opened a new restaurant a few months ago and had a promotion for employees so the two of us decided to have dinner there. We had a nice time and afterwards when we said our goodbyes she kissed me on the lips.

 

I assumed this meant something and the road was now clear for us to start dating. But she turned me down and said the kiss was a mistake because we work together. She found a new job so I asked her out for dinner and she agreed but said only as friends. We had a nice dinner and I told her we no longer work together and I think we'd be a good match. She replied that it didn't feel right and if she was going to develop feelings she would have by now.

 

I was a bit deflated but we continued to text and meet up. This weekend my mum was away and I was dog sitting so I invited her over as she always wanted to meet my dogs. She wasn't sure about staying over so I said you can make your mind up on the day which she was OK with.

 

We had a nice evening. I cooked her a meal. Played her some piano. We had some wine and talked. She started talking about going on holidays together and going to a jazz club next weekend. She also sat a lot closer than she usually does and seemed relaxed and comfortable.

 

She got tired so I said OK there is a guest room she can sleep in. She said she wanted my room. I said OK I'll take the guest room. She said no need we can share your bed.

 

She climbs into bed and lies down with her face to the wall. I lay next to her and put my arm around her and spooned her. She didn't seem to mind but just basically lay there and fell asleep.

 

In the morning when she woke up she turned towards me and I said "Come over here" opening my arms and we pressed our bodies against each other. She said she was feeling hot so I said let's take our clothes off. Long story short we ended up having sex.

 

We had breakfast together and she acted like nothing happened. I tried to say something and she said "People kiss and have sex, things happen". And when I took her to the station and tried to kiss her goodbye she gave me her cheek and gave me an awkward hug. Then she texted me saying "Don't be upset with me".

 

I didn't make an issue and we went back to texting about random stuff.

 

What do I make of all of this? Is she just testing her feelings and each time winding up disappointed? I know she doesnt want to lose our friendship but it doesnt feel as if she is really interested in anything serious with me. Nor does it feel like she is that into me.

[preraph]

Uh, she's not that into you, but she has very poor boundaries. She kissed you and then backed off, and then she slept with you when she could have stayed in the other bed and had sex and then backed off.

 

This is just an uphill battle and if she was really into you, it would be much easier and not all this resistence. She's already told you as much. Don't get your hopes up it's going anywhere.

[Foxhall]

Yes it is interesting too- your post describes well the human desire for sex I suppose- that when its all said and done people submit to their animal instincts and there is a lot of sex without any love or intimacy or the intimacy disappears very quickly once the act is over.

 

this lady does not really know what she wants which in my experience anyway can be a frustrating one,

 

that being said you have common ground and enjoy hanging out, so if you treat it as a bit of fun and not get too attached perhaps things might grow.

[shydad]

it doesnt feel as if she is really interested in anything serious with me.

Hi viking22, yes, I agree. I think you both value what you have. Where your desires split is in this getting serious. You appear to want this to be a serious relationship, but she does not (and has made her position very clear).