Meg1880 Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 Hi everyone Brace yourselves for a classic F buddy cliche story! A few weeks back, I bumped into someone I went to school with. He text me soon after and we were texting back and forth for a while. The nature of the conversation was basically all sexual which I was fine with. He said he found me sexually attractive and suggested we meet up for sex, which we did. We’ve hooked up a few times since. We barely chat in between meetings and when we do, it’s talking about meeting up again, although there have been two occasions when he’s messaged me something “normal” like a picture. He initiated a hook up last weekend. I went over in the day. He was very cuddly after sex (he has been like this before) and asked me if I wanted to get food with him, so we got a takeout lunch, went back to his and he suggested we watch a film, so I did before I left. He also asked me if I would still “pay visits” once he’s moved a bit further away, and alluded to helping me at the gym? I haven’t heard from him since, but as you can imagine, this has all left me all very confused. I feel at the very least we’ve transitioned from f buddies to FWBs I don’t feel particularly attached to him. I’ve been enjoying the sex with him a lot. But I’m starting to see a different side to him, a more date-able side. Where do I go from here? Carry on the casual sex? Put the feelings out for dating/something more serious? End the arrangement before it gets complicated? Obviously I know nobody on here is a mind reminder and can tell me what’s going on in his head! But I’d appreciate some thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
Flame Aura Posted July 19, 2019 Share Posted July 19, 2019 I feel at the very least we’ve transitioned from f buddies to FWBs Not sure what you mean as that's the same thing. Well it's up to you what you do but you know how it will end up, just like every other FWB situation. One person feels more for the other, who either feels the same and they start a relationship, or they don't and the other person gets hurt and has to cut things off completely. If you are happy with things not progressing further then don't say anything, if you think your feelings will only grow then definitely say something. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 19, 2019 Share Posted July 19, 2019 Yeah, I get the distinction between F Buddies and FWB. Interesting that he asks if you're going to visit when he moves away. How far is he going and will he visit you too? (or will he want you doing all the legwork?) And perhaps I'm projecting....but why would you consider starting a relationship with someone who's about to move? Unless perhaps you also want to move where he is? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 Not sure what you mean as that's the same thing. A F buddy is someone you do not actually know that well but you meet up for NSA sex, could be from a hook up, a ONS, a casual acquaintance... Feelings not involved and usually neither gets too attached. A FWB is someone you know better, an actual friend, an ex, a work colleague, someone you know and like outwith just the sex. Feelings can grow as there is a connection, but rarely mutual, usually one gets all gooey, the other doesn't... Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 I see what you mean about blurred lines. Thing is to me, he sounds like he just likes a cheap date/hookup. He doesn't sound only about sex, and I don't know if he's the same with all women, but he sounds like he likes convenient sex without the bother of dating -- which I wouldn't like because it's lazy and ho-hum. Link to post Share on other sites
Beendaredonedat Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 Why don't you just keep it real and adhere to boundaries one Must adhere to when in a FB situation. Getting take out and watching a movie with you is no more further along in a FB relationship. So: Figure out what you want. What you want, not what he may be thinking or what he's doing. Then you either stop the BS after sex and keep the boundary in place or, you ask him if he's interested in taking things further, if that is what you want, and if he isn't then you stop the hook up altogether because you can't be an FB or a FWB with someone you are bonding with because you'll just shred your own heart if you do. P.S. Don't continue meeting up with him if he moves. That sounds like something that could very well wreck havoc with one's self-esteem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meg1880 Posted July 20, 2019 Author Share Posted July 20, 2019 Yeah, I get the distinction between F Buddies and FWB. Interesting that he asks if you're going to visit when he moves away. How far is he going and will he visit you too? (or will he want you doing all the legwork?) And perhaps I'm projecting....but why would you consider starting a relationship with someone who's about to move? Unless perhaps you also want to move where he is? Right now he lives very close to me, but he will be moving only a 20 minute drive away so not very much further really. So it would be quite easy to keep the arrangement up! