vshnpriy Posted July 13, 2019 Share Posted July 13, 2019 The guy who started talking to me is 7 years younger, he likes me, But I am shy and feel weird to talk or be romantic with him, as i’m 7 yrs older! Should i just stay away? I think we’d be more friends with benefits.. but i still feel shy & ashamed, like why am i doing this with a ‘kid’..Anyone been in such situations and how do u deal? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 13, 2019 Share Posted July 13, 2019 Depends on how old you both are. If you are both over about 30, you're both mature adults and it shouldn't matter that much. If he's nearer the 20 mark, it's going to matter mostly because he's likely not going to be serious or stick around long or consider you a keeper. (May not consider anyone a keeper if he's that young) Link to post Share on other sites
Author vshnpriy Posted July 13, 2019 Author Share Posted July 13, 2019 he’s 28..im 34, no i doubt we’ll get serious, due to culture restrictions.. but I am talking about just a physical relation/friends w/ B...would this age difference work for such relationships? Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted July 13, 2019 Share Posted July 13, 2019 he’s 28..im 34, no i doubt we’ll get serious, due to culture restrictions.. but I am talking about just a physical relation/friends w/ B...would this age difference work for such relationships? I don't think the age gap between a male of 28 and female of 34 is a problem for a relationship, but attempting FWB at any age is a different story. It's a system with no boundaries which makes it emotionally dangerous. Someone usually winds up wanting something more and someone usually winds up getting hurt, whether they vocalize it or keep it hidden. If you're going to attempt this with him, be honest and straight forward and communicate your terms in the beginning. Make sure you address what I've bolded in your post if/when you do, so that he understands what this is. - Beach 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lupo Posted July 13, 2019 Share Posted July 13, 2019 First off friends with benefits actually means you got to be friends. Or at least have some sort of prior relationship. A lot of people confuse a casual fling - such as two people at a business seminar who hit it off , have sex , and then arrange that the next time one of them is 'in town' to have sex again - as friends with benefits. I speak as someone who has a friends with benefit relationship with a guy that I've known for years who is around a decade older than me. We were friends long before it became physical. Personally it is a lot more than just an itch scratch or a casual fling but falls in a way short of a regular relationship. Remove the sex and we're still just good friends. Really the major problem of friends-with-benefits that I've seen for others is the people not understanding what is expected and respecting what is expected. Of going in expecting things to change. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 13, 2019 Share Posted July 13, 2019 OP, why does any of this matter since you are a married woman? Link to post Share on other sites
Author vshnpriy Posted July 14, 2019 Author Share Posted July 14, 2019 OP, why does any of this matter since you are a married woman? OMGGGGG keep quiet already about the married thing!!! Im not even dwelling on that, maybe my partner and I have an open relation and this is something that is ok for us, how do you know!!? Stop with the marriage part, I didn't ask anything about me being married part!! I am just asking about this guy.. It will never get serious, as I am 'married', and he's not looking for any serious relation... this will only be physical if anything, or FWB..as there is attraction and we talk well, enjoy the presence of each other.. Just that, I am older, and I am feeling Shy or rather shameful about doing anything with him or showing interest.. so wondering am I right in feeling Shy? or do ppl with such age difference do they get romantic and physical?? Is it ok to show him any romantic indication through talk? Example, he says things like MISS U, and I dont.. I don't know if it is right since I am older.. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted July 14, 2019 Share Posted July 14, 2019 Why are you starting multiple threads about this guy? You are obviously crushing on him big time and so you will be the one who gets hurt if anything comes of this. You say it will never get serious as you are married but since you are already so obsessed with this dude I think it will get serious for you but not for him. Once you cross the line you will become even more enamored with him while he will just use you for a bit of fun. He will never regard an older married woman who cheats on her husband as anything other than a fun roll in the hay. I don't believe that you have an open marriage, if that were the case you probably would have mentioned it in one of your other threads. Do you care about your reputation at work? Will it bother you when your coworkers and managers find out that you are boinking another employee and cheating on your husband? Are you okay being regarded as someone who is untrustworthy and lacking integrity by your coworkers and superiors? The age difference is hardly your biggest concern. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 14, 2019 Share Posted July 14, 2019 I thought he had stopped talking to you...has he started talking again? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 14, 2019 Share Posted July 14, 2019 OMGGGGG keep quiet already about the married thing!!! Im not even dwelling on that, maybe my partner and I have an open relation and this is something that is ok for us, how do you know!!? Stop with the marriage part, I didn't ask anything about me being married part!! I am just asking about this guy.. It will never get serious, as I am 'married', and he's not looking for any serious relation... this will only be physical if anything, or FWB..as there is attraction and we talk well, enjoy the presence of each other.. Just that, I am older, and I am feeling Shy or rather shameful about doing anything with him or showing interest.. so wondering am I right in feeling Shy? or do ppl with such age difference do they get romantic and physical?? Is it ok to show him any romantic indication through talk? Example, he says things like MISS U, and I dont.. I don't know if it is right since I am older.. Sorry OP, but people need to know the truth so they can advise you correctly. Any thread you start about this young guy someone will mention that you are a MW looking to cheat. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author vshnpriy Posted July 14, 2019 Author Share Posted July 14, 2019 (edited) Why are you starting multiple threads about this guy? You are obviously crushing on him big time and so you will be the one who gets hurt if anything comes of this. You say it will never get serious as you are married but since you are already so obsessed with this dude I think it will get serious for you but not for him. Once you cross the line you will become even more enamored with him while he will just use you for a bit of fun. He will never regard an older married woman who cheats on her husband as anything other than a fun roll in the hay. I don't believe that you have an open marriage, if that were the case you probably would have mentioned it in one of your other threads. Do you care about your reputation at work? Will it bother you when your coworkers and managers find out that you are boinking another employee and cheating on your husband? Are you okay being regarded as someone who is untrustworthy and lacking integrity by your coworkers and superiors? The age difference is hardly your biggest concern. HMM ok u do have a bit of truth here, but why does it have to be that I will be the one used? Really, I mean I already have a husb, how can I be used..if anything, I could be the one using the guy, as he has no one.. I could be someone who can have him for fun and then return home to husband(IF THAT HAPPENS, not saying it will).. Why should the girl only be the one who is used.. if I was single, and he just used me, while I was expecting him to marry, then OK I would say I'd be used.. but I am not expecting anything serious trust me, just to have a friend, as I said we talk well together.. I am ok to just have him as a friend or coworker.... and also, I don't need to mention every single detail about my Marriage, this is not about my marriage Edited July 14, 2019 by vshnpriy Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 14, 2019 Share Posted July 14, 2019 The "problem" is not that he is 7 years younger, the "problem" is you are married with a child. Stop the "I am OK to just have him as a friend or coworker..." Yeah sure! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted July 14, 2019 Share Posted July 14, 2019 (edited) @vshnpriy Age is the only thing here that isn't a problem. What do you want to achieve with this man? Do you want talk and flirt or do you hope for more? It's important you don't lie to yourself because you'll just be wasting your own time. If you want more, you'll get it, but if you want friendship, you're not going to get it. He has openly confessed to wanting to have sex with you and you have started 3 threads regarding him, suggesting you can't take your mind off of him. You lose the sincerity of a friendship because of those to things. The status of your marriage becomes a factor because depending on what you're seeking and your status is, it changes our answers. If your marriage is open, then go ahead and talk to him but be ready for something inappropriate to happen. If it isn't open, then that means you will knowingly be putting yourself into a situation that'll likely destroy your marriage. Honestly, I would be concerned about "talking" with with a man whose moral compass tells him it's okay to wreck marriages, and it's also a bit concerning to me that all this had to spell out for you. But there it is. If there is something we are missing here, you need to let us know. You cannot expect quality advice by sharing vague snippets of your situation. Draw us a picture so that we get it and can assist you as best as we can. - Beach Edited July 14, 2019 by Beachead 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 16, 2019 Share Posted July 16, 2019 HMM ok u do have a bit of truth here, but why does it have to be that I will be the one used? Really, I mean I already have a husb, how can I be used..if anything, I could be the one using the guy, as he has no one.. I could be someone who can have him for fun and then return home to husband(IF THAT HAPPENS, not saying it will).. Why should the girl only be the one who is used.. if I was single, and he just used me, while I was expecting him to marry, then OK I would say I'd be used.. but I am not expecting anything serious trust me, just to have a friend, as I said we talk well together.. I am ok to just have him as a friend or coworker.... and also, I don't need to mention every single detail about my Marriage, this is not about my marriage If this turned into an affair yes you have the greater chance of getting hurt. Women bond through sex much easier than men, he's single, younger and most definitely will be seeing other women because you're married therefore a dead end. You'll be home with your husband wondering who OM is dating while you're obsessing. Sooner or later there will be a D-day and you might lose your husband but still not get OM. Does your husband know you're looking for a friend? Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 16, 2019 Share Posted July 16, 2019 If all you're looking for is a new toy to play with in order to distract you from your sad marriage, then the age gap should be the least of your worries. Besides, a 7 year spread is nothing and all too often younger men and older women get on famously sexually. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author vshnpriy Posted July 18, 2019 Author Share Posted July 18, 2019 (edited) If this turned into an affair yes you have the greater chance of getting hurt. Women bond through sex much easier than men, he's single, younger and most definitely will be seeing other women because you're married therefore a dead end. You'll be home with your husband wondering who OM is dating while you're obsessing. Sooner or later there will be a D-day and you might lose your husband but still not get OM. Does your husband know you're looking for a friend? yes husband is aware, we r open.. but You are right.. You know what I will reject him first. I met him once as we both like talking to each other, and I won't lie, we kissed, hugged, he likes me I know.. He even says I love you to me.. I know, Its nothing serious and all BS, he says to a lot of girls probably.. But yea I can't understand his inconsistent behavior(suddenly not talking one day, suddenly all over me the next day) I am going to give this up, I will tell him NO the next time he asks me to meet and I will say I am married, why would I meet you. I will probably be giving up any further interaction by saying NO to him and rejecting him. But FINE, I will do it.. Shoot, why should I be in a position that someone can hurt me, I will reject him first..?? Edited July 18, 2019 by vshnpriy Link to post Share on other sites
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