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meg1880 Posted July 20, 2019 Author Share Posted July 20, 2019 I see what you mean about blurred lines. Thing is to me, he sounds like he just likes a cheap date/hookup. He doesn't sound only about sex, and I don't know if he's the same with all women, but he sounds like he likes convenient sex without the bother of dating -- which I wouldn't like because it's lazy and ho-hum. Hmm this is interesting, thank you. He definitely doesn’t seem just about the sex now. I’m still actively online dating and I’ve come across his profile which puts forward that he is seeking a relationship. So either he is just lazy and likes the convenience element of what we have, or he has put me straight into a “not relationship material” pile for whatever reason whilst he continues to look for a partner (in some ways, a little bit like I did with him!) that he isn’t just having casual sex with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meg1880 Posted July 20, 2019 Author Share Posted July 20, 2019 Why don't you just keep it real and adhere to boundaries one Must adhere to when in a FB situation. Getting take out and watching a movie with you is no more further along in a FB relationship. So: Figure out what you want. What you want, not what he may be thinking or what he's doing. Then you either stop the BS after sex and keep the boundary in place or, you ask him if he's interested in taking things further, if that is what you want, and if he isn't then you stop the hook up altogether because you can't be an FB or a FWB with someone you are bonding with because you'll just shred your own heart if you do. P.S. Don't continue meeting up with him if he moves. That sounds like something that could very well wreck havoc with one's self-esteem. Thank you. I’m torn between just asking to stop with the BS and putting that boundary back in, or putting my heart on the line a bit and asking if he wants to take things further. Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 Hmm this is interesting, thank you. He definitely doesn’t seem just about the sex now. I’m still actively online dating and I’ve come across his profile which puts forward that he is seeking a relationship. So either he is just lazy and likes the convenience element of what we have, or he has put me straight into a “not relationship material” pile for whatever reason whilst he continues to look for a partner (in some ways, a little bit like I did with him!) that he isn’t just having casual sex with. I think it can be both of these, but mostly the latter. But you won't know until you ask. Link to post Share on other sites
Beendaredonedat Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 (edited) Thank you. I’m torn between just asking to stop with the BS and putting that boundary back in, or putting my heart on the line a bit and asking if he wants to take things further. Well, first you have to figure out what you want with him. You don't even know yet so don't have any conversations of "what are we" or "where is this going" but rather tell him what you want and then see if he is on the same page. You should really stop with the bonding rituals until you figure yourself out or you could be putting your heart in the hands of someone who doesn't want it. Good luck. P.S. Saying he wants a "relationship" on his profile means sweet bugger all. He could be lying because it would cut down on his pool of chicks if he just put in "friends" or "nothing serious" or the like. He said he found me sexually attractive and suggested we meet up for sex, Any man that skips right to that without even buying you a cup of coffee is not looking for anything serious. At least he's been honest from the get go. Don't take watching a movie and getting something to eat as anything more than having nothing else to do but eat and watch with a FB. He's not showing you any further interest by including you in on something so banal. Edited July 20, 2019 by Beendaredonedat Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 Whatever you do, just be really honest with yourself about what you want. And pay attention to what you're feeling. I have a FWB (we were friends for a few years before adding the "B"). Even being established true friends it can be tricky to navigate being intimate on a regular basis. Most of us can't have sex over a period of time with someone without having some complicated feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meg1880 Posted July 20, 2019 Author Share Posted July 20, 2019 Any man that skips right to that without even buying you a cup of coffee is not looking for anything serious. At least he's been honest from the get go. Don't take watching a movie and getting something to eat as anything more than having nothing else to do but eat and watch with a FB. He's not showing you any further interest by including you in on something so banal. Needed to hear this. Thank you! WeÂ’ve got plans to meet next week so I will ask him then, in person, if he would like to take things further. If he doesnÂ’t want to take it further, I feel comfortable enough at this stage to quite easily cut the whole thing off as IÂ’m not yet attached or emotionally invested! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Beendaredonedat Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 Good on you... take back your personal power from him. Link to post Share on other sites
